babble » blogs » Strollerderby
Strollerderby
“Tough Love” is Good for Kids
A British study has concluded that a “tough love” approach to parenting brings out the best in kids. The study showed that kids whose parents were engaged in their lives and set clear rules and expectations had the most “character”.
According the report’s author, Jen Lexmond, “It is confidence, warmth and consistent discipline that matter most.”
How do you measure character? The Demos think tank looked at personality traits like:
- self-control
- empathy
- application.
They found that five-year-olds who had received a balance of warmth and firmness from their parents scored better in these areas than those whose parents were laissez-faire or disengaged.
The study also found that economic class was a major factor in children’s success, with rich kids doing better in the character department than their poor peers. Additionally, children of married parents fared better than children growing up in single parent house or with a stepparent.
The factor that mattered most, however, was the quality of parenting kids received during their preschool years. Breastfeeding and the educational background of the child’s primary caregiver also gave kids a boost in the character department.
Paid employment for either parent did not affect the kids’ character development at all.
How important is character? It’s an essential skill for success in life, the think tank says, and one that can’t be taught later on. By the time a child is five years old, their core personality is largely shaped already.
To help even the playing field between rich and poor, the group is recommending that Britain’s Sure Start program put more resources into parenting education and support, and focus less on daycare.
The study isn’t advocating punishing young kids to toughen them up, but rather staying involved in their lives and teaching them from an early age to be responsible for themselves and their actions.
What do you think? How tough is your love? Do your kids run wild, or do you rein them in?
Photo: Jurgen Schiller Garcia
Go Back To Strollerderby
5 Comments
[...] poll comes on the heels of new research indicating that a “tough love” approach to parenting serves children best. The “tough love” study found that kids [...]
What’s the Best Punishment For Kids? | Strollerderby commented on Nov 19 09 at 9:30 am[...] you a tough-love parent? StollerDerby shares that it might be a good [...]
PlanetKid » Healthy Kid Lunches and Tough Love: Friday Finds commented on Nov 20 09 at 9:09 amJames Young commented on Nov 13 09 at 9:49 amIn your being a parent to your children, it doesn’t make you their master to be feared. You only have to be their guides as they trod along their own life’s path. At this stage of their lives, it would be helpful if you don’t give them someone who’s judgmental, but rather, a person whom they could rely on for advices and encouragement.
PDeverit commented on Jan 03 10 at 11:30 pmChild buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:
Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like “Supernanny” and “Dr. Phil” are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn’t a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit http://www.nospank.net.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn’t a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
Churches’ Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus’ Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
PDeverit commented on Jan 03 10 at 11:31 pmThe vast majority of experts agree that child buttock-battering isn’t healthy. A marginal amount (mostly religious Fundamentalists) think child bottom-slapping is a good thing.
Add your take:
Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions,
but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
Joslyn Gray 
Amber Doty 
Julianna Miner 
Monica Bielanko 
Sierra Black 
Meredith Carroll 
Carolyn Castiglia 
Sunny Chanel 
Madeline Holler 
Wendy Michaels 
Rebecca Odes 
Danielle Smith 
Danielle Sullivan 
Katherine Stone 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
5