Marshmallows or Murderers?
The other day, a coworker, knowing that my kids do not watch scary or violent films and that we eschew excessive competitiveness, said I was raising marshmallows. While I disagree with him for a number of reasons, he is correct in that I am doing my best to raise kids who don’t find violence amusing or acceptable. That’s why, when I came across an article about the recent gang rape of a 15-year-old Richmond, California girl, I found it especially interesting.
A woman writing at Moveovermommy.com, who also happens to be a lawyer working with children from broken or troubled homes, offered some insight into the sorts of kids who could watch such an atrocity, let alone participate. She says that these are “boys and girls whose have faced so much turmoil in their short lives, have seen so much ugliness in their family and neighborhoods and have received so little support that their sense of humanity (to the extent it ever existed) left them long ago.”
That actually makes a lot of sense. While I still don’t think I’m going to let my kids watch scary or violent movies or play violent video games, I am going to make sure they know they are well loved and fully supported in everything they do. In the big picture, however, as Moveovermommy writes, the real issue is “something far more primal about what is missing for these and other children in our communities — a steady loving presence in their lives that provides security, stability and time and space to believe in a better way.” As a society, I think we need to concentrate more on making sure that all kids have a loving and stable home as they figure out how to get along in this world and, yes, how to be human.
I have to offer my thanks to this woman and the many others who work with these kids and take them in and help make incidents like the one in Richmond a rare occurrence.
Photo: whatimeanttosay
Related Posts:
Related Posts:- Bad Elmo Terrorizes Times Square
- Starving For Two
- Mad Men Shows Off TV Violence Old-School Style
- Kids Love Rock Band? Try Showing Them How to Really Rock Out
- Why Are People Such Jerks to Children?
Tags: crime, gang rape, home, rape, richmond
6 Comments
heather commented on Nov 05 09 at 6:45 pmuhm, to be quite honest, I don’t see how telling us that you don’t allow your kids to watch horror movies is considered an acceptable tie-in to a story considering a young girl’s rape.
bettywu commented on Nov 05 09 at 9:41 pmYeah, I thought the same thing, but then I realized that in order for us to value his opinion he has to be sure we know that he’s better than us.
Eric commented on Nov 06 09 at 1:10 am“he is correct in that I am doing my best to raise kids who don’t find violence amusing or acceptable.” You may want to consider this. Violence must be acceptable at some point. Unless you are opposed to forcefully opposing genocide, the police stopping criminals, and defending your very life and the lives of your children. Violence is a deadly serious subject and should be treated as such, but I don’t think it is blanketly ‘unacceptable.’ I agree with you whole-heartedly that broken families are a huge part of the root of our problem. But another factor is missing. Courage. If you asked the kids that watched that horrible act, “is gang rape wrong?” I’m sure they would say ‘yes.’ Then what keeps them from acting to stop such actions from occurring? It is the same problem around the globe and throughout history. The Nazis, Soviets, Camiere Rouge, Hutus and Tutsis are all great examples of when seemingly normal people stood by and watched atrocities. I applaud you for limiting the garbage intake of your children, but encourage you to raise them up to be prepared to stand up to those who do evil and to those who will merely stand by. Yes, even if it means violence.
bettywu commented on Nov 06 09 at 1:51 amWell said Eric. And I apologize for the excessive snark. I just hate the snap answer “we don’t eat sugar so my children will never do bad things” etc. Life is much more complicated.
There was a fascinating story on Talk of the Nation on group and crowd dynamics. The more people are present, the less likely ANYONE is to do anything to help. This cuts across age, race, demographic and presumably the amount of TV a person has watched. It’s easy to point fingers at other people and enormously comforting to think that our choices as parents can control our kids eventual choices and outcomes.
I think we all believe there’s no way WE would have stood by - - but behavioral science may say we just might have.
Manjari commented on Nov 06 09 at 9:22 amI just don’t see a strong enough connection between the author’s choice of viewing material for his children and the incredibly tragic story of that 15 year old girl.
Roger Sinasohn commented on Nov 06 09 at 10:01 amI guess I was not clear in the point I was making — and that Moveovermommy was making, too, I think. It’s not so much about what choices you make for your kids — plenty of wonderful people grew up watching westerns and roadrunner cartoons and such — but that you make choices at all. The kids that Moveovermommy works with and the sort of kid that could do this doesn’t have anyone who cares enough to tell them not to watch Halloween 47 or even to eat their vegetables. That is the problem and the point I was trying to make.
And, yes, there are times when violence is necessary. But, like salt, we encounter so much of it in our day-to-day lives that adding more is unnecessary.
