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Strollerderby
How Not to Look Old–If You Care
New columnist, Marjorie Osterhout comenced her work this week at the bright and shiny new Seattle Post-Intelligencer online by asking her teenaged nieces how not to look old. In order to get their attention, she texted them:
“Emergency! How do I not look old?”
They texted back with recommendations to swap lipstick for lip gloss, to wear designer shades, to ditch her watch in favor of cell-phone time. And they insisted that panty hose were out. (Even I knew that. Panty hose have been out since I was a teenager.)
I admit to thinking about this topic more in recent months. As my 40th year gets well underway, I wonder if I truly cant wear above-the-knee flippy skirts anymore (presuming they’re even in style), or if a two-piece swimsuit will ever again finds its way onto my body (should I ever have the confidence to wear it in the first place). And I do occasionally fret about the slide in self-care I’ve definitely experienced since becoming a mom four years ago. And as a first-time mom at 35, I am usually in the top two or three oldest moms among my kids’ peers, and I’m starting to feel it.
Mostly though, I don’t much care about fashion Dos and Don’ts. I will wear something if I think it looks good and I won’t if I think it doesn’t, regardless of the Rules. Then again, I do find myself inventing some rules of my own. For example, once you’re over about 55, stop dyeing your hair. It makes you look like you’re trying to look young, which…looks old. Besides, I personally think grey is sexy.
I’m also against tube tops. For anyone. Ever. Period.
The comments over at the P-I raise various Rules for men, too. The watch rule seems to be different for them. I personally haven’t worn a watch in years, but I haven’t carried a cell phone either until recently. Instead, I have developed the ability to sneak peeks at the watches of strangers when I cared to know the time. I’m a rebel like that. And yeah, I actually have an iphone, but I’m kind of embarrassed about it. I don’t really like “flashing” it to check the time, however cool it is supposed to make me look. (To me, “flashing” anything reeks of Trying Too Hard.)
What do you think? Frumpy moms unite, or shape up and buy some lip gloss?
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14 Comments
elswhere commented on Jul 15 09 at 2:48 pmHah! I do that too, with the watches! I’ve never been able to wear a watch– they irritate my wrist, so I take them off and then lose them. Receipts are good, too– they usually have the exact time on them.
Also I henna my hair. But not that often. I choose to believe that the two-tone henna/gray effect is punk rather than just weird.
leahsmom commented on Jul 15 09 at 2:55 pmIf you’re a diabetic, your blood glucose meter always has a clock on it – once or twice, I’ve taken a blood test in a meeting just to check the time, and no one ever feels like they can complain! :)
Julie M commented on Jul 15 09 at 4:01 pmPanty hose …ewww but fishnets! I think we’re talking apples and oranges here. That said, I like to look decidedly frumpy at work because I’m actively encouraging the librarian stereotype. I want to look as different as possible from the way I look in my personal life. That said, I’ve still been told I’m the “cool librarian” so perhaps something isn’t working??? :)
Marjorie commented on Jul 15 09 at 4:10 pmHey, thanks for the link Shannon! I wasn’t surprised when my nieces outlawed pantyhose, but I really do miss my watch. The comments have also surprised me in that so many men are also thinking about how not to look old.
Elswhere, I look on receipts for the time, too. And Julie M, sounds like your colleagues aren’t buying the frumpy routine – maybe you’re taking a cue from Tina Fey’s sexy teacher look?
GP commented on Jul 15 09 at 5:34 pmI will always wear a $15 digital watch. It’s how I know what time it is. Yet, it’s also ironic, because I can clearly afford a more expensive watch. What’s with the watch haters? Is it a crime to want to be on time?
Ali commented on Jul 15 09 at 6:24 pmIf you are over 25 you cannot wear mini skirts. You look like you are trying really hard to look young if you do. Besides, it is undignified to show your baggy knees. Never wear a french manicure on any nails or dayglow. If you have boobs wear a bra or look cheap. May women confuse looking attractive with looking like a hooker. AFter 50 dye your hair if it makes you feel good. Just dont go too dark. Besides, it hides hte bald spots.
laure68 commented on Jul 15 09 at 7:17 pmHooray for the end of pantyhose! I always thought these were torture devices, anyway. Never mind how expensive they are since you have to toss them after you get a run.
Ali – you can’t wear a miniskirt after 25? You had better never go to France, where women wear short skirts way past that age. Not all short skirts look trashy. If young women think these are out of style, we are clearly evolving.
laure68 commented on Jul 15 09 at 7:18 pmAck – that comment about young women thinking something is out of style referred to the pantyhose. Sorry.
ann05 commented on Jul 15 09 at 7:42 pmBaggy knees? I don’t wear mini skirts, but I’m 30 and I sure as hell don’t have baggy knees. They look exactly the same as they always did.
GP commented on Jul 15 09 at 8:19 pmover 35 and will wear mini skirts as long as my husband likes me to. I have nice legs and it can be done tastefully. Don’t be a hater.
Marj commented on Jul 15 09 at 8:23 pmHow not to look old? wear what you like, wear what looks good on you, and don’t give a damn what other people think.
Sheri commented on Jul 16 09 at 9:47 amI’ve been doing the gloss thing for awhile now. Scary to think I’m on the cutting edge. I’m all with Marj. I wear funky nail polish because i like it. I care the purse I carry because i like it. Although I do miss big hair, it needs to make a comeback.
Amy Kuras commented on Jul 18 09 at 5:16 pmWhat I notice always makes women look old is dressing either too young or too old — like in my 20s when my mom tried to make me wear a full-length old lady trench coat because it was “professional” or women who run in packs in wealthy suburbs around here wearing expensive jeans, rhinestone-emblazoned t-shirts, and fake tans, with long, flippy, bleached blond hair. At first glance they look 25–then you notice the wrinkles.
What I struggle with is dressing appropriately for my age and station and size, without dressing too young or too old.
poetess commented on Jul 21 09 at 7:01 pmFashion rules are annoying. Honestly who cares? Isn’t this America? If you can take the social cricism and fall out go ahead and be the 70 year old in a miniskirt. Ultimately it’s you’re life, isn’t it? That said, I too have my own rules. Number one: if it truly looks gross cover it up. I don’t mean nit picky gross like OMG my arms don’t look like Michelle Obama’s. No, I mean freak show, elephant man/mask gross like you have an actual disease or condition gross. Cover that sh*t up.
Few of us have perfectly toned arms or legs or six packs. So what! Doesn’t mean you can’t wear a bikini or shorts or cap sleeves if you so choose. Unlike some people, I don’t think you need the perfect body to wear cute clothes nor do you have to be 18. Which leads me to my next rule.
Unless you’re 18 don’t dress 18. And I’m going to qualify it because some people think if you wear anyting remotely trendy, colorful or that doesn’t cover you like a burqa past 30 you’re dressing too young. WRONG. Just don’t get whole outfits from juniors. I can’t think of anything worse than being 35 and turning around to see some 16 year old has on your self-same outfit. Awkward.
Next rule. Don’t dress like a hooker. That is don’t do the plunging neck line, the short skirt, and the high heels all at once. Unless you’re an entertainer it just looks cheap. Less is more however old you are.
Last rule: to really look your very best consider playing up your best features and minimizing the problems. I have cellulite thighs like many women, but kick a** calves and delicate ankles, a small waist and a rack of envy. Yes, I play those up with a high waist pencil skirt and plunging neckline. : ) I’m 40 btw.
I never try to dress to my age-group. I think that’s a mistake for anyone because invariably it’s a stereotype. According to my age group I’m supposed to wear loose clothes and muted colors. That would just zap my spirit and do nothing to bring out my beautiful dark skin or my curvy figure.
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