People try to reason with 2-year-olds? No wonder I see so many feral children when I leave the house.

@ baconsmom: LOL! So true! I’ve been to two kids birthday parties in two weeks and saw too many cases of kids in need of a walmart beating.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat

Nuff said! :)

Ma and Pa Ingalls were right.

I’m on the fence on this. I think one stiff wack to the ass now and then to get their attention when they’re toddlers and testing their willfulness sometimes is OK. As my kid is approaching 3, though, we’ve decided–no more. She is old enough to understand stern language and take stuff seriously. I think she might be well-behaved in part because of some of the past spankings, though. At the same time, I feel like a jerk for having done it. What a mess…at this point, though, I just have to tell myself as a rule NO hitting. I can be pretty scary in other ways than hitting. Thankfully my husband does not hit. I think its much worse to be hit by a dad than a mom, if you’re a girl.

Punish your child on a level that they understand, as long as whatever method you choose, works. The kids that are so far gone that they become screaming heathens the moment they hear “no”, the ones that persist in being a bully who pushes/shoves/bites, or a mouthy brat that disrespects their parents and other adults, needs something that will get their attention… and talking till you’re blue in the face ain’t gonna cut it. They’re the ones in need of physical discipline. But for those who are catching the vapors over the very thought of striking a child? Yours are the ones the rest of us are looking at and whispering about when they curse you out in public.

Once again, everyone freaks out because they think there is a one size fits all solution for all children. There isn’t. Children, believe it or not, are all individual people who behave, react and learn in different ways.

My first child is a calm, laid back, reasonable child who is easy to discipline because he respects that there is a hierarchy and that he generally needs to do as we explain because we have more life experience and are wiser than he. He listens and this means we can reason with him. He has always been this way. My three year old? Not so much. Like my son, she is bright, enthusiastic and fun, but I have never known a more stubborn person and she simply freaks out when things aren’t running according to (her) plan.

Intellectually, I cannot condone the idea of disciplining through ‘violence’ – but we frequently feel that the options we are employing are not working. We hope that time our friend.

Honestly? I sometimes feel I am doing her a disservice by not giving her a quick smack, to catch her attention while she is hysterically screaming at me. I want to raise a good adult and to that end, I think Mistress_Scorpio makes some good points. Before I had children, did I think nurture would win out over nature? Yes. I still believed that after having my first child. Do I believe that now? Less so, but I’m still hoping!

I am with Manjari. I was also a well-behaved and thoughtful child and my parents never spanked me or used the threat of violence to control me. In my opinion, it’s just never OK.

Manjari, I think you hit on a point in your reply… “YOU were a well-behaved, thoughtful child.” Not every child has that personality, and it’s totally normal. Some kids need stricter boundaries and thrive better with them. If simply talking with a child works, then I am all for it! I know many people it works for. I know just as many people it doesn’t work for, whether they are inconsistent, threaten consequences that never occur, or *are* consistent and they have just been gifted with a particularly defiant and willful child. What’s more is I was rarely ‘spanked’ by my mother, but I was ‘beaten’ by my holy roller stepfather as a child, for such infractions like breaking a dish when I was washing a sinkful at the age of 8. I know the difference between parenting with violence and setting limitations with consequences that a child can understand. I’d wager that many people know the difference, and those who dole it out sparingly also do it as a last resort. The fact that many people don’t know the difference doesn’t make the practice off-limits as one of what should be many disciplinary tools a parent can call on.

I was spanked as a child and the spanking did not deter the behavior my parents wanted changed. I don’t plan on spanking my child, because it is ineffective as a disciplinary tool.

“the ones that persist in being a bully who pushes/shoves/bites”

In my extensive real life experience, that kid is always spanked. Frequently. And it shows.

Wow, even I don’t have the gall to call my knowledge base “extensive real life experience.” But hey, while we’re pulling theories out of our own behinds and calling them conclusive, the brattiest, baddest kids I know are the ones whose parents gently and respectfully inform them of consequences that never come. See, that was easy!