Famous OB Sends Dads Out of Delivery Room
One of the world’s best-known experts on obstetrics has announced he thinks Dads need to get out of the delivery room and leave the women to it.
Dr. Michel Odent is a French obstetrician who’s heavily involved in the orgasmic birth and home-birthing movements. Last year, he wrote a piece in the Daily Mail espousing his theories about why dad needs to stay “nearby” for the birth, but stay out of the delivery room.
Now he’s back, with plans to address the Royal College of Midwives in England next month, and he’ll be sharing the same story that got modern women riled last year: bid Daddy goodbye.
So why does he think midwives will listen? He’s appealing to their scientific side. According to an article in The Observer, Odent says fathers are stressed at a delivery, and they’re transferring that stress over to their partners. In turn, that slows the body’s ability to produce oxytocin - the hormone which helps create contractions.
So stressed daddy equals slow, painful labor.
Now allow us to quibble a bit, shall we? Odent seems to be projecting a lot of anxiety onto the male of our species. Is every man in the delivery room wringing his hands and caterwauling? My husband, for one, was the rock who kept me going - and I appreciated that he was really there for me while the doctor and nurses were concentrating on the baby and getting her out of there. Did he ever think that our stress level might be heightened by being alone without the person who means the most to us in the world at this point?
But Odent doesn’t think women need anyone there - be it a husband or a friend. Odent suggests no one be in the room OTHER THAN a midwife, and he’s made a point that midwife must equal female. Likewise, he disturbingly equates the term doctor with male as though that is the only possibility.
But he doesn’t stop there: he also says Dad seeing Mom like that is bad for the relationship - because it ruins the sexual attraction . . . and leads to divorce.
Where to start with this one? A simple fact: he’s selling his sex awfully short here. Four years after the birth of my daughter, my husband doesn’t have nightmares about seeing our daughter crown. Is it a pleasant sight? That depends on how you look at it - it’s not for everyone, sure, but if it freaks you out that much, here’s an extremely simple suggestion: don’t look. My four-year-old manages it when she thinks part of a movie is too scary, so I’m going to bet a grown man could do the same.
Odent’s suporters come from surprising places: the Observer quotes the National Childbirth Trust’s representative, who thinks the relatively new cultural norm of father-in-delivery room puts too much pressure on Dad to feel like he must be there. Says Mary Newburn: “There’s such a feeling among women that ‘you got me into this, I have carried the baby for nine months and now I have to go through labour and birth, so the least you can do is be with me, and if you feel a bit squeamish, then tough’.”
I’d say she’s spot on with that one. Which isn’t to say I think that’s a bad thing. As a female, I didn’t have a choice over whether I spent those nine months like that, whether I had the contractions, the delivery . . . and yet we were creating this child together. It wasn’t a punishment to ask my husband to be in the room, it was part of sharing something we’d done together in the only way possible. He couldn’t physically deliver our daughter, but he could be there to hold my leg up, feed me ice chips and get a glimpse of our family’s history in the making. He didn’t owe it to me - he owed it to the child he helped make.
I do have to wonder - if you don’t think you can handle the whole icky squicky birth thing, what are you doing getting someone pregnant?
Image:BabyandPregnancy.co.uk
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Tags: delivery room, doctor, fatherhood, homebirth, Jeanne Sager, labor, labor and delivery, maternity ward, Michel Odent, midwife, OB/GYN, orgasmic birth
19 Comments
Laure68 commented on Oct 19 09 at 5:56 pm“He’s appealing to their scientific side.” I’m not exactly sure what it is he is saying that is so scientific. Did he actually measure oxytocin levels in birthing women with and without their husbands there?
I almost hate to say this, but I am not surprised he is French. My family is French and I lived there for a while. There is so much around how a woman acts and looks to be sexy for a man. Nudity is no problem, but breastfeeding in public is. I would like to think that his ideas are not applicable to our culture here.
Amy Tuteur, MD commented on Oct 19 09 at 9:48 pmAs usual, Dr. Odent present zero evidence for his views. Furthermore, they appear to represent the oldest stereotypes about men and women:
Men can’t and shouldn’t participate in “women’s work”.
Men’s sexual needs and desires are most important. A woman should hide during some of the most important moments of her life, because the possibility that her husband will find her distasteful is more important than the emotional support she might get.
Men are so stupid and immature that they cannot possibly be sexually attracted to a woman who yelled, screamed, bled and leaked fluid during labor.
Michel Odent fabricates his theories about childbirth out of thin air. In this case, as in the case of his offensive claims about childbirth and bonding, he announced a brand new scientific theory without any research and without any evidence. He seemed to think that it was enough that the theory made sense to him and confirmed his personal preferences.
It is easy for people to understand that Odent’s “theory” of fathers at birth is nothing more than a projection of his own anxieties and prejudices. It is important for people to understand that his “theories” of natural childbirth, waterbirth, and bonding are also nothing more than projections of his own anxieties and prejudices.
Giant Panda commented on Oct 20 09 at 12:14 amAmy Tuteur you said it!!
Eric commented on Oct 20 09 at 12:55 amI’ve always found it odd how many people say that the father ‘must’ be in the delivery room, or ‘must not’ be in the delivery room. Everybody’s got an opinion. Seems to me people should find what they’re comfortable with themselves.
PlumbLucky commented on Oct 20 09 at 7:40 amDr. Tuteur, you rock!
Like Eric said…seems to me it should be something discussed prior to conception even.
TMC commented on Oct 20 09 at 12:02 pmI’m with Eric on this one- I completely understand all of the women who want their husbands and partners there for such a momentous occasion- but I don’t want my husband there. It is probably just my upbringing- raised by three generations of women in the same house with no men- but it is an experience that he doesn’t have a personal need to be there for, though I understand some men would feel differently. I would be more comfortable for it to be a completely feminine experience with women who have gone through birth before. There’s my opinion, lol.
snarky mama commented on Oct 20 09 at 12:16 pmMy husband was there for delivery, all 3 times. And all three times, he was very clear about not wanting to help deliver the baby. He was cool with getting ice chips for me, or whatnot, but he wanted nothing to do with “catching” the baby or cutting the cord. I’m fairly certain he avoided the “business end” for all three deliveries. He is just that kind of squeamish guy.
Guinevere commented on Oct 20 09 at 1:46 pmPersonally I think he has a point. I have various male friends who told me that watching their wife give birth put them off sex, not that they admitted that to their wives; & female friends who told me their partners didn’t touch them afterwards.
There’s a lot of pressure for men to be present.
But as men haven’t given birth themselves - while they bring love & loyalty they have no experience.
I had my sister with me at my births as she had had 3 children herself.
She was immensely competent & calm & when she gave me advice I knew she knew exactly what she was talking about. It’s very soothing to have someone who’s been through it themselves. I have no doubt her present me enormously.Plus I clearly managed to preserve the ‘mystery’ as my husband couldn’t wait to have sex afterwards.
jeannesager commented on Oct 20 09 at 1:53 pmGuinevere - the thing is, Dr. Odent would kick your sister out of the room as well.
Rosana commented on Oct 20 09 at 2:41 pmMaybe he can take his own advice when it comes time for HIM to give birth to his children. In my case, I thought my husband would be one of those who passed out at our son’s birth but he was amazing. He will only come to my bed at the right time and when it was time to push, he was the best coach I could have asked for (even without taking any birthing classes). He helped me concentrate and made labor a little easier for me. The hell with this doctor.
Rosana commented on Oct 20 09 at 2:47 pmHA!! Good point jeannesager. On the other hand if the birth of their child put them off sex maybe those men need to deal with some other issue is really disturbing them since that is not always the case. As I wrote before, my husband was there all the way for me in the delivery room and I am pregnant with my second baby, so some how sex is still there
GP commented on Oct 20 09 at 4:19 pmHave a home birth and do what the hell you want. Any man who is grossed out by birth and doesn’t want to have sex with his wife after is a pussy and need to grow up. My goofy husband is always bugging me for sex. Still…
ChiLaura commented on Oct 20 09 at 11:08 pmWho cares if the man is grossed out by watching the actual birth? Jeez, *I* can’t stand to look at pictures of women giving birth, even as I’m preparing to do it for the third time. Or, if I do look at any for longer than half a second, it’s with a disgusted fascination. Hubby saw the first crowning and cut the cord and was mildly traumatized (using that word lightly) by both. I don’t expect him to do either ever again; he just needs to hold my hand. Some of you ladies need to lighten up on the men!
I do like having my husband in the delivery room, but I do think that if I lived near family, or had a homebirth, I wouldn’t care so much if it were him or another trusted advocate. Yes, I want my husband there because it’s his kid, and I need his hand to squeeze, but I also want him there just because I have some distrust of hospitals and nurses. If he were a nervous wreck, though, I’d want him OUT, regardless of the fact that he provided the sperm.
Eric commented on Oct 21 09 at 2:03 amI can see how a lot of men might be ‘grossed out’ by the birth process. It is an utterly visceral experience. I’ve never seen a birth live, but I will be in the delivery room for my wife when the time comes. I think we live in an extemely sanitized culture, with lots of germaphobes. If a guy feels the need to use hand sanitizer after every time he touches a doorknob, he probably doesn’t want to see his wife covered with blood and excrement. As for me, I find myself covered in excrement often enough that I doubt I’d mind seeing this. If you want to see what a bad day looks like for me, search for ‘bovine uterus prolapse.’
Rosana commented on Oct 21 09 at 9:21 amCovered with blood and excrement? I think you are talking about a very particular birth because I did not have that experience in the delivery room. On the other hand, I do not think the birth of a child is gross in any way, I can see it could be a little traumatizing but never gross. As I wrote before, my husband was awesome in the delivery room, he even cut the cord and will do it again in January and we still have sex. Again, I think that the no sex thing afterwards has more to do with other underlying issues than with the labor experience.
Huh? commented on Oct 21 09 at 3:02 pm“Covered with blood and excrement? I think you are talking about a very particular birth because I did not have that experience in the delivery room.”
Hahahahaha…a..hahahahah! Please. Pushing is pushing, and EVERYTHING comes out, lady. Whether you saw it or not.
PlumbLucky commented on Oct 22 09 at 7:56 amI think Eric may be a large animal vet ;-). And I have to agree with Huh?, chances are decent that some, um, excretement may have appeared in any given birth.
Eric commented on Oct 23 09 at 1:05 amNot a vet (but my wife is). I’m just a humble cow poke.
Louise commented on Oct 23 09 at 11:52 amLoved this…
“If you want to see what a bad day looks like for me, search for ‘bovine uterus prolapse.’”
My third is due in four weeks, and my husband was present and just plain wonderful for both. Not at all squeamish (probably less so than I was, given that he watched it happen and I turned down the “mirror option,” thinking that what is seen cannot be unseen…and I can more-or-less imagine how it looks without detail), supportive, all that–I can’t imagine him not being there. But, you know, it takes all kinds…if someone is really uncomfortable being there, I’d understand that, too. My labors were relatively short and uncomplicated…he was clearly concerned for me, and I think it was difficult for him to watch me in pain, but it could have been much worse, and I can understand not wanting to go through that.
For my part, while I want my husband there, I cannot even begin to imagine having others (family members, friends, etc.) there. That’s the single most astonishing thing to me about “Baby Story” on TLC…some have both sets of grandparents, siblings of the parents, etc. Again, not for me, but if that’s what’s going to make you more comfortable, have at it.
