Bad Dog = Bad Parent?
Every few months something crops up on the Internet linking the way people care for their pets to their would-be parenting skills. Everyone runs with it. We parents fight it. The cycle continues.
So what makes this one different?
Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax isn’t talking about neglectful dog owners who aren’t fit to raise a poodle - never mind a person. She said this week that ” dog-rearing style is a deadly accurate predictor of child-rearing style.”
Specifically - people who don’t set limits for their dogs won’t set them for their kids. OK, fair enough Ms. Hax - it’s a sign of a permissive nature in an adult. A bit of a pushover even. People don’t change. A pushover is not suddenly going to become a strict disciplinarian.
That said, a dog is still a dog. Because they can’t talk (you know what I mean) or get up and get their own food out of the cabinet - or for that matter, understand why they SHOULDN’T eat the food out of the garbage can - most dog owners are willing to give them a mile where we’d otherwise give an inch. Yes, even dog owners with strict feeding schedules and a good grasp on discipline. Part of being a good dog owner is understanding the difference between dog and human.
If I had to be honest with myself, I give the dog more leeway than the child. Sure, she’s only four, but she’s also moved past four “legs” (crawling) and onto two. She’s beginning to grasp right from wrong and able to get her own cup of water from the fridge door. I’ve also gone past the stage of dog owner to parent - and that makes a major difference. Where there was time to discipline and work with a dog pre-kid, the canine has turned wildebeest thanks to a sort of benign neglect (she’s fed and watered by an adult and played with daily by the pre-schooler).
So pushovers don’t stand up straight suddenly. But stand-up people can be pushed over by parenting.
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Tags: bad parenting, Carolyn Hax, dog owners, Jeanne Sager, parenting style, pet care and parenting, pet ownership
3 Comments
GP commented on Nov 05 09 at 3:54 pmHmmmm, I love my kid…mt dog, eh, he’s OK. Big diff for me. I hate pet/children comparisons.
Eric commented on Nov 06 09 at 1:19 amLet me frame this with: I dont’ have kids. I’ve always seen a fair comparison between young kids and dogs. Both don’t/can’t understand why there are rules, but they can understand rules. Both can be encouraged to good behavior through rewards and discouraged from bad behavior through punishment. Both demand enthusiastic praise and consistant (non-angry) discipline. Both need an loving, positive environment to be successful and when possible should be set up to succeed (don’t leave a bowl of ice cream on the floor with a rule not to eat it). The comparisons diminish as kids grow, and I in NO WAY compare the value of a human to that of a dog; but, I can see the similarities. I’m sure I’ll learn a lot as a parent.
Amy commented on Nov 06 09 at 10:00 amEh, I am harsher with my dog than I would be with a child. My children, even the baby, are human beings and their dignity deserves respect. I am kind to my dog, but he does not need to know why the rules are the way they are. We don’t bend rules for the dog, but we do for our kids.
We had the dog first, and I worried that my husband and I would be “mean” parents because we are so strict with the dog…but we’re not!
