[...] They Say: For Better Sleep, Toughen Up! [...]

I’m a wimpy soother, and I’ll stay that way. My kids do wake up a lot at night, and I am tired and cranky. Still, I can’t ignore them when they call me at night.

Can I claim the moderate path? My 6 month old is now happy happily napping for at least 90 minutes twice a day and sleeping at night from 7 to 7. To get her to this point I had to break the breastfeeding to sleep, rocking back to sleep patterns we inadvertently picked up on a month long holiday to my parent’s. It only took several nights to stop the association and during those nights when she cried I sat by her and patted her, just not ever lifting her up out of her cot, but letting her eventually drifting off to sleep on her own.

I absolutely think that we have an easy baby and that makes a big difference. She only cried for maximum 40 minutes and only did that a couple of times. If she found it harder I don’t honestly know how or if I could have persevered… But she seems to thrive on the routine we now have.

But I do believe that as parents we set the expectations, and I do expect my baby to sleep in her bed and for my partner and I to sleep through the night in ours…

That’s what works for us.

I did both, soother and then CIOer. I realized she was waking and crying for no other reason than to be sitting in our bed in the middle of the night with the tv on. So I let her cry for awhile and now she sleeps 11 hours a night and only crys when there is something really wrong, like she does not feel well, or she is really wet. Now if her grandmothers were there and I put her down for a nap and she cried, they had to go outside. They could not take it. I think every parent and every kid is different.

Oh man. wimpy wimpy. Though my excuse was that the second was waking up the first (yes, across the house, she is LOUD) and causing chaos in the household. Now I have a 2.5 year old who (finally) mostly sleeps through the night and an 11 month old who sleeps in our bed and wakes up every two hours to eat. I can’t wait for her to go to college… but she is darn cute.

I dunno. I think the personality of the child might possibly influence how it is parented. The only way I can see of really testing this is giving the same kid to one set of parents and then another, for example, and seeing what happens. Otherwise, it’s all a chicken and egg thing.

I couldn’t read the article, but I’d be interested in reading the study…how could they tell whether the babies of the parents who comforted weren’t actually fussier? I’ve had friends who went with cry it out because they had kids who would sleep after crying for only a minute or so, and they sort of inadvertently discovered that when they couldn’t get there right away. My son, however, would cry for over an hour if I let him as a baby. Oh, and despite my “wimpiness”, by 12 months he was sleeping 11 hours straight through most nights with a consistent 3 hour nap in the afternoon. So my comforting him couldn’t have done too much harm.

Absolute, unconditional soother and comforter for the first 6 months or so, complete with many middle of the night nursings, co-sleeping and soothing of every kind necessary.

Then, hard-line CIO’er who insists on instilling good nighttime sleep and nap habits to avoid ending up with a three-year old who still doesn’t sleep through the night. Ferber is a genius. Read his book cover to cover to learn everything you ever wanted to know about human sleep cycles in general (including for adults and older children) and then apply his methods and you’ll wonder why it took you so long to do it his way.

Marj, I’m a CIO-er, but I would never have started that at 5 weeks! Whatever you ultimately choose, you’re dead right that newborns like that need their mama! =)

I’m surprised at all the softies on here. Are there no other CIO-ers, or does no one want to admit it? Both kids hit 15+ pounds around 4-5 months, and a variety of signals showed that they were only waking to nurse at 3 a.m. out of habit. We either soothed them once and then let them cry, or gradually weaned the nursing time period. Our major issue was with my elder son, who at 6 mos would lose his paci a few times a night, be unable to find it, and would just cry, waiting for us to get it for him. It drove us crazy. We let him cry: night 1, 3 hours (ugh!); night 2, 40 min; night 3, 10 minutes, and then he was done. I DO think that we have good sleepers somewhat “naturally,” but I also think that “sleep-training” is an accurate term for what we’ve practiced. I just know that I’d be crazy by now if I were still getting up with my boys (now 3 and almost 2), or if I had to after about 6 months old.

I am so sorry but I chose happily to leave a flourishing career to stay home because I valued being a parent and wanted to be one full time the most crucial time of my duaghters life…infancy and toddlerhood. NO I DID NOT LET HER CRY IT OUT. I am not privy to any articles and medical knowledge or statistics of what is good for her…I guess i just used my instincts. I heard her cry and I took her in my arms and fed her or just held her until she calmed down and fell asleep. Did I have a rough months even first year DAMN RIGHT I DID! But my thoughts on that are not relevant to what is medically sound to do it was more abut principal. I left work to be a mom and I want going to give it my all no matter what time or day or night it is. If it meant I woke up every two hours for the first 6 months which she did…then I was up with her holding her and consoling her and the first year I did bring her into our bed at night and until she was about three she did have disturbed sleep and I would lay in bed in her room….and she is almost 4 and has been sleeping all night but if she wasnt then I will still be that mom who consoles her daughter. I discipline her when she gets out of line, I teach her what is right and worng but I wont withhold attention or affection for any reason no matter how bad she has been. This is not appropriete in my mind. And I am not alone in thinking that as http://www.truuconfessions.com stands testament to other parents who sae the same thing.

First one co-slept for the 1st 2 years. He has pretty much always slept about 12-14 hours a day (nighttime/nap in some combo). Now he’s 7 and sleeps about 10-11 hours a night.

Second one hated co-sleeping during his first year, but loved it during year 2. He was a crappy sleeper until he was 3, whether CIO or co-sleeping. Now he’s almost 5 and sleeps 10-11 hours a night.

The third started out co-sleeping, but we learned he really likes his crib, too. He’s only 16 months now, but started sleeping through the night around 7 months–but only in his crib. He never cries when I put him down. The last 3 months though, he’s been getting molars. I’m lazy and just pull him into my bed if he wakes up in the middle of the night. He sleeps about 14 hours a day, including naps.

My point being, as we all know, different things work for different kids.

My eldest would not achieve REM sleep if she was being touched. She found the contact over stimulating and would cry herself to sleep if held (the process took hours) and would cry herself to sleep if alone in her crib (asleep in less than 10 minutes). We chose the latter starting at about 2 months and she would sleep 8 hours at a stretch.

The second one developed along a similar path.

To other readers who are advocates of soothing and are anti-CIO, you’d probably find more converts to your cause if you STOPPED COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME ABOUT BEING TIRED. If you have chosen to pander to your child’s every whimper and want to be sleep deprived, so be it. But no one thinks it’s very interesting. No one thinks your noble. We think you are BORING.

The only thing MORE boring? Co-sleeping devotees who complain when their 7 and 8 year olds crawl into the former-family bed. You made your King-sized bed now lie in it.

Ferber. Give it two weeks when their 3 months old and stop being DULL.

yes, this is true, the children who are not comforted at night wake less, because eventually, they realize that their needs aren’t going to be met anyway, so they don’t waste their energy on crying. My son is almost 2 years old, and I run to him EVERY TIME HE CRIES, because that is my job as a parent. Parenting doesn’t end at bedtime, it is 24 hours a day. Get over it, and do your job!
As for people who have 3 month old babies sleeping through the night: Where exactly did you find out that this is supposed to happen??????? Infants do not have the stomach capacity to go all night without eating. Period. They need to eat constantly, even a 3 months, even at 6 months, even at 1 year old. I don’t expect my 2 year old to sleep though the night because I don’t even do that. I have to get up at least twice to get water and use the bathroom. I would never expect my child to not need anything during the night.
I guess I am a super wimpy mother, and damn proud of it! Were still cosleeping, and will be adding another one to the family bed in January!!

CommentsI truly believe in individuality especially with first-time parents. I know research states this and that but I also know that the baby themselves has a lot to do with whether they are going to be a cryer or not. If they have colic or not, if they are experiencing craniosacral issues or if the parents just are not clued in with regards to their baby’s patterns. Keep up the great posts I am enjoying them.

I’m in the wimpy soother camp. I actually get more sleep this way, as it’s easier to roll over and comfort Zak and get back to sleep than listen to him wail while trying to sleep.

Don’t be too hard on yourself soothing moms. I have a 20 month old that i would soothe up until about a week ago. he was still waking every 2-3 hours at 19 months. One night I had rocked him for 2 HOURS and he woke up when I put him down. I had to leave the room while he cried for about 10 min because i was so frustrated and then he ended up crawled out of the crib. That’s when I decided to let him cry it out, but I had to be fully committed. The next day i explained to him what would happen when he went to sleep so he would know what to expect. I followed his normal bedtime routine, but put him down still awake. I let him cry 2 min at first, went in, picked him up and reassured him, then put him back down, even though he started crying when i left and then waited 5 min. and did the same. i waited 10, and then at 15 minutes he fell asleep!!! you do the same for every subsequent waking and naps. he now sleeps 12-13 hours straight and takes a 2 hour nap. I was so sure he would be one of those babies you hear about that cries and cries for hours that i waited far too long. but you never know until you try, just be sure to have a plan and be consistent!!!

I can believe the whole “it’s decided before they are born” theory, since all 3 of my children slept 8 hours straight before they were three months. And I didn’t do anything to achieve this. Other than not waking them of course. I never ran to a whimpering child because that would have woken him; letting him stay in his cozy dark room worked much better for him to go back to sleep than barging in on him and scooping him up. However, a friend of mine whose children are close in age to mine, cannot get her 1.5 year old to sleep more than 4 hour stretches. It took her oldest a few years to do that too. And we have very similar parenting styles. So it could just be genetics?