[...] Stress and Mess: Portrait of the American Family [...]

Seriously, how hard is it to pick shit up when you’re done using it? That’s really all it takes.

Diane: We started the “10-minute Tidy” as soon as our kids could walk. Basically it gets them in the habit of picking up their shit, as GP so succinctly put it. We kinda do it at regularly scheduled times, ie. before a meal, before bed, before leaving the house, before taking out more toys. When they were young (1-2 y/o) we only did it once or twice a day (and don’t expect much help), adding more as they got older.

Snarky, that’s exactly what we do (I do, because my kid is only 3, but she helps although it takes her too long for my tastes)–before a meal, before bed, before leaving the house, before taking out more toys–but it isn’t a formal thing, it just makes sense that you don’t want to come home to a mess, you don’t want to wake up to a mess, you don’t want to ADD to a mess when you already have toys out, etc…it just feels natural.

GP, don’t you have just one kid? Nothing wrong with having one, or sah, but this addressed families with two working parents and multiple kids.

It’s not just a matter of discipline but also communicating effectively with one’s spouse—which is a can of worms all by itself. My husband and I actually hammered out our housekeeping expectations with each other in counseling after we were together more than a year and it did a world of good. Before that, it was as much a matter of not knowing what the other was doing or where the other was putting this or that leading to the clutter. I’d go off on guard duty for a few weeks, and he’d have the house clean and organized to his standards, then he’d go to work pretty much nonstop for a few weeks and I’d do things my way (totally wrong in his view) while I was home with the kids, and have no idea where all his work crap actually belonged…and not want to spend the thirty minutes we were actually awake figuring it all out. It’s a lot more than just picking shit up when you’re done with it, especially where multiple children are involved. If you have one kid, you know who got out all the toys, and it’s not that hard to stand over one kid—more than that, and you’ve got “I didn’t get it out,” “She played with it last” and it’s harder to just pick up after every activity when there are three kids doing three different things. So, yeah, just something to consider.

I started using a timer to encourage my twins to see who could get the most toys in the boxes before the bell rang when they were about 2. It took a while for it to take, and I had to relax the standards of which toys went in which boxes (I was a little nuts at first). It also helps to make it the very last thing you do—before they were about three-and-a-half or four, I would get them in their coats, have everything ready, and then have them pick up before we left in the morning. In the evenings, it worked best if we left the toys right where they were, and then picked up after brushing teeth, pajamas, etc. Otherwise, one twin would wander back to the toys while I was helping the other brush teeth/potty/put on coat and next thing you know, we’d have toy chaos again.

It’s easier if you start having kids particiapte in household chores as soon as they can walk. That way they grow up knowing it’s just part of life rather than having it be a struggle.