What Do You Teach Your Kids about the Police?

I would suggest that young kids still need to be taught the ‘officer friendly’ approach. There enough very real dangers for kids that could warrant the intervention of a police officer to make valuable the installation of such a trust. In time, they will see examples of police officers doing things wrong and question their complete trust. Then you can give them a more complete picture. There are bad cops in every community. Just like there are bad doctors, auto mechanics, factory workers, accountants, and graphic designers in every community. Once kids are old enough, they should understand that police officers are just as human as you and I; and thus capable of a variety of all too human failings.

I will likely bring up my biracial son the “officer friendly” approach until around the age of 8 or 10. Then he will have to learn the “respect beyond that you would give to any other adult” approach and as he grows into his teens “the move very carefully and deliberately, while verbalizing exactly what you are doing” approach. It’s the approach black families teach to their kids so they don’t end up dead because they were digging for their license and the cop thought they were going for a gun. Don’t be a victim of “contempt of cop” or “pissing off police.” Shannon, you are going to have to teach your daughters that to some extent, they are “born suspect.” When I was thrown out of a drugstore and told never to return, because a white friend I was with stole candy. She wasn’t told never to return, *I* was. When I was pregnant two years ago, I was stopped for an expired registration on my car and fearfully noted in my rear mirror, a second cop creeping up on the passenger side of my car with his gun drawn. I was alone in the car. It’s going to happen. Not as often, because you have girls, but it’s going to happen.

I’m a white mother of a white daughter, so it’s harder for me to put myself in your shoes. But I have found that as is the attitude of a town, so go the police. As in - where there are racial tensions in a town, there are racial issues with the police force and their use of excessive force.
True - there are bad cops everywhere, but living in a rural northern town, I’ve found the greater number are good cops who inject a sense of humanity into what the do.
With relatives and friends in the police force, I admit I’m biased, but I’ll be teaching my daughter to respect the police . . . unless she notices them doing something wrong. In that case, I want her to understand it’s not just her right to speak up but her duty.

Comments

Huh. My white brother did — as far as I can tell — the exact same thing as Prof. Gates did, and was arrested, not unreasonably. Cops were called by a busybody neighbor when my brother jimmied the door on my house, my brother made some dumbass comment when the cops asked for his id to see if his address matched the home address. It was along the lines of how he still had “some” rights left, and yes, a “mama” jab just like prof. Gates used. Police tolerate lots of disrespect because of the “bad apples”, and if either my brother or prof. Gates had followed up their comments by just showing proper id which listed address (prof. Gates showed his Harvard id, which doesn’t list his home address), neither one would have been arrested

What I teach my children, who are biracial, is this– If you are polite and respectful to police, they are your friends. In my community, the majority is Hispanic, and the police seem to have roughly the same racial makeup as the community, so maybe race isn’t that big of an issue. Of course, the two cops who responded to Gates’s neighbor’s call were one white, one black, so who knows.

Dianna,
Gates did show an id with an address, in ADDITION to his Harvard id.

Lisa, the reason we have to teach our kids to be wary of the police is because actual statistics bear out the fact that Black people–especially men are disproportionately targeted by police. Statistics don’t bear out that incidences like the one that befell your mother are common.

I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s experience, but it is an unusual case. Innocent Black men being harassed by the police is sadly, all too common.

Lisa, the cop’s report stated that he received sufficient identification. Gates’ error was to loudly demand the cop’s identification… which Massachusetts LAW says that must be provided upon a citizen’s lawful request. The remainder of your comments are you talking out Rush’s ass again, so they will be ignored.

Shannon,

Interesting article and I appreciate your perspective. I was thrown, though, by your capitalization of ‘Black’ and then the non-capitalization of ‘white’. Could you elaborate more on your choice to do that? While I can think of a few reasons that one would write ‘Black’ - to me it subtly widens the racial divide and gives the impression of “us versus them”.

Also, I really enjoyed this article regarding the Dr. Gates situation:

http://thisweekinblackness.com/2009/07/23/notes-from-a-phantom-negro-skip-gatesplease-sit-down/

Shannon,

It’s from the FBI’s statistics. Not mine.

There is a link in the article to the statistics I am talking about. I am not making them up. If more Black men are arrested for violent crimes, Lisa, that doesn’t mean more of them are committing violent crimes. Here’s a quote from the link:

“The study reports that African-American and Hispanic drivers who are stopped by police are more than twice as likely as whites to be subjected to a search. Specifically, police searched only 3.6 percent of white drivers pulled over in a traffic stop, while they searched 9.5 percent of African-Americans who obeyed the flashing lights and 8.8 percent of Hispanics.”

Really, what are cops supposed to do if they get a call that a home appears to be in the process of being broken into? Of course they should ask for ID and they deserve to be respected while they do their job, just like anyone else. If anyone “racially profiled” Prof. Gates it was the neighbor who called. It’s a shame when people don’t know their neighbors.

Statistics

In 2001, 1 in 6 (16.7%) black men had served time. 1 in 39 (2.6%) white men had served time. Any random black man is 6.5 times more likely to be a criminal than a white man. Based on current rates of first incarceration, an estimated 32% of black males will enter State or Federal prison during their lifetime, compared to 17% of Hispanic males and 5.9% of white males. (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/crimoff.htm#prevalence)

I did misspeak slightly. The 50.4% represents the percentage of arrests for Murder and nonnegligent manslaughter in 2007 that were black. BTW, 56.7% of arrests (http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/cius2007/data/table_43.html)for robery were black. I also note that the only crimes for which blacks are not over arrested are DUI, liquior laws and drunkenness.

Not over arrested.. over represented. I need to go to bed.

My kids are both black boys, now only 4 and 6 years old. For the time being I tell them, “If you are lost but you are safe, STAY WHERE YOU ARE, and I will always come back for you if we get separated. If you are hurt, yell for help and someone will help you. (I’m trusting that someone will, but maybe that’s a different topic.) If you are not hurt but you need help right away, find someone who is wearing a uniform or a name tag and ask politely for help.” We’ve talked about identifying someone in authority (customer service counter, police or police car, employee, etc and we’re barely getting to the “stranger danger” type of discussion. It’s scary enough to imagine needing help if I or my partner isn’t there. For my kids right now it would be too much to think that an adult in authority might hurt them on purpose. I know that showing my kids how to respond to authority is a something that we focus on much more (and much younger) than my parents did for me. And it’s not just when they’re old enough to be driving or out by themselves. Even before I had kids I remember reading that black males start to statistically significantly separate from their white peers at about age 12 regarding school disipline. For example, black boys are more likely to be suspended than white boys for the same infraction. I’m not writing very well, here, but I hope you can understand what I’m saying… It’s not “just” a race issue, it’s a basic safety issue. And it’s not just black adult men who are affected. Thanks, Shannon. I appreciate these discussions because teaching my kids safety strategies is important, and I’m not sure exactly how to do it and hearing from others is helpful.
(Unrelated side note to stollerderby– Could you please make the commenting field bigger? It’s hard to write a comment when I can only see two lines at a time.)

Mayhem Mama:
I hear you on what to tell your kids to do if they’re lost. I’ve been telling mine to find a mom with kids and ask her to find me/other parent. We bought the temporary tattoos with my cell phone number and we’ve used them once, in which case I told Nat to show the theoretical mom with kids her tattoo. I’ve also been teaching her to say “my mom is white” since she could talk, so if someone’s looking, they won’t walk right past us!

Shannon,

let’s return to my first question which NO ONE has answered. Why is it acceptable to stereotype about cops but not black people? There are statistics to support both positions.

Finally.

Being a police officer is a job. Teaching your children how to interact with them is like teaching your children to ask the nice lady at McDonalds for chicken nuggets, or to ask the nice man at the post office to mail a letter for you. Once the uniform comes off, there’s no reason for your children to suspect that the nice lady on the street may work at McDonalds, no reason for your children to try to buy stamps from random passersby. If there is information available about how your children should best interact with a certain profession, especially if it enhances their safety, you teach your children that!
That’s not “stereotyping”.

Black doesn’t come off at the end of the shift, it’s not a uniform, it’s not doing a job for you. Telling your children to be wary of a COLOR OF PERSON is racism. Pretending that an occupation and a racial identity are analogous is disingenuous.

I’m not entirely sure where I stand on this one. When we were chatting about the Gates case at work, a (black, female) coworker agreed that the officer should have done more to empathize and deescalate the situation, but also said, “dude, you’ve been a black guy all your life…you should know by now that the way to stay out of trouble is ‘yes, officer’ and nothing more.” I definitely agree with her to the extent of teaching kids that such racist views and treatment exist, but I kind of feel like the rest of that message gets to the point of victim-blaming. I suppose it depends on the situation. A (white, male) friend of mine was telling me about how he was pulled over while on his scooter, told to stop passing stopped traffic on the right and basically sent on his way, but my friend started citing the Massachusetts law that scooters under 50cc actually may pass on the right under said circumstance, and of course wound up with a ticket. In his situation, where it’s a cop not knowing the law and it’s a freakin traffic law, I would say that the correct response is “yes officer,” and it’s his own damn fault he wound up with a ticket. However, I think if my friend had been instead told “you can’t walk around here holding those protest signs” or “you need to show me your ID now for no apparent reason,” then I’d say, sure, get yourself arrested and get some media attention and hopefully some case law.

This is such an emotional topic, I think sticking to the facts and relevant laws is most useful. Gates broke no laws. None. Yet he was arrested.

I was reflecting that I’d teach my kids (who are black) the same things that my husband (white) has taught be about how to handle yourself if pulled over by a cop. My husband was the first person to tell me that it’s your job to put the officer at ease and not give him or her anything to feel jumpy about. If you’re pulled over in your car, you turn on the interior lights, keep your hands on the steering wheel and tell the officer what you’re going to do before making any movements to look for a wallet or registration. You are as polite as possible and comply with whatever they ask you to do.I think knowing how to handle yourself when a cop suspects you of doing something wrong is an important life skill.

I will definitely teach my kids to seek out a police officer if they’re ever lost AND teach them how to behave when confronted. Come to think of it, my husband may have learned his rules for how to behave from his good friend in high school who was one of the few black teenagers living in a ritzy suburb. He used to get pulled over routinely.

When I was in college a friend of mine came back from winter break quite shaken. She told me that she and her boyfriend had gone out to dinner, paid their bill, and left. Moments later they were being pulled over by three police cars. The pulled over and were ordered to get out with their hands up. They did, despite being terrified because guns were drawn. They were arrested immediately with no explanation given. When they got to the police station they were separated and questioned. My friend told me she was hysterical. After questioning, they let her and her boyfriend go and explained that two black men had held up the restaurant they were seen leaving and that they matched the description. My friend kept saying, “but I’m not a black man, I’m a black woman!” While I knew things like this happened every day, having it happen to a good friend was shocking. The problem with these situations is that all someone needs to “fit the description” is to not be white.

I will never teach my children the officer friendly approach. Police officers have been known to abuse their spouses (http://www.seattlepi.com/local/131879_cops23.html) and abuse their power (as in the Gates case). Just because they wear a uniform doesn’t mean they can be trusted.

While I don’t agree with everything Lisa said, she made one excellent point which was all but ignored. Despite what you say Shannon, we ARE talking about stereotyping. Do the police stereotype minorities into criminals? Certainly some of them do. You are stereotyping police officers as racists. Certainly some are, but doesn’t change the fact that you are assuming individuals beliefs based on the actions of some of their peers. Perhaps your posts overstate your position, but it sounds like you believe that the police are nothing more than a uniformed racist hit squad. I live in a small Midwestern town, and I was taught to treat the police with courtesy and respect. I would advise everyone to treat the police that way. It makes their job easier and makes you safer, regardless of your skin’s hue.
Wendy, it’s your right to teach your kids whatever you want. I would encourage you to be careful with your broad brush. You just suggested that we need fear the police as a whole because some have beaten their wives and abused their power.

I don’t think your article sounded that way at all. It’s been your comments since then that trouble me. You make it sound as if blacks do not commit crimes at a greater than average rate. That its only the police action against them that creates statistics that say so. While I agree that this certainly has an effect, I have a hard time believing that the conspiracy is so far reaching as to create the statistics we have now. I don’t like when people overstate one part of a two part problem. Your posts have been the perfect counterbalance to Lisa’s. Lisa said that blacks commit a disproportionate amount of crime compared to the rest of the population. You said that they are arrested, charged, convicted, and sentenced at a greater and more severe rate than their white counterparts. Honesty, I think you’re both right! I don’t think the justice system is truly color blind, but at the same time Detroit isn’t a dangerous place because the police are out there framing people.

I agreed with you before, and again now, that blacks are investigated, arrested, and convicted more and sentenced more severely than their white counterparts. It is serious problem that needs to be addressed. What I am concerned with, is that you seem to ignore a very real problem of actual crime in the black community. There aren’t two sides in my mind whatsoever. I believe that blacks do commit crimes at a rate higher than whites. This has nothing in particular to do with their skin color. It has far more to do with their economic condition and where they live. In the “inner city” of my hometown, the majority of people arrested are white. That is because the dirt poor in our town are overwhelmingly white. In Detroit, its a different story. I agree that the statistics overstate black crime, but I have a very hard time believing that the injustices of our system skew things quite so much as you say. Despite the fact that blacks make up 50% of the homicides in the last 30 years. I agree that the statistics are likely skewed, but for blacks to have the same actual crime rate as the average population there would have to be two wrongful convictions for every correct conviction. For all our legal system’s failings, I don’t believe it is that far gone. If you really believe this is true, I would suggest that you leave the country. I wouldn’t raise my kids in a country I thought was allowing this to happen.

Wow - lots of great points made. Given that our children have a high likelihood of being Black (going by the demoraphics of our foster system), this is something I’ve been thinking about a lot in the wake of the Gates situation.

My partner’s an anarchist who tends to take the approach of the guy who argued with the cop about his scooter - he’s willing to take the headaches that come with pointing out when the system is wrong. As a white man with a professional job, he’s in a position to do that without incurring a lot of additional headaches. I definitely plan on teaching our kids a wary politeness approach - not emphasizing the problematic side of police profiling until they’re older, but being aware of the fact that unknowingly pissing off a grocery clerk can mean your eggs get smashed; pissing off a cop can bring far worse consequences.

Eric (and others who are concerned about the statistics) - you’ve made me want to get harder numbers for situations like these, but ‘real’ figures are very hard to find. This is due to disproportionate arrests, but also due to the fact that white criminals are often wealthier, and so have attorneys that
1. plea bargain down to ‘lesser’ offenses, resulting in skewed statistics
2. appeal on procedural grounds, resulting in overturned convictions
3. defend their clients more completely, resulting in fewer convictions to start with.
Therefore, it’s not (just) that there are a lot of Black people with criminal records who were unjustly convicted, it’s that a lot of while people avoid conviction (or avoid conviction for a more ’serious’ crime - both circumstances help to skew the #s.