Kudos to her. I know its sexist and there are lots of great dads out there, but my kid has a dad. For babysitting, I wouldn’t hire a male. Period.

We shelled out for a sitting/nanny service that screens all the sitters ahead of time. It is expensive and we don’t go out very often. I don’t know that I would worry about a male sitter and sexual abuse more than a female sitter and physical abuse, are there statistics comparing them? I would guess the second situation is actually more prevalent.

Good for her for doing the right thing (and thank the stars!) I hope that monster is put away for a long time…

I suppose I’m not saying I would never do so – and certainly I have had my brother-in-law sit! – but I guess if we’re talking a teenager, I would have to know a boy a lot better than a girl, does that make sense? I would wonder about his motivations, which I know is unfair, but I can’t say it wouldn’t be on my mind. If I had boys it would probably be less of an issue; I’m thinking more of my daughter.

I would trust family…my own brother, brothers in law? That would depend, really. I just look at statistics. So, so many more men than women are pedophiles and sex offenders. It’s pretty rare in women. And, I, too, would question the motive of a young man who wants to babysit, not like, meanly question the motive, but just be like…why? Teachers are different. That’s a PROFESSION and they have to go through official screening and such. Still, the folks in the news report posted here knew this fellow well, so you just never know. That’s why I’d play the odds and choose a woman, actually a young girl/college ag girl, most likely.

GP and Angela, I think I understand the statistics argument: you want to bring to an absolute minimum the chances that your child will be molested, and given the pedophilia numbers, OK. Fair enough. But I guess my response would be that, given the very, very, very slim chances that anything would happen in either case, and the (at best) marginal protective advantage hiring only female babysitters would give you, it’s not worth the message we’re sending our sons. Again, I wonder why we would question the motive of a young man who is interested in caring for children, but not a young woman (assuming we know the two equally well). Isn’t it a rather small step from that to the conclusion that childcare is women’s work?

This is not a great analogy, but to me it’s like the argument that sometimes comes up about letting your kids walk to school by themselves vs. driving them. Yes, driving them might make it 0.0000001% less likely that they won’t be kidnapped on the way to school (yes, I did pull that number out of nowhere), but you can only argue that it’s absolutely the best choice if we assume there’s no downside to never letting them walk by themselves. I guess I’m saying that there’s a downside to this default position of distrust of male caregivers.
Thanks so much for your thoughts on this…

When I was a kid, my brother was always the one who would babysit, not me – he would take care of the neighbors’ kids and infants all the time. Our neighbors were entirely comfortable with it – and I do think in part, it’s because they knew him – he was involved in neighborhood events, mowed their lawns, and was on sports teams (unlike his introverted bookish sister!). I am always really glad when boys with an interest in nurturing are able to develop their skills that way, and I agree with Louise about the message. But I also know that fear is not rational; we can argue all we want about what the statistics actually prove and the messages we send, but fear is a powerful motivator, and if someone is afraid that all males are predators – whether or not that’s rational – there’s very little we can say to convince them to take what they see as a big risk by following the data.

I am a horrible typer…that should say “not that men cannot be sole care providers in a pinch”

I actually think I would have to know a boy extremely well to let him babysit my kids. But I think it’s because I was abused by multiple men/teenage boys as a girl. Some were in my family, and some weren’t. I just don’t trust very many men at all (except my husband!) I will say, though, that I stopped letting a woman watch my son because I started getting worried about some of her behaviors too. I’m not the type of person who doesn’t use babysitters or anything though. I do have regular ones that I use, but I definitely look for signs for inappropriate behavior all the time.

Gotta say I agree with Eric’s point. I have had men I know well look after my child. I also keep a eye out for inappropriate behaviors in anyone my child is spending time around, like tir stated. In my opinion childcare is a parent’s work and I suppose this is the context in which I am most comfortable having a male, other than my husband, care for my child. The only teen I trust to care for my child is one where I know her whole family and have watched grow up. Heavens help me when she leaves for college.

If we’re just talking statistics, isn’t it MOST likely that kids will be abused by a relative? Everything I’ve ever read has said that the whole “stranger danger” thing is exaggerated and young people are more at risk from uncles, grandfathers, etc, than baby-sitters.

Quite honestly, GP, I find your position (not yours exclusively)offensive. People are individuals and you should evaluate them as such. You shouldn’t be mincing statistics to see what gender, color, class, or orientation they are to decide whether you should hire them for a job (childcare or otherwise). Thank God we have laws that prevent the kind of discrimination you’re talking about in most jobs.

yes, because bright, early twenties young ladies, like Louise Woodward, never hurt the children in their care…

oh, calm down, I was being facetious. My daughters’ daycare employs men, too, so I guess I’m just a monster. Women past their twenties, too, as people often are when they’ve got years of special ed experience. Everyone has their preferences, but you just come across as being so judgemental that poking fun is darn near irrestible. Oh, a 28-year-old single mom wants to babysit—maybe she thinks it’s a good way for her kid to have a playmate while allowing the mom to spend a few less hours away from home. But she drives a BUS! How PLEBIAN! And goodness knows, if your kid spent time, as you said occasionally, in another home she might learn that other families don’t consider childcare women’s work. And don’t get me started on immigrants…because of course, spelling in your second language is the best marker of a tendency to abuse children.

I think it’s possible to state preferences without denigrating others’ choices and generalizing. We all slip from time to time, but if it wasn’t practically every post with you, it’d be easier to take.

Sorry…I drove her to it…my post does make me sound a bit snobby…but, the point is, I took the time out to interview the bad-spelling immigrants and they failed to provide follow-up references, when they’d said they had them, thereby wasting my time. As for the single mom bus driver, it’s not that it’s a working class job, it’s that its a STRESSFUL job, and it’s also stressful to be a single parent and I’m not going to be the one with my kid as the guinea pig to this woman’s stress and I’m certainly not going to haul my kid to someone else’s house at night every time I wanna go on a date with my husband. Further, I think in the case of this topic, *I* am the one who is having their choices/preferences denigrated by others. Thing is, I don’t really care…

*anger pill taken, Dr. Heck*

My issue honestly, is that I was honestly being facetious with the Lousise Woodward comment, in the way I often am to GP, and she then unleashed a load of examples that apparently serve to justify her prejudices.

Obviously, if I placed an ad that specified childcare in my home, and someone called up offering childcare somewhere else, that person wouldn’t get the job—but I wouldn’t try to twist that into their dayjob and/or single-parent status being relevent. Presumably, this single mom was not hired because she was unable to do the job you were offering, right? Last I checked it was at least immoral/unethical for employers to even ask about single parent status. Is GP saying that a twenty-year-old single mom/bus driver who left her own kid with Grandma to go babysit in a client’s home would still be disqualified? Because that’s what it sounded like.

Also, if you didn’t hire someone because they didn’t have references, why bring their country-of-origin (confirmed or not, I don’t know) and their poor spelling into it? Which is odd, by the way, because a twenty-year-old international college student with no children might very well be an immigrant who spells poorly—-but she would still fit your desired demographic, right?

I am not a fan of prejudice. Sorry. GP, I agree with you a good deal of the time, but my main issue with you is prejudice. Non-College-Age person = unqualified sitter. Working Mom = Selfish materialist. Non-Cosleeper = Hateful towards little babies Non-Nursing Mom = Selfish materialist / lazy shirker / tool of formula companies

It’s absolutely your right to have these prejudices, and to state them. But, if you would recognize that people are different, that some college-students are more stressed by school and dating than some others are by a job and a kid, it would go a long way.

I’m not denigrating your choice—I’m denigrating the prejudice not just on this post but on the last few I’ve checked.

oh and by the way, I didn’t ask her about her single/married/mom status…she told me voluntarily…

I got into a conversation with a younger man who was working at our day care center as his summer job a few years ago. He told me that his friends all laughed at him for working with little kids when they were doing ‘manly’ jobs like road construction, but as far as he was concerned the joke was on them, because they were pouring asphalt in the blazing sun while he was reading stories and kicking balls with adoring four-year-olds. I suspect the primary motivator for any potential babysitter/nanny/whatever is that they get paid, and that getting paid for child care is more appealing than whatever the alternatives are.