babble » blogs » Strollerderby
Strollerderby
Colleges Tattle to Parents when Students Caught Drinking
Remember the beloved children’s book The Runaway Bunny? Little Bunny tried his hardest to run away, but his mother kept blocking his escape route: She’d be a fisherman fishing him out of the stream, the wind blowing his sailboat, and the tree he flies home to.
“If you become a crocus in a hidden garden,” said his mother, “I will be a gardener. And I will find you.”
Cute when you’re three, of course. It’s comforting to know that mom’s always looking out for you. But at 18? It starts to move into the realm of creepy.
Parenting blogs are discussing a new trend this week: Colleges have noticed the influx of helicopter parents on their campuses, and they’re taking advantage of the extra attention. At some colleges, parents of underage students who get caught drinking get a phone call home to alert Mom and Dad.
Rachael Larimore at Slate’s XX says:
By the time you send them away to school, they should know that you’re not going to come running every time they need their nose wiped but also that they don’t need to fear you. What happens when they get into the workforce and they make a mistake? Should their bosses call Mommy, too?
Actually, Larimore isn’t as far off as she thinks.
Lisa Belkin at Motherlode thinks college officials might be crossing a line:
In playing the parent card, college officials are using something they usually complain about — the overenmeshment of parents in students’ lives — to their advantage. Yes, they lament that parents swoop in and smooth the way for their children far too often, not letting students make decisions on their own. On the other hand, John Zucker, director of student conduct at the University of Maryland, tells Johnson: “There is no magical line here between May of their senior year of high school and college. When do they really become a responsible adult?”
There’s no concrete answer for that question, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t happen by sitting in your child’s dorm room holding their hand.
I have a friend who has a niece just 10 years younger than her. When that niece turned 18, my friend sat her down and told her every mistake my friend had ever made. Then her niece turned around and made them all over again anyway. “Why didn’t she listen to me?” my friend asked, exasperated. She didn’t listen, because that’s how you become a responsible adult. You make mistakes, you pick yourself up, and you try things a different way next time.
College is a time for parents to try out a supporting role, but these rules put them right back in charge. What do you think? If your kid was caught drinking at school, would you want to know about it?
Go Back To Strollerderby
8 Comments
Amanda commented on Mar 03 10 at 10:46 amI don’t think this is ok. Almost all college students are 18 or over. They are legal adults.
Ri-chan commented on Mar 03 10 at 12:57 pmI stopped all contact with my parents the day I turned 18. I think this practice should not be allowed, at 18 you are a legal adult and it is none of your parents buisness what you do. I think rules like this assume that everyone has loving parents. I think this would cross the line and would violate a students right to privacy.
anonymom commented on Mar 03 10 at 5:05 pmI would agree with you all if the parents weren’t paying the tuition. When the parents are footing the bill, I think they have a right to know. Many of these policies are actually 10-12 years old. Several parents sued universities after their children died from alcohol-related deaths. When it was revealed that students had prior conduct records for alcohol violations, parents were furious that they hadn’t been told. Universities started parental notification policies as a way to cover their butts. It’s also important to note that if students can display financial autonomy their parents can’t be notified (at least at public universities).
PlumbLucky commented on Mar 04 10 at 8:06 amRandom question: you mean to tell me that these helicoptor parents never drank in college?
I suspect that if my parents had received such a call, they probably would not have been angry so much as annoyed. College is when you learn to be a functioning adult.
I think you have something there anonymom. I remember a VERY high profile case at the university I attended. A freshman rushed a sorority, and after a party, she fell out of her dormitory window, fell six stories, and died. Her parents sued and were all over the university in the press. A couple problems that I had with that scenario?
It was carried as far as it was in the public eye and the press in part because of who her parents are.
She wasn’t the only one in her family in a sorority at that U. I somehow doubt that her parents were ignorant of the Greek culture at that particular university – it was party and booze central. I stayed right away from that scene.
The (over)consumption of alcohol occured off campus at a private party.
She was 18, if memory serves me correctly. So yeah, maybe she shouldn’t have been drinking BUT see the first couple comments just above this one.
She fell through the window because it had been jerry-rigged to permit more airflow – common in that dormitory. Probably leaned out to vomit.
Tragic? Yes. But to claim the university negligent? I’d call that “pushing it”. Perhaps only on the window, but I’m not sure what it is that they could have done to prevent 1,000+ students from messing with their windows in that dormitory.
ann05 commented on Mar 04 10 at 8:19 amThe majority of parents don’t seem to have raised their college aged children to understand that they are adults, at least based on the conduct I see at the school I work at. They are functionally children (not all, mind you, just most). They have no sense of personal responsibility, no organizational or life skills, and their parents still seem to make the bulk of their decisions. Given this, might as well tell the parents when they’re out of line.
E commented on Mar 04 10 at 9:25 amAnn05- couldn’t agree more! I just got an e-mail from a parent who told me their kid was a minor until 21 so I should be able to tell them anything about his academics. A minor until 21? In what country?
Lisa commented on Mar 04 10 at 6:33 pmI think it depends upon the circumstances. If s/he was quietly drinking with some friends with no one doing anything grossly stupid and got busted by dumb luck, it probably doesn’t warrant parental contact. On the other hand, stupidity with drinking does. A student who exhibits risky behavior while drunk… A student drinking alone on a regular basis. A student who drinks so much they require medical attention. A student who drinks and drives. Yeah, there should be intervention.
Anonymous commented on Mar 05 10 at 3:54 pmI’m a 22 year old college student at a school that LIVES to drink, blaze and copulate. If the parents are paying the bill, they should know. I know for a fact my university does it not so that parents can swoop in to cosset their babies, but so that the parents can actually PARENT. I know, I know, the whole “18″ thing; I would take it more seriously if college kids acted less like overgrown middle school brats. Colleges will also make exceptions and NOT call home if the kid is from a situation that could result in violence for such an offense.
Add your take:
Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions,
but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
Lori Garcia 
Joslyn Gray 
Amber Doty 
Julianna Miner 
Monica Bielanko 
Sierra Black 
Meredith Carroll 
Carolyn Castiglia 
Sunny Chanel 
Madeline Holler 
Rebecca Odes 
Danielle Smith 
Danielle Sullivan 
Katherine Stone 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
8