They Say: Paternal Grandmas Bad for Boys
Cambridge University researchers recently made a rather bold announcement. They say that according to their recent study, a male grandchild’s risk of mortality actually increases when he’s in the care of his paternal grandmother.
Female grandchildren, on the other hand, seem to fare better when Grandma’s in charge.
It’s all part of the “grandmother theory” that says that women live past menopause so that they can help take care of their children’s children. Men, apparently, live past 50 so they can play golf and watch C-Span.
If I sound weary, it’s because I am. I’m tired of studies that pit boys against girls, women against men, one generation against the next, studies that put us all into neat little boxes and forget how complex life and relationships can be. I can just see some harried mother printing this story out and shaking it in front of her husband, “I told you we shouldn’t have let your mom watch the kids!”
So let’s do a little clarifying: Of the seven populations that Cambridge researchers studies, four lived in the 16th, 17th, and 18th centuries. The two modern populations were from Gambia and Malawi. According to lead researcher Molly Fox, the hypothesis is that a loving grandmother in the home would boost a child’s mortality rate, but a less loving grandmother — or one who plays favorites — would only use up the necessary resources that might have gone to the grandchild instead.
And why does Grandma love her girl grandchildren better? Because they got a bigger chunk of her DNA by hogging all of the X chromosomes.
Now, everyone who knows a grandma who loves her male grandchildren without measure, say along with me:Â HOGWASH.
This study might have some historical implications — maybe in tougher times, DNA and gender did play a bigger role in how grandparents meted out their affection. But in modern society when resources are abundant, relationships have the luxury of being much more fluid. Which means that, yeah, this study may be significant to an academic, but I think it has little value to parents and grandparents of today.
Also, what’s with the discounting grandfathers role as caregiver? I think PawPaw should be offended.
Photo: J.C. Rojas, Flickr
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Tags: extended families, grandchildren, grandmas, grandparents, in laws, infants, mortality rate, playing favorites
17 Comments
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Two-Year-Old Recreates Taylor Swift’s VMA Performance | Strollerderby commented on Nov 21 09 at 8:00 pmPlumbLucky commented on Oct 28 09 at 2:30 pmBut I liked it better before the clarifying! (My MIL is the source of much azz-vice, outdated and now discredited childrearing advice, including some of which was a bad idea 27 years ago. But that’s just me, and I suspect it wouldn’t matter if it was a granddaughter or a grandson.)
M commented on Oct 28 09 at 3:56 pmI’m with plumblucky - my MIL lives with us and is always offering to watch my son, but she’s from the Old Country and believes in very out of date information. She KNOWS how I take care of my son and still does things when she’s watching him that she knows I disagree with. Just yesterday she put 3 jackets on him and put him under a heavy blanket and it was only 60 degrees outside. GDI woman, this isn’t Russia, it’s the American South. I’m surprised the kid even owns 3 jackets. /rant
mumus commented on Oct 28 09 at 5:03 pmThat’s funny, PlumbLucky. My MIL is also a danger to children. She’s full of good intentions but hasn’t an ounce of good sense.
coolteamblt commented on Oct 28 09 at 6:03 pmSame here! My MIL is a PitA and I’m always worried about my son when he’s over there. This is the woman who I almost came to blows with because she was giving my four month old soda and spoonfeeding him relish.
puasamanda commented on Oct 29 09 at 12:41 amRelish?!?! RELISH!?!? Oh My God. I’m so with you guys on this…paternal grandmothers ARE bad for little boys (and maybe little girls), at least at my house. At the very least, my MIL is bad for my sanity. She is a wonderful, warmhearted woman…but she KNOWS she knows better than me, my husband, or any doctor alive. She actually scares me. I actually posted about this on another thread, but let me say again…she looked me in the face and told me about how she was giving my then four-month old, reflux-suffering, lactose-sensitive niece ice cream against the wishes of the parents. THEN she let me know how it made Precious Niece puke her guts out all night. THEN she told me she didn’t care…she would give it to her again at the first opportunity, because the baby “liked it so much while she was eating it.” The same woman wonders why we always accompany our son on visits to her house. We don’t leave him there.
PlumbLucky commented on Oct 29 09 at 10:04 amMy issue wasn’t relish (she thinks that’s gross). It was chocolate cake and glass of Diet Pepsi with my (at that point) ten month old. Um, puasamanda, does your niece’s parents know about this? To me, that is borderline abuse on your MIL’s part.
puasamanda commented on Oct 29 09 at 3:54 pmYeah, my sister-in-law is aware of what happened with her then four-month old baby (niece is now seven months). She has had several heated arguments with her mother about what the baby is to eat…including handing her information about dairy products in babies under one year old. It seems to be (finally!) clicking in with my MIL - but if it isn’t ice cream now, it is sure to be something else. She is the type of person who feeds the dogs as much chocolate as they can eat, the cats tuna from the can (hello, mercury?!?!) in vast quantities, and the babies anything she is eating at the time, regardless of what she is told about risk. When confronted, she breaks down sobbing and gets hysterical about how she is being made to “feel bad” about trying to “spoil” her grandkids, when she is just being “a grandma.” It is battle after battle. My son and I visit her a lot, but she doesn’t care for him…I won’t allow it. My husband thinks I am overreacting, but I am with you on this PlumbLucky…to me, this might not be “abuse,” but it is almost certainly negligent.
yesplease commented on Nov 06 09 at 9:56 amMy MIL is fantastic…but she does live several states away! But I would gladly let her watch my son. We call her the “baby whisperer” because she’s so good with the grandkids. I would actually be more concerned leaving him with my own mother (who’s sweet and well-intentioned but a bit off her rocker).
Tom commented on Nov 14 09 at 7:24 amI hate you laymen. you so aggressively misunderstand science, like this. because you think this study somehow applies to you, you take it personally. science isnt about you. it is barely even about you in general. it is your fucking fault scientists have to invent new language for everything, because if we just use old language, you get all confused and upset.
just go back to watching tv, we’ll let you know when there are some bright colors and explosions for you to pay attention to.
Amanda commented on Nov 16 09 at 11:42 pmI also preferred your article before the clarification. I was about to forward it to my husband and mom, who know of my issues with my in-laws, both MIL and FIL… Sure, they adore the kid, but they are either complacent in the face of our requests about safety, attitudes (telling a 22-month old to ‘man up’ when he falls and cries) and food (wanting to give a then ten month old salmon sashimi and chopped herring) or otherwise downright defiant, with the result I will not leave my son alone in their care. They live in a home that’s a deathtrap; major stairs, balconies that are designed to look chic but are totally hazardous to little people, etc. He completely ignores my requests to keep a close watch on the kid when I, for example, go to the loo or to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. In fact the other evening I discovered my son on the darkened balcony, heading towards the edge, while I’d been in the kitchen (after repeating my usual ‘please keep an eye’) getting a glass of water and he was around the corner (it’s a L-shaped design) tending to the BBQ. He then told me to ‘relax’ when I dared to open my mouth about it. I also caught my son as he was about to tumble down the stairs when he was still only crawling: again, headed to the loo, asked her to keep an eye, and discovered her sitting outside (on the bloody balcony) chatting to a friend on her cellphone. And they wonder why they don’t get any alone time!
JEssica commented on Dec 30 09 at 3:21 pmI don’t why the author of this article is so angry. Statistics help make medicine work, our cars safer, and so many other wonderful things. The article doesn’t say “everyone” it is about understanding the human condition. If we understand it, then maybe we can improve upon it. Why do you want to put your head in the sand?
