Not really. I always wanted kids, and it’s hard for me to imagine my life without them, but honestly it’s almost easier to explain why one would *not* want them. I mean, they’re expensive, they’re loud, they’re tons of work, and they may grow up to hate you. The benefits are almost all intangible, and if someone else decides to create other kinds of relationships or experience other kinds of joy instead of getting what I get out of my relationship with my kids, well, that doesn’t make them weird, that just makes them not-me.

I think mothers in general are very judgemental about almost everything. I don’t know if it’s just a carryover from constantly watching your children and trying to bring them up the way they think they should be brought up or what. Obviously this is a huge generalization but mother’s seem to judge a lot re: SAHM vs working moms; how people keep house; how people discipline their children etc… It seems like mom’s seem to think they’re doing it right and anyone who deviates from that standard is doing it in a way that could be better with a little instruction/criticism. Not true 100% of the time, but definitely more than 70% of the time.

I honestly could not care less. Kids are tough, and they are a huge commitment, so I can see why you might decide not to have them. Not everyone has to do everything. However, I do hate it when people without kids assume I’m judging them and decide to judge me first. Existing in the world means occasionally dealing with kids, and having kids does not mean giving up the option of morning coffee/farmers markets/clothing from stores other than target.

I think a lot of my wondering is due to the fact that I know LOTS of women who “could not” (loosely defined depending on their era) have children and live with a bit of wistfulness every day. Regret fascinates me (my own included.) Sounds voyeuristic, I suppose.

No, I don’t. I’ve always loved kids, was a camp counselor, etc. It was an obvious choice for me to have kids. But I don’t assume that everyone would want to make the same choices. My kids have two aunts that don’t want kids and they are fantastically wonderful aunts. They have a very special place in my childrens’ hearts, and I know things would be quite different if their aunts had kids of their own. People want different things out of life–that’s what makes things interesting!

Some people just prefer not to have kids, and that’s fine. I don’t care if it’s because of health reasons, financial reasons, or because they just don’t like kids. This world takes all kinds, and we’re all doing the right thing when we follow our hearts.

I’ve heard men and women get judged pretty harshly for not having kids after being married a while. I remember a guy friend being asked, at work no less, “Hey man… shooting blanks?” And upon the pregnancy news of another couple who had waited several years before trying, another guy at work wondered aloud if they had to utilize fertility treatments. My husband and I waited until we were married 8 years before trying to conceive… I can only imagine what was said about us.

I might wonder, but I’d never ask. And I don’t judge anyone based on whetehr or not they have kids–that is just silly.

I would never ask a casual acquaintance or a stranger about kids — I think that Brett’s “110% rule” is a great rule to live by! All of our friends without kids don’t have kids because they’re having fertility issues, and I would never risk raising such a topic with someone I don’t know anything about.

That said, yes, I suppose that I do wonder why people don’t have kids and perhaps I do judge them, but only to a certain extent. It’s so obvious from the comments above that the prevailing view about kids is that they are just one of many choices that one makes in life. Because of birth control, children aren’t taken on their own terms, i.e. the natural product of sexual relations. The attitude today is that “nothing should be demanded of me that I don’t want to be asked of me,” and kids, sadly, fall under this view. I think that this mindset is screwed up, but I also recognize that it’s just the way things are today. I’d rather that people who don’t want kids don’t have them, though I do think that kids can (though they don’t always) fundamentally alter one’s attitudes for the better. And for however much I may be judging people (though, as I said, while I have an opinion about this, I recognize that this is just how things are today), I feel that others judge me for being a “breeder.” And again, I fully recognize that people may have tried to have kids and simply couldn’t. Re: selfishness, I’m speaking more to a general cultural attitude than to anyone in particular. (Though so many childless people sound like nothing more than overgrown 8 year olds running around: “But I’m having so much fun!”)