babble » blogs » Strollerderby
Strollerderby
Are You a Best-Friend Mom?
Most moms I know try to picture their daughters as teenagers. But have you ever tried to picture yourself when your daughters are teenagers? What kind of mom do you think you’ll be? Supportive? Permissive? A best friend?
A new article at Forbes asks moms to take a closer look at their parenting style to see if they’ve crossed the line from authority figure to sister figure.
Take Dina and Lindsay Lohan, for example. The have the same clothes, the same hair, and the same social life. And while it may give moms a false sense of security to know they’re their daughters’ closest confidant, some experts think that “best friend moms” leave their daughters without an authority figure.
“If you act like a pal, your kids don’t know who to trust,” family therapist Kathy Nickerson tells Forbes. “They want to know that you are the parent and are there to protect them.”
The experts and parents who talked to Forbes say that they believe there are a few reasons for this trend:
- Parents are more affectionate than ever and less likely to discipline.
- More kids go to college, giving young adults and “extended adolescence.”
- an increasing emphasis on celebrity culture
- Moms are stressed, and this is the “easy” way out.
Out to dinner last weekend, my husband and I saw four high school kids sitting at a table, dressed to the nines for homecoming. In a fifth seat sat one of the girls’ mothers, also dressed in a cocktail gown. The kids were young enough to need a ride, but … come on. Run some errands or at least get your own table.
I think that extreme “best friend” moms simply lack confidence. They want their daughters’ approval, but are afraid that the old way of getting respect — giving support and setting boundaries — will make them the bad guy.
My hope is that when my girls are older, we’ll share a relationship like the one I share with my own mom: Supportive, close, and loving — but they’ll never have to worry about me dressing up to double date with them.
What about you? Do you think being a “best friend mom” is a problem?
Photo: centralasian, Flickr
Go Back To Strollerderby
0 Comments
Elaine commented on Oct 07 09 at 5:04 pmLast spring our neighbor, who could certainly be described as a helicopter or best friend type of parent, came over and we asked if his daughter had a good time at her prom. As we listened to his description it became evident that he was describing this event firsthand, and my husband and I blurted out at the same time, “YOU were at the PROM???” He looked at us as if we were the ones who were crazy, and told us of course he was, all the parents were at the prom (this is a small school). A few months later the same thing happened when he was telling us about his daughter’s experiences on sorority bid day, and again my husband and I responded in unison, “YOU were at bid day???” His daughter is a lovely, smart, seemingly well-adjusted young woman, and I think she will do fine in life even with all the hovering. But I look back at my prom and bid day with pride as some of my first adult experiences, shared with other young adults, rather than my parents. To me it’s not just overprotecting kids but cheating them of some special teenage/young adult memories that belong just to them. Our job as parents is to prepare our children to go out into the world and be productive…without us.
Diane commented on Oct 07 09 at 10:04 pmI have plenty of good friends and my daughter is not one of them. I love spending time with her and I like to think she also enjoys it also, but I think she would say the same thing about me. I don’t think I would be as good a role model if we were buddies.
desirerich commented on Oct 08 09 at 7:46 amI want my children to grow up and want to get out of my house. I adore them, but I want them to desire independence and self-reliance. I always loved my mother and now that we are adults we are friends, but as a teenager she was the rule-maker and I was the pain-in-the-ass teenager. I think that’s how it should be.
importancespeaking commented on Oct 08 09 at 7:56 amMothers can be a good friend, but must also be strict as a parent..That’s what should happen.
Rosana commented on Oct 08 09 at 9:29 amI think the problem would be the patronizing and manipulative best friends moms, like the best friend that will never tell you when you are wrong or stops speaking to you when she does not get her way. I always picked out my friends carefully and never had drama with them, they will tell me flat out when I was wrong and help me trought bad times. That is the kind of mother I want to be to my kids. However, I will not go to proms or anything like that because I discover (thru having my kid in daycare) that I like him having his own life outside the house but always loving to come back home.
Add your take:
Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions,
but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
Joslyn Gray 
Amber Doty 
Julianna Miner 
Monica Bielanko 
Sierra Black 
Meredith Carroll 
Carolyn Castiglia 
Sunny Chanel 
Madeline Holler 
Wendy Michaels 
Rebecca Odes 
Danielle Smith 
Danielle Sullivan 
Katherine Stone 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
0