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Strollerderby
Stop Overpraising. Now.
My new favorite phrase: giving self-esteem without portfolio.
What does it mean? Well, it’s bad, it’s wrong, and you’re probably doing it.
“Giving self-esteem without portfolio” is Katie Couric’s way of saying you’re overpraising your child.
The CBS newscaster talks about over-praising — and better ways to encourage your children — with Ellen Galinsky, author of Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs.
If you don’t have time to watch the three-minute video, here’s the take away:
Telling your kid, “you’re so smart!” makes them fear mistakes. They’ll take fewer risks, if any at all, and without making mistakes they won’t really learn anything.
Instead, acknowledge your child’s effort. “You spent a lot of time on that project!” “I see that you’re working hard!”
Process not outcome, people, process not outcome.
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Video: CBS
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[...] Culbreth writes in the latest issue of Reader’s Digest about the damage that overpraising and overprotecting can do to our children’s sense of [...]
The Perfect Childhood Isn't So Good | Strollerderby commented on Jun 16 10 at 1:07 pmGary commented on Apr 28 10 at 3:03 pmI can see you worked hard on this post!
Laure68 commented on Apr 28 10 at 3:18 pmI’m calling BS on this. So, when your kid does something good, saying it this way is “bad”, but saying it that way is “good”, and by saying things the “bad” way will ruin them. ugh. It is hard for me to believe that these little things are going to make such a huge difference.
Amy commented on Apr 28 10 at 3:19 pmUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. Again, proof of my horrible parenting. Will I ever get it right??
BlackOrchid commented on Apr 28 10 at 3:44 pmWhen does Katie Couric stop being annoying? Ever?
“Stop telling us Moms what to do. Now.”
Andrea commented on Apr 28 10 at 4:34 pmShe may be annoying, but the concept of praising the work and not the result is not at all new, and is very well backed up by a lot of research and high quality studies that look at both the short term and long term results of types of praise. It also makes sense. If you tell a kid that they’re smart over and over, they’re going to be afraid of disproving that. If you tell them that they work hard, it shows that you value their effort regardless of their success. It’s not an incredibly difficult change to make, it’s not going to hurt your kids if you slip occasionally, but that the type of praise a parent or other adult gives matters is incredibly well established. It’s actually one of the biggest small changes you can make, and it’s mostly just about changing a habit.
LindaLou commented on Apr 28 10 at 5:45 pmI can’t believe this is news.
Alyson commented on Apr 28 10 at 9:23 pmAnother way to break it down: Praise the verb, not the noun.
brex commented on Apr 29 10 at 2:49 pmIf you really want your head to explode (with rage), try Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting. He pretty much says that everyone’s screwing up their kids by using praise and punishment. He has a lot of good, insightful things to say as well, but it’s hard to pick them out amongst all the scolding.
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