You’re kidding me, right, GP? For some of us who have more than one kid, it’s not about “what we can afford,” but about the fact that we love kids, or that we think single-child families as a cultural norm are strange and unhealthy, or that we have moral issues with the most effective forms of birth control, or that we came from multi-kid families and treasured it, or that we consider marriage and family to be the most important things in life, or that we don’t consider kids commodities, or, or, or. I assume that you get the point. If number of children were a sign of wealth, my life and that of my friends would look a whole lot different.

Besides that, from my experience, it’s the wealthy families who have their token one child — maybe two children, if they’re really brave — and the not-wealthy ones who are raising the broods. I don’t know what kind of weirdo world you’re living in.

Maybe I misunderstood GP’s original comment, but I thought she was talking about how some posts on Babble talk about things like bringing a nanny on vacation without batting an eye, while making fun of parents who buy expensive stuff for their kids.

I tend to buy on the cheaper side, mostly because I quit my job when my son was born. However, I don’t think it is necessarily bad to want to buy nice things if you have the money. I’m sure there are things we do/did that people would think extravagant.

I did find that Washington Post article interesting, but like ChiLaura I have observed that people with larger families tend to be less wealthy than those with small families. (Unlike what the article is saying.) Although I think saying “token one child” and implying that people with one child consider kids commodities is a bit much.

ChiLaura: as one of those one-and-done people who very much loves my only child despite my very small pocketbook, I bristle at the idea that it’s “strange and unhealthy” to have stopped at the one child I can afford rather than pop out a passel of brats that I can’t possibly feed. I think big families are wonderful for those who choose to have them – my grandparents had seven. Then again, they could feed them all.

To say that people who have big families don’t think about the cost factor is exactly why people were so mad at the Octo-mom. Part of healthy and good parenting is knowing that you can put a roof over the heads of, feed, clothe, etc. the number of children you have. If only one kid is what you can afford, it’s not strange – it’s reality.

I never understood the judging of how many kids someone decided to have. I am also one-and-done, but I was an only child and had a very happy childhood. I also had friends with large families that were very happy too.

Currently, the birth rate in the US is exactly where it needs to be to keep the population steady (2.2 births per woman). On the average, we are having the right amount of kids. Until that changes, we shouldn’t worry about how many kids other people are having.

Ladies, calm down, take a breath. Please notice that I used the word “or,” as in, “there are many reasons some families don’t just have one kid, and here are some that some people might believe, and I’m sure that there are others.” For whatever it’s worth, out of the multiple reasons I listed above, I personally don’t subscribe to all of them. I can’t imagine having only one kid, for a variety of reasons, including, but not limited to, the fact that I love having a large extended family (my immediate family is quite small) and have always wanted multiple kids, I think that having only one child would be stressful for many reasons, I want my kids to have siblings, and, yes, my religious beliefs play into it. I can understand why many people would only want one kid — job, finances, terrible pregnancy and/or labor, child with disabilities, the list goes on. I don’t personally identify with all of these reasons, but, whatever. (Most) people do things for rational reasons, even if I don’t fully agree with their rationale. I’m not “offended” by only-child families unless they try to limit my family size.

That said, I read an article (NY Times? quite a while ago) about how there is now a whole generation in Europe, only children of only children, who are growing up without siblings or cousins, and how this is a new phenomenon. Some social scientists are actually concerned about this, as at least a few see the family and not society as the basic unit of culture, so what happens when that essentially disappears? If one finds any truth at all in the idiom “Blood is thicker than water,” s/he will probably agree that this new phenom is potentially damaging to society itself. If one doesn’t agree with the idiom, s/he will probably shrug off the saying and the phenom. It’s a basic difference in worldview. Does it mean that I’m judging you as a person? No. It does mean that I look at things differently than you do. And while I may not understand the choices you make, but I do respect your right to make them.

I just want to make one comment about the phenomenon of only children in Europe. There is no proof that this is actually damaging society. There are some sociologists who are concerned, but you can pick any subject and find someone who is concerned about it. People just don’t stay put like they did in the old days, so even in a larger family there is no guarantee that kids will grow up near each other. In my father’s family, all of the kids live all around the world, and they hardly ever see each other.

Also, in Europe is that the birth rate is lower than what is needed to keep a steady population. The major concern is that the social system will collapse, with not enough workers to pay into it. This is not the case in the US. (Well, not because of population growth anyway.)

The notion that blood relationships are stronger and/or more meaningful than other relationships is not just wrong or disrespectful to families unconnected by blood. It’s sad for people who feel that way. They are missing out on an important human experience–an experience that arguably MAKES humans human (versus some other species). It’s also nonsensical when it comes from people who swear up and down by the importance of marriage. You know, unless they married their cousins.

By the way, from a Christian perspective (which is my perspective, but also a Jewish and a Muslim perspective as I understand those religions), making close bonds in spite of and across blood is in fact a commandment of God and a key practice of faith.

Agreed about being able to support a fam on one adult salary, for sure. But, given the way the world is today, if I am going to do that, I am having one kid. And, I do “help out a little bit” with the 8 year old. I politely talk to them for a few minutes, but yet, often they hang on while mom is chatting w her friend or tending to her gaggle. WHy is it on me to “help” women who overextend themselves? It doesn’t take a village, it takes people who give a crap about their own kids.

ChiLaura: why should she have to help the mother out with the 8-year-old? I might not know where my child is every second of every day, but I have seen the frazzled multi-child families where the mom just can’t keep an eye on all of them . . . and it ends up falling on the rest of us. I’m all for “it takes a village,” but when I’m trying to wrangle my own kid, I shouldn’t have to be walking away from her to pull your 18-month-old from putting his fingers in a fan just because you have six kids and can’t keep track of him. I do it because I’m human and don’t want to see a child hurt, but that doesn’t mean I HAVE to.

GP: They may get greedy. An ex-boyf ate everything very very quickly because when he was growing up, if he didn’t, his younger brother would. Besides that, kids of any age who are polite and well-mannered at the playground (or elsewhere) can be hard to find. I tend to stay away from playgrounds during the afterschool hours when older kids are around, as my kids are a lot more likely to get run over. This has little or nothing to do with the parents, I think, and just more to do with kids being big, maybe rough, and running off energy. Aren’t most kids pretty self-centered, and they think that you’re actually interested in what you have to say? You’re not, and I think that it’s just as “helpful” to this kid to tell him, “Seriously. You need to leave me alone so I can tend to my own child.” He needs to learn somehow, right? I certainly don’t think you need to carry on some inane conversation with an 8 y/o just because his mom isn’t. I will just say that as a parent of multiple (2, soon 3) kids, I appreciate it when someone else is friendly to my 3 y/o, who loves babies and will probably pester you to see yours. At the same time, I do pay enough attention to him that while he is chatting someone else up about their baby, if I detect that the other parent is bored or annoyed by him, I will steer him away from them. I’m sure that there are other parents who don’t care to or can’t pay attention to what their older child is doing. Or it might just be that you’re not bored-looking enough, so the mom figures that you don’t mind.

“However, I do tend to think that unless there is something dysfunctional about one’s relationship with one’s family, it generally is the case that it’s family to whom we turn first in difficult times, and it’s family with whom we first share our joy about happy events.”

Precisely, ChiLaura. But my family isn’t all related by blood. And I’m not just referring to my spouse and adopted children. I have brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews related to me by neither blood nor law who are as–sometimes more–important as the people with those titles who are related. And there is nothing dysfunctional about this. It is not a failure of my blood relations that I have non-blood kin too. I stand by my statement that it’s sad when people can’t imagine the possibility of indeed having as strong a sense of obligation to someone who doesn’t come from their personal gene pool as they have with those who do.

What you are doing is universalizing your own personal experience and prescribing it as the healthy norm. You can’t make these broad sweeping statements about others on the basis of how you yourself feel about it.

I am verry rich but i domt have any true friends