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They Say: Daycare Makes Friends for Mom
Stop hanging your daycare-loving head in shame, Mom. A new study says what’s good for our sanity (and our paychecks) is also good for our circle of friends.
Researchers at the University of Chicago found that moms who put their kids in daycare were likely to have at least one more “good friend” than moms going it alone.
I’m going to admit I’m a teensy bit surprised by this one.
On the surface, it makes sense – where there are kids, there are parents, and where there are parents running into one another, friendships are struck up (the study’s author says specifically that centers with specific drop off and pick-up times help to facilitate meetings, and thus friendships). But having switched just this summer to being a completely work-at-home mother after four years of sending my daughter to daycare part-time, I’ve encountered my first real taste of the at home mom friendship ring.
They all know each other. And they all spend time together.
Able to take my daughter to her daily swimming lessons for the month of July, I was encountering mostly at home moms – the only other people with the ability to spend a summer doing daily trips to the pool (besides the teachers, off for the summer, who were likewise there with their kids).
I’m aware that being an at-home parent is not all baking cookies and throwing playdates. But in my small town, it’s the at-home moms who seem to have the stronger connections – in part because they meet at the daytime story hours, music classes, etc. that their kids take part in . . . and the rest of us simply can’t get our kids to.
Working full-time, I saw more friendships slip away because I don’t have the energy at the end of the day for a phone call after dinner, bath, etc. . . and I want my weekends for hanging with my husband and daughter. The relationship I once shared with my closest stay-at-home mom friend crumbled when she too went back to work and neither of us had the time for stroller walks on a weekday while our husbands were at work or playdates at the park.
Working parents, do you meet friends at daycare? Stay-at-homes, where do you pick up your bestest buddies?
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[...] events. Which ties into a study from the University of Chicago last fall – researchers there found mothers who put their kids in daycare made more friends because they had an opportunity to run into other mothers and strike up a [...]
They Say: Moms Have Better Social Lives | Strollerderby commented on Jan 08 10 at 10:32 amRosana commented on Sep 02 09 at 2:50 pmI honestly do not have any friends here. I left all my friends (whom I still communicate with) in Puerto Rico, eigth years ago. My son has a best friend at daycare and he is adorable, and three months younger than him. I love that his has a friend being that young (22 months old) and I have met the mom and other friendly moms but I do not feel the need to be friends with them. I am very picky about my friends, since I only like true friendships, so I guess that is why I have no friends at my son’s daycare. I need to spend more time with them to really find out if I like them as friends and casual talk here and there does not give me that much information.
ChiLaura commented on Sep 02 09 at 5:01 pmI think that this makes sense. Like Rosana, I guess that I’m also very picky about my friendships, as well as being a bit shy. Plus, in the area where I live, most of the caretakers at our local park are either nannies, or immigrant moms (which is not a slight against immigrants, but a recognition of the fact that language and culture are central to our identities and differences can be impediments to friendships), or moms who have 10 years and a million bucks on me. I do think that if my kids went to daycare, it might be easier to strike up a conversation with another mom because we’re in an enclosed space, waiting, and we might see our kids interact, which might cause us to interact. In the past few days I’ve been struck by how lonely I am, as a SAHM whose close friends have all moved away and who lives far away from family.
Bradi Nathan commented on Sep 02 09 at 10:27 pmI actually own a mommy and me business that I’ve been running for 9 years. Just last week I was approached by a woman, in a restaurant, who had taken my class 4 years ago with her son. She told me that she had met the most wonderful moms in the class who had since become dear friends to her and wanted to thank me. Moms need adult interaction and stimulation… that’s why I created the class in the first place. I am responsible for hundreds of new friendships and I can’t express how rewarding that is! Brad, Co-Founder, MyWorkButterfly.com
Melissa commented on Sep 03 09 at 6:57 amI find it very hard to meet other moms at the daycare in the short period of time that you are there to pick up and drop off. I have made all my friends at work where I spend all of my time with adults that I have a lot in common with. No, we don’t take our kids to the pool, we go out to lunch. If we go out in the evening, my husband is perfectly capable to bath and bed duty. I have a weekly girls’ night where I meet my oldest girlfriends to have a drink and talk. It is much easier to stick to a routine for going out the same day every week or month because you and your partner can plan around it.
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