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Surprise Homecomings Good for Soldiers’ Kids?
In addition to feeling really emotional, I’ve also felt pretty icky watching videos of soldiers returning home to the considerable surprise of their children. It’s kind of a private moment, and yet there I am, along with 3 million of my closest friends, clicking on the link while I drink my morning coffee.
You know how they go: Dad, who has been away in Afghanistan or Iraq, returns home earlier than the child expected. Rather than wait until the child is home, the dad — and someone holding a camera — show up at school/the corner bakery/a football game/as Santa.
Child sits stunned for a moment, then runs to dad. Kid cries. Dad cries. Camera-holder cries. We all cry. Video gets uploaded. CNN runs it round the clock. More tears.
It’s almost fun, like a movie. But, ew. That’s a real kid … whose real dad was away at war. Then Dad suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Doesn’t that mess with their minds even a little bit?
Most recently making the viral video rounds was the reaction of 10-year-old Hannah Myers, whose father, Sgt. J0seph Myers suddenly appears in the Texas girl’s classroom. Even the still shots are stirring. And Hannah loved it all, according to the Times piece. She got attention from her classmates, which never happened before. She still Googles her name to make sure her video is ranking high.
Over the weekend, the New York Times talked to psychologists about this homecoming trend, whether it’s harmful to kids, when it shouldn’t happen.
Some have debated whether these recorded surprises exploit the children. One military mom who runs a support group said she wasn’t in favor of them, because one couldn’t know how the child would react. “…The child has been without a parent for so long. The child can hold anger. You never know how they’re going to react.”
But I wonder, especially in some of the younger kids — 2, 3, 4 years old — what would happen if their dads then returned to war and, worst case scenario, never returned. Would they go to school every day wondering if this was the day Daddy finally showed up? Do they wish they could pull every Santa’s beard in the hopes of again finding their fathers? Even good surprises can be completely overwhelming for kids — do I, do we, have a right to watch that?
Jon Myatt, a spokesperson for Florida Military Affairs, is very much in favor of these over-the-top reunions. He recommends not organizing one for a teen — who may be scared to get emotional in front of peers. But the heavy coverage of these events, he says, give Americans a glimpse of military life, something we don’t get enough of, he argues.
Still. It’s not a full glimpse. We’re really only seeing 1:45 minutes of the happy parts.
Maybe that’s why we’re all crying.
What do you think of these videos? Community-building or bad for the kids?
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13 Comments
[...] Are Surprise Homecomings Harmful to Soldiers’ Kids? [...]
Co-Sleeping, Not Nursing, Blamed for Baby’s In-Flight Death | Strollerderby commented on Dec 02 09 at 4:21 pm[...] Are Surprise Homecomings Harmful to Soldiers’ Kids? [...]
Babies: Movie Follows 4 in First Year of Life | Strollerderby commented on Dec 02 09 at 5:30 pmcavale commented on Dec 01 09 at 6:49 pmi think it’s hilarious that that little girl is wearing a peace sign t-shirt.
Sara commented on Dec 01 09 at 7:51 pmI’d never do that for my child. Having your loved one return is a very complicated experience emotionally and it’s unfair to not give them the chance to deal with that.
Now if the kids know Dad is coming home and just don’t know the specific day then it’s fairly harmless if the soldier isn’t having a homecoming ceremony.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Dec 01 09 at 9:41 pmI feel like it’s a little exploitive…
jenny tries too hard commented on Dec 01 09 at 10:00 pmI was never a big fan of publishing any moment like this— people meeting their newly adopted children on television, live marriage proposals, etc always made me cringe.
Korinthia Klein commented on Dec 02 09 at 8:05 amI think the thing a lot of people don’t realize, however, is that families get almost no notice about when soldiers return. That information is in flux up to the last moment. I was given a range of about three weeks to expect my husband home the last time he returned from Iraq, and the uncertainty was very stressful. I didn’t share that with my kids and only told them he was returning when it was narrowed down to the day right before he came back. So on that level it’s a surprise whether you want it to be or not.
In terms of the viral video clips, I leave that to the judgment of the individual parents. I don’t think my kids would mind, but I wouldn’t do it. I know a lot of us struggle with feeling very alone in our situation. My kids have no one else who can relate to what it’s like to have their dad away at war. A public homecoming like the ones being talked about could make a child feel like he or she is finally being noticed. Depending on the child that is not a bad thing.
Bec commented on Dec 02 09 at 9:18 amI don’t think it’s any more exploitative than any Mommy/Daddy-blogger posting videos. (For the record, I don’t think those are exploitative at all.) Like the dentist-frozen-mouth kid, or a little president-listing prodigy, it’s only a few seconds in time. As far as I am aware, none of these homecoming videos have been on a live feed to the news, and I’m fairly sure if it didn’t go well they wouldn’t upload the footage.
As for your concerns about setting some sort of precendent for happiness… I think that’s ridiculous. Maybe a SAHM should never surprise her kids either, in case they then expect a surprise everyday and are disappointed. Or in case she gets hit by a bus unexpectedly, and never does it again. See? Silly.
Ali commented on Dec 02 09 at 10:32 amAs the mother of two children(under 6) who have been through 3 deployments I have never wanted the media capturing our personal moments. That said I greatly appreciate the families that do allow it. These images keep military families in the hearts and minds of the civilian population.
snarky mama commented on Dec 02 09 at 12:37 pmI think the videos are touching. If a parent who surprises his/her child like this is worried about “exploitation” then perhaps that parent should not upload these videos to the internet or share them with their local news network.
Da Man commented on Dec 26 09 at 10:53 amComments
I am so sick of seeing these videos.
1. Proves that people will do just about anything to get on the @#$% Today show.
2. Think about it…the parents HAVE to withhold information from the child about daddy’s return to pull this off.
3. And then alert the news media to film the thing.
4. Elevates one person’s service above that of others.
5. The real point—if you CHOSE to join the military, and CHOSE to have children, then don’t cry in public about the consequences of those choices.
Joan commented on Aug 12 10 at 11:37 pmTHIS is reality tv.
CattyMarie commented on Nov 05 11 at 1:46 pmMy daughter has requested to be surprised the next time daddy comes home. Why? The countdown, the anticipation, and the wait are all very stressful for her. Instead she will get to spend this deployment enjoying As for sharing the moment that should be up to individual families. There is nothing wrong with sharing a short but important moment with the world if that is what you want to do. I did make the choice to do this and I am very proud of what my husband does. I don’t know many people who would sacrifice years away from family and comforts just so others can have the freedom to say whatever they want to
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