[...] When Dad-to-Be Thinks Birth is Nasty [...]

Awww, that’s too bad. It just made my husband love me more and admire what a woman’s body can do!!! He was able to separate his personal, sexual feelings and for that brief time, he saw “that area” as a birthing canal instead of a vagina! Love.him!!!

I think guys should be there if their wives want them, but it should be OK for them to face *away* from the carnage if at all possible. I was at a friend’s birth and I was the one down there at the business end watching the baby emerge; the husband/dad, who is a fainter, stayed where he could look at his wife’s face and hold her hand.

My husband loved it, cried as our son was being born and cut the cord. I was happy he was there at that stage. However, (and I realise this is a little off topic) during labour itself, the urge to slap him became overwhelming at times. He is a very social person and he deals with stress by making jokes and gathering people around him. I on the other hand, turn inward or to 1 or 2 people- BIG CLASH during labour. I’m due again in July and will again be relying on the calming presence of my father during labour- my husband will be called when it’s time to push.

sorry — if you helped “put it in there,” you should be there when he or she comes out. if you’re a fainter, you can look away, but what is this “down the hall” business? part of the reason men (and women) have such unrealistic expectations of women’s beauty/size/shape is because they’re not in touch with the reality of the whole woman. if he’s squeamish, he has nine months to therapize pre-birth so he can be there for her when needed (and I mean, NEEDED. I needed my husband there, and wouldn’t have forgiven him if he was in another room).

Give me a break! The dad is just as much of a parent as the mom – why should he get to opt out when she can’t? He got to be there for the fun part.

Why is it anybody else’s business? Shouldn’t a mother and father get to decide how they handle the birth of their child without derision from others? Why can he opt out when she can’t? Biology.

I suppose this is something that parents to be should discuss before, not during, L&D. My husband didn’t want to “catch” and didn’t want to be at that end. He was there throughout, was wonderful and supportive, gave our son his first bath, cut the cord. He just didn’t think he could handle the business end of things himself without passing out. (And no, he wasn’t allowed in the room while I got the epidural. Heck, even if he were permitted, I’d have kicked him out because he turned pretty green when they spent close to twenty minutes starting my IV.) I was fine with that.

I had to have a c-section and he was right there with me. He actually gave me a play-by-play on everything!!! I was doing fine until he started telling me about my guts laying on my belly and how they “kind of look like stew meat,” that is when I started to sweat and felt a little queeezy. The nurse behind me shook her head at him quietly but he continued, probably due to his excitement. She placed an emesis basin beside me and patted my shoulder. When my daughter was delivered, they handed her to the nurse who wrapped her up and then handed her to her daddy. That is when the play-by-play ended. I was concerned why so many more people were being called in, pictures being taken of my inards etc. . but, no more info for me. He loves the fact he was there, got to witness everything and held his baby for the first 45 minutes of her life while people poked, prodded, oohed and ahhed over my flawed guts. Now, when his soon-to-be daddy friends start talking about “if this” and “if that,” he assures them that they need to be present no matter what, it is an experience they will cherish forever.

Oh bless! I went to school with a guy who passed out every time a sex ed video was shown. He genuinely couldn’t handle it. (I remember it being something about blood, but it was elementary school so what kind of blood would they have been showing? …but I digress.)

I often think of him, wondering whether his hyper-sensitivity prevented him from being present and useful at his children’s births. I hope not, for his sake as much as his wife’s.

Would I have tolerated my partner not attending the births of our children because he ‘didn’t want to see me that way’ or because he was worried I ‘wouldn’t seem as attractive afterwards’? Hell, no! But I’d never have had children with someone so shallow or stupid.

But, hey, let’s all have some sympathy for they guys who miss out because they genuinely can’t handle it. They are the ones who are missing out. (Let’s be honest: they’d be no bloody help to their partners anyway!)

If my husband doesn’t want to watch, I’m okay with that. He hasn’t decided yet. But if he’s not at the watching end, he’ll be at the other end with me, holding my hand. There’s a chance he might not be home for the birth, which would be much more upsetting for both of us than if he decided to be holding my hand rather than catching the baby.

My husband agreed to be in the room with me, but didn’t want to watch our son come out. I was totally fine with it. When our son crowned, my mother, sister, father, and husband all rushed down to see him come into the world, and they were all sobbing. I, on the other hand, was still pushing. Without any support or leg holding. It was still really cool to have everyone meet him when he came into the world, and my husband still hasn’t regretted it.

The first time I saw a birth I knew I would never let my future husband see that kind of scene. I remember screaming “Don’t let him down there!” through a haze of mind-bending pain when I heard the midwife suggest he cut the cord. (He was cool as a cucumber though.)

But really, some things just don’t need to be shared. I think the old model where births were attended by experienced women made a lot more sense than having the shaky and inexperienced first-time dad expected to do all the labor support.