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Diaper-Changing Dads Hurt Mom’s Self-Esteem
A new study out of Osaka University of Commerce in Japan has found that when moms are paired with helpful, competent dads who really care about child care, their self-esteem takes a direct hit.
Yes, I know, I laughed to. By all means, change the kid’s diaper. My ego can take it.
But this study is serious. It says that though moms are out in the work force bringing home their share of the bacon, their self-worth is tied to motherhood. And when that is threatened, so is their self-esteem.
From LiveScience:
“While mothers are encouraged to join the workforce, socially constructed ideals of motherhood requires mothers to be primary caregivers,” said study researcher Takayuki Sasaki of the Osaka University of Commerce in Japan. “Thus, employed mothers may feel pressured to do more care-giving to ensure the survival of their feelings of self-competence, even though they may wish for fathers’ increased participation to lessen their burden.”
So we want dads play a bigger role in their kids lives, then we feel guilty when they do … sound about right?
Researchers interviewed 78 couples with 8-month-old babies about self-esteem and their spouse’s role in care-taking, and then measured actual interaction during home visits. They found that the more competent a father was, the more a mother’s self-competence falters.
Also discovered during the study are two things that anyone married-with-children already knows: Women praise men for a job well done when they care for a child, but men rarely do the same for women. And while women generally said their husbands were good caretakers, they complained that their husbands didn’t take care of the kids like moms do.
What’s important to note is that these researchers are not suggesting that moms are happiest when they’re in the caretaking role — i.e. stay-at-home moms. Care-taking dads increased marital satisfaction (DUH), and working actually helped increase moms’ self esteem.
But they did do a good job of describing how cultural expectations can interfere with a family’s satisfaction and even efficiency.
What do you think about this study?
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5 Comments
adhocmom commented on Mar 22 10 at 9:53 amMy husband is Involved (note Big letter I) and this DOES NOT hurt my self esteem – however, I was just thinking how crazy it is that we just got back from a weekend with family. I am self employed, and because I take care of our kid more during the week, my husband does more on weekends. Fair right? I always feel like our family will think I’m lazy, or a horrible mother, because my husband is doing more. SO while this isn’t a self esteem issue per se – there is something to moms judging themselves when dad is involved more. Which is all just nonsense.
P
http://www.adhocmom.com
Nancy commented on Mar 22 10 at 11:13 amOkay – I’ll say it – I agree with it! My husband and I both work demanding full time jobs. He is a pretty hands on father; though I do more house related duties. He’s a great guy. But one of my “post pardum” issues is feeing like I was still a good mother and I often felt jealous of the relationship my husband had with our children. The backstory is far more complicated than I’m including here but one of my adjustments to becoming a mother has also been sharing the sunlight and adoration of my children equally with my husband. I wouldn’t change a thing because I know I’m in a very fair and progressive marriage and I’m rather shocked I had these feelings, but they were there nonetheless.
kellyannecat commented on Mar 22 10 at 1:09 pmUgh, this describes the dynamic in our home perfectly, alas.
Ri-chan commented on Mar 22 10 at 1:13 pmI think that when looking at this study, you’d have to consider cultural differences.
deebee commented on Mar 22 10 at 10:22 pmMy ego doesn’t mind avoiding cement-like poo smearing our charming child’s little cloth diapers, no. Not at freaking all. I take care of my husband, and my kids, and he takes care of me and the kids. I fail to see why my or any other mom’s ego should be hurt, we all do what we can.
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