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Strollerderby
Note To Chattering Parents: Put a Sock In It
We’ve all read the advice to constantly stimulate your baby with talk — keeping up a ceaseless stream of updates and information, packing in every possible teachable moment. And quite frankly, sometimes I’ve even annoyed myself with the constant chatter: “Yes! Now we’re going to go get milk! Yes! The milk jug has BLUE on it! Milk comes from COWS!”
Apparently, I’m not the only one rolling my eyes and thinking “will you LISTEN to yourself, woman?” (Much as, I should note, I do love talking to them and think it’s helped them both develop good verbal skills). Susan Goldberg, writing for the New York Times “Complaint Box” blog, describes this phenomenon thusly: “Vibrating with earnestness and a gravitas that can seem eerily out of proportion to the setting, they pollute the public airspace as they loudly instruct their artisanal children on topics like sharing, Unicef or the water table — all the while glancing about furtively to make sure that people have noticed how very patient and loving and role model-y they are.”
Funny, but ooofff. I vibrate with earnestness pretty much never, no one who knows me would use the word gravitas as a descriptor, and I would rather people NOT pay attention to my parenting skills because THERE’S a double-edged sword for you. But haven’t we all run across those parents who need to take things down, like, 19 notches? No grocery shopping trip, park outing or preschool class is safe from their pushy, overbearing ways. My favorite was a mom in a music class I took with my daughter when she was a toddler who took it upon herself to start bossing the teacher so the children could have “an organic musical experience.”
Goldberg’s main complaint, it must be said, is the rather LOUD tone these parents utilize in their endless educational prattle. She herself, she swears, used positively dulcet tones during her own days of “maternal showboating.” I’m not taking any bets on that, personally. But it does remind me that if I’m concerned with exposing my children to a language-rich environment, I should probably keep it down. After all, I’d rather my fellow adults don’t share their own fully-developed language skills — complete with “grownup words that aren’t a good thing to say” with me.
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10 Comments
PlumbLucky commented on Mar 09 10 at 10:19 amPretty sure its more glancing around to make sure nobody’s giving me that look of “who the hell let you out on a daypass, crazy lady?”. Know what though? I don’t really care, either. My child cracks up over our grocery store discussions and “talks” back. And I do try to keep my voice quieter than normal, too. For one thing…quiet is as quiet does.
GP commented on Mar 09 10 at 10:27 amThis may not be what the NYT writer was carrying on about, but sometimes people look at me when I am just having an average, small-talk conversation with my kid, like they are as surprised as if I was talking to myself. We don’t say anything really “showy” we just chat, same way I might chat with my husband or friend if we were shopping together. I think many people don’t understand that children are human beings and there are things to be said to them other than “no” “stop running” or “cut it out”, etc. I think people in general are weird about the level of their voices in public these days. I more often hear people talking quite loudly on their cell phones and what’s even weirder is then they just have those ear pieces. It’s taken me about three years to realize that there aren’t a bunch of nutjobs strolling around talking to themselves when I see this.
BlackOrchid commented on Mar 09 10 at 11:08 amOh GP I totally agree! I often get funny looks just for having a normal conversation with my 7 year old. Why IS that?
Then the BlueTooth people – that apparently is just fine and normal. I don’t get.
Anyway this person can go ahead and whinge, but who cares? I think it’s great when I hear parents talking to their kids and I hope they ignore this small little person’s essay.
jenny tries too hard commented on Mar 09 10 at 2:04 pmMeh…the people who complain about parents talking to their kids are probably the same ones who will snap that you’re an incompetent parent if your two-or-three-year-old doesn’t speak perfectly. I know a woman who gripes about this and then gripes about toddlers speaking in sentence fragments because “Their parents don’t teach them”. Drives me bonkers.
Laure68 commented on Mar 09 10 at 3:05 pmI also agree with GP. I enjoy talking to my son when we are out. It really is more about making everyday tasks (like grocery shopping) a little more fun.
And I am so with you on the cell phones. People have no problem talking at top volume into those ear pieces, but someone with a kid needs to whisper?
Eric commented on Mar 09 10 at 4:15 pmIsn’t the argument being made by the author that ‘maternal showboating’ is bad? Constant, loud, instruction of your kid is not the same as simply speaking with them is it? I think you may have overreacted there a little BlackOrchid.
BlackOrchid commented on Mar 09 10 at 5:02 pm“Maternal showboating” is in the jaundiced eye of the beholder, if I may mix metaphors here! I read the essay and since it’s completely subjective and based on her perceptions how does one know? It sounded just like sourness to me, however.
And I would hope it wouldn’t make anyone think twice about interacting – and loudly is fine if the setting is appropriate! – with their small children.
ann05 commented on Mar 09 10 at 5:31 pmPeople on cellphones have incredibly loud, irritating, and inappropriate conversations all the time. And nobody’s brain development is at stake.
C.G commented on Mar 10 10 at 2:37 amChatting with your kid is NOT what the author is talking about. I believe she is referring to those parents who in that over-loud, excessively enunciated voice sing song every freaking thing in site.
eg: “This is a RED apple!” “Apples grow on TREES!!” “When we bite apples they go CRUNCH!” “Horsies like apples too!” “OOOO here’s a yellow pear!”
etc etc and so on. At the top of their lungs. That goes a fair bit beyond simple chatting.
C.G commented on Mar 10 10 at 2:38 amsite=sight. It is after midnight and my coach has turned in to a pumpkin ;)
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