My husband didn’t want to be at our daughter’s birth. He told me of his decision one month beforehand. He thought it would be ‘too much pressure.’ I got a doula and he did eventually come around but he still complains about how uncomfortable it was for him to be there. I hope if my daughter had a child someday she chooses someone a little less selfish than I apparently did.

This probably had a lot to do with how the question was asked, or how it was interpreted. It would be hard to imagine giving birth without my husband there, but luckily we had no circumstances where it would be difficult for him to be at the birth. As you said, there are many men stationed overseas. Also, I always wondered what happened when a couple already has a young child with no other family nearby. Wouldn’t the husband need to stay home with the child? (I would imagine that it would be very difficult to entertain/control a toddler for such a long period of time.)

My daughter’s father was in the delivery room with me, when I delivered, as was my mother, who at the time was an LPN. Mom had 4 kids, so she was pretty good as encouragement and support, and my daughter’s father was… well… he was mostly in the way. His previous two sons were probably more important. Oh well… Completely off topic here, but I really wish I’d never even told that pig that I was pregnant to begin with. On another note, back on topic, labor and delivery and childbirth in general is such a painful, but beautiful experience, that I honestly would be quite hurt if in the future, my significant other did not want to be in the room while I gave birth to our child.

My husband was in the room during the birth of our son, per my insistance, as was my sister. My sister was a great help and I wouldn’t have been able to do it without her. My husband, on the other hand, could have been replaced by a stress ball (one of the little squeezie things filled with gel), he was just that necessary. I actually have a little lingering regret on persuading him to be there when he didn’t really want to be. Some of the things that go on during childbirth do not need to be seen by anyone except professionals! Next time, he’s more than welcome to stand outside the room until the ‘big reveal’ if that’s where he feels more comfortable.

I think it depends on many a factor – one of them being the aforementioned “ocean away military” factor. Were I a military wife/partner, I suspect I would be less insistent simply because the military comes first (so it seems to an outsider and from what I’ve been told by mil-wives I know…).
My husband wanted to be a part of it. I could not have asked for better help, either. He was there to encourage, convince, hold, and commiserate with me. He was there as my advocate when they had a trainee attempting to run an IV and I was ready to pass out as she was digging around (“No, you’re done. She has “bad” veins and no offense, but you do not get to make her pass out, we’ll get someone with a little more experience.”) and when his mother didn’t “get the memo” (translation: she’d been told but ignored our wishes) that we didn’t want visitors while I was in labor in the hospital, thanks, and politely chased her out. He was there to be encouragement to push, he cut the cord when our baby was cuddled on my stomach, helped give our little guy his first bath, and cuddled us both as our little dude had his first meal with me. Wouldn’t have had it any other way if I could avoid it.

If hiring a doula were an option for us, I don’t know that I’d care that much if my husband were around. Sure, I’d probably *prefer* it, but I don’t consider it to be a big deal. For a couple reasons, though, a doula isn’t viable, nor is having my mom or other support, so my husband is kind of stuck with the job. I do feel that I need / want someone in the room with me, so I can squeeze his hand while I’m actually in labor, and to be firm with the nurses about “this is what we want done with our baby,” and to make the first couple phone calls. We’ve been thru two deliveries, though, and I don’t begrudge my husband not wanting to see the blood and mess that goes along with birth. He cut the cord for our first birth and almost regretted it later. Doesn’t bother me. When the midwife offered to let me reach down and feel the baby’s head, I said, “No thanks.” We’re both a little squeamish about this stuff, and I don’t care if my husband just hovers by my head. I don’t want to look at what goes on down there, and I don’t care if my husband does, either. Though maybe forcing him to would function as some sort of birth control. =)

We’re both a bit squeamish ourselves, especially me. I like to joke that if I could not be there for the birth in 4 weeks, I’d try to get out of it. That said, I want my husband there. Not so he can witness or share or any of that stuff. I want him there because I love him, he’s my best friend and my mate and I’m scared. I want him there so that I am not alone, adrift in a weird world of medical personnel strangers with nobody to cling to for support.

I know that I do not want my husband to be there for the final stages! It is just such a personal experience that involves my own body and I truly feel that I draw the most strength from it being a totally feminine experience, involving the strong women in my life. My husband doesn’t do well with hospitals, needles, or blood/bodily fluids. He can just wait next door, thank you! And for the record, that is exactly where he wants to be.

It seems like just as labor is unique to every woman, so are the personal preferences surrounding the labor/birth. I have never wanted my husband to even be in the delivery room, let alone at the end of the bed watching a human crawl out of my sexiness. Thankfully, he agrees! Neither of us understands why the magic and sexuality of our relationship needs to be risked so he can see me angry, sweating and smelly, looking fat and degraded in some hospital gown with my socks still on. really, once i go into active labor, it’s just gonna be me and hopefully my mom in that room. My hubby can come back into the room after the baby is clean, i’m clean, and I’ve put a little lipstick on!

It was really important to me that my partner NOT be present, when he was still my partner. Thankfully, we called it quits and it was a non-issue, but still. It’s such a deeply feminine ritual that the testosterone is palpable in the room, and really screws with things. This birth was 100% different from my last in many ways except one – it was all about the woman power. That’s the way I want it to stay. Not out of fear for him losing sight of me as a sexual creature or anything silly like that, but because there’s no possible way he could ever in any remote way understand the emotional and visceral reactions to the experience in general. I’m very happy and proud to say that I gave birth on Wednesday in a deeply bonded, loving, woman-centric environment and it was fantastic. :)