Don’t forget to tune in to Morning News Live. Jeanne Sager and I will bring you a live and lively half hour of news, views, and, in my case, Jews. Well, one Jew. Me. Wednesday July 15 at 9:30am EST. Click here to listen in.

And now, the news:

In what is surely a sign of the apocalypse, dozens of giant squid showed up in La Jolla, California. “Wildlife experts aren’t sure why dozens of huge Humbolt squid washed up on the shores…early Saturday morning.” The invasion of the giant sea creatures occurred “roughly 15 minutes after a 4.0 magnitude offshore earthquake shook the area,” or at least that’s when “residents noticed” that the squid was there. These things weigh more than 40 pounds each. I know they say Californians are flaky, but come on. How do you not notice a giant squid, much less dozens of giant squid? La Jolla residents “tried to help” the collosal cephalopods (ka-ching! Wikipedia, represent!) but they didn’t need directions to a health food store, they just wanted to get back in the water. Yes, that was a bad California joke. Sorry about that.

In the interest of equal time, a shark was found on the shore of Gilgo Beach in Babylon, NY. That’s on Long Island. On the East Coast. Which means the Invasion of the Creatures From The Deep has spread from coast to coast! Quick! Everybody move to Kansas! Here’s the shark, whose name may or may not be Bruce.

Here’s a photo of girls in bikinis petting the shark. That’s not what I would do. Mostly because biknis don’t flatter my curves. (Thank you! I’ll be here all week!)

Continuing the monster movie theme (no idea why, just go with it):

Possibly the greatest business headline ever, courtesy of The Australian — “Japanese ponder birth of a beer monster.” It refers to “Japanese beer giant Kirin…reportedly negotiating a merger with domestic rival Suntory to create the world’s fifth-largest beverages business.” But they made it sound like a monster movie.

The NFL may have some labor problems soon. I think the owners should give the players what they want. I also think that they won’t do that. We’ll see. Mostly I just want to watch football and don’t want the season interrupted by a labor dispute.

The Vatican liked the new Harry Potter movie apparently. Well, praise be and all that.

In other movie news, Natalie Portman has joined the cast of “Thor.” She’ll play Jane Foster, a nurse who was the “first love of the title character in the Marvel Comics,” according to the Kansas City Star. Thor, for those who don’t know, is the Norse God of Thunder. In Marvel Comics, he’s a member of The Avengers. A founding member. What’s that noise? Are you snoring? Wake up! This is important news!

Sonia Sotomayor’s confirmation hearing rolls on. Things got a bit testier on Tuesday, with many old white guys trying to tell a nice Latin lady that she has no right to try and be an “activist judge.” Judicial activism is exclusively the province of people who want to overturn Roe V. Wade. I mean, duh.

And finally, Democrats in the House of Representatives “introduced a bill that would expand [health] coverage, rein in the growth of Medicare and raise taxes on high-income people.” Many Conservatives only saw the following two words of that last sentence: “raise taxes.” Republicans in the House have requested pistols at dawn.

Final plug – listen to Morning News Live, Wednesday July 15 (today) at 9:30am EST. Click here.

Image: KOAA

Read more:

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Morning News Live – Wednesday July 15 at 9:30am

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