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Why Lesbian Couples Raise Better Kids
If you’re the type of mother who will do anything to help your kids get ahead, you might consider scrapping your husband to make way for a lesbian partner. Or maybe not. In any case, the news that lesbian couples tend to raise kids that are healthier, better adjusted and with higher self-esteems than average is at once fabulous and disconcerting.
Fabulous because, you know, TOLD YOU SO!
But disconcerting if you happen to be straight.
I mean, no matter what your personal beliefs are, we straights can also be loving couples with strong values and an abiding loyalty to the well-being of our children. We don’t have to become someone we’re not, just to have kids and raise them well!
So what’s going on with this lesbian mom superiority? What do they know that the rest don’t?
Over at Double X, Amanda Marcotte thinks it comes down to the one thing that lesbian couples — unlike straight couples — have in common: their femaleness. And more specifically, how that femaleness was socialized since birth: to be nurturers.
Here’s the crux of her argument:
Gay or not, your average woman has had a lifetime of experience in the neccessary-for-parenting arts of boosting self-esteem, monitoring loved ones to see if they want for anything, and even minor things like choosing food for nutritional value instead of taste. Obviously, individuals will vary, but few women, regardless of sexual orientation, escape the gendered training to put others before yourself.
She goes on to say that men raised in sexist cultures, such as ours, is it discourages men from learning the above skills and also shames them for showing feelings and emotions and for caring. And with the continued imbalance of housework — women still do tons more, even in the majority of enlightened partnerships — if you replace the man with a woman, “more work (and nurturing) gets done. And children benefit.”
In fact, Marcotte thinks, and I agree, a study of straight partnerships with more flexible gender roles would likely show children not unlike those raised by lesbian couples.
What do you think? Any duo-moms out there want to weigh in or are you still (smugly!) celebrating this news? Also, men, Dads — gay or straight — what do you think of the study and Marcotte’s argument?
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10 Comments
[...] of lesbian parenting also reveal that lesbian moms do better than het couples at raising kids, on [...]
Who Needs Dads Anyway? | Strollerderby commented on Jun 10 10 at 2:51 pm[...] Why Lesbian Couples Raise Better Kids [...]
Law Requires Women to Breastfeed ... Grown Men | Strollerderby commented on Jun 14 10 at 1:22 pm[...] responded to Madeline and Bethany’s coverage of the 25-year study that proved lesbian parents raise the happiest [...]
Stephen Colbert: Righteous Mantile | Strollerderby commented on Jun 16 10 at 11:16 amAwesomeCloud's mom commented on Jun 08 10 at 3:11 pmI don’t think it’s disconcerting. It’s just a sociological study. We aren’t all beholden to statistics – just because the average score of my demographic is lower than the average score of the lesbian parent demographic doesn’t mean my husband and I do worse than all lesbian parents.
Men can learn nurturing skills if they try. Maybe the men who don’t try are skewing the statistics. I’m not worried about them – my husband has some stellar nurturing skills, and that’s the only important part.
I’m happy that lesbians come out ahead in something, though. The ones I know personally totally deserve some cred.
anon commented on Jun 08 10 at 3:25 pmI don’t think its disconcerting, either. I like my lesbians as much as the next person, but a significant part of the study was based on self-reporting on children’s behavior and development. Need I say more? Also, if anything, it’s bellwether of how crappy parents are in general nowadays. Another article covering the study offered what I thought was an interesting explanation: these children are very much *planned* for.
Lila commented on Jun 08 10 at 6:15 pmLesbians are almost by definition protected from accidental pregnancy. Of course their kids turn out better. They only have them when they feel ready to handle them.
e commented on Jun 08 10 at 6:42 pmAs a mom in a two mom home, I take this study (like all studies) with a grain of salt. I think kids benefit from being in a home where they are wanted, loved, and nurtured. I think it helps them to see that there are lots of different ways to be a family and that unconditional love comes in all shapes and sizes. I think it helps for kids to be talked to about discrimination and hate and empathy. I think straight couples can do all of these things if they’re intentional about them. But maybe it comes more naturally to queer folks because of what our experiences in the world have been. But yeah, it would be interesting to compare the two mom homes with more progressive/less gender stereotypical mom dad homes.
On the other hand, it does feel nice to hear something positive about families like ours in the news :)
David commented on Jun 09 10 at 12:00 pmThe study has been thoroughly debunked here:
JEssica commented on Jun 14 10 at 4:19 pmPlease two women working is better than one woman and one man working, women usually just work harder (and I am straight woman).
Greg commented on May 18 11 at 3:29 pm> the news that lesbian couples tend to raise kids that are healthier,
> better adjusted and with higher self-esteems than averageNo, what is disconcerting is that such a blatantly skewed, biased study is not being ridiculed, rather than lauded. Make no mistake, I think lesbian and gay couples can make fine parents. Heterosexuality is not a prerequisite for competent parenting, IMO. But this “study” only shows that (presumably more affluent and well-educated) lesbian couples *rate their own children* higher than do the average (meaning overall less affluent and less educated) heterosexual parents. I think it is fine for lesbian couples to *believe* their children are healthier and better adjusted. Hell, I think it is fine if they think their kids are the smartest, and prettiest, and best kids in the world! Believe what you will, but don’t try to tout opinion as fact, or as serious research into how well adjusted kids truly are. A little integrity, please!
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