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Mom Finds Few Books About Sex For Boys
One of the things that terrified me deeply when I found out my second child was a boy was The Teen Years. See, I have almost no familiarity with teenage boys and what experience I did have wasn’t good. I went to an all-girls high school, and while I have a brother I was away at college most of his teenage time.
The idea of dealing with hormones and lust and insecurities and whatever else boys go through, not to mention trying to teach him a few things about respecting girls and women and not being a jackass, makes my head ache now and he’s still a sweet little toddler.
Feminist blogger Rebekah Spicuglia experienced the same thing when her 11-year-old son announced to her over the phone (she’s a long-distance noncustodial mom) that he was going through puberty. After talking with his teachers to see what sort of sex ed he’d be getting at school (short answer: not much), she headed for the bookstore.
She found that there isn’t a lot for her son’s age group that’s positive about sex, and nothing that has a LGTBQ perspective. But she did find a few helpful books, like My Body, My Self for Boys” and “The Talk” (which I have heard recommended elsewhere) about talking about sex with your kids.
Thanks to feminism, there seems to be a lot out there about empowering girls to have some self-respect in sex and relationships. But there’s not a lot for boys about how to treat women with respect and kindness, and I certainly see a lot of parents kind of looking the other way when their boys make comments about fat chicks or sluts or whatever when they’d be furious over someone saying the same thing about their daughters. And the prevailing culture is not helping us at all.
What books or resources have helped you? How do you address the “don’t be a giant douchebag” issue with your sons?
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4 Comments
M commented on Jul 06 09 at 7:01 pmI would add that boys need self-respect in these areas, too. I’ve seen guys who didn’t know any better walked all over by girls. The “douchebag”ery goes both ways.
Sierra Black commented on Jul 06 09 at 9:02 pmI posted about this recently on my own blog, here: http://childwild.com/2009/05/29/talking-to-kids-about-sex/.
Like you, I haven’t found much for boys, nowhere near the wealth of resources that exist for girls. My stepson is 15. When he turned 11, we gave him Robie Harris’ book for teenagers “It’s Perfectly Normal”, which covers all the basics about safer sex and self-respect.
Probably the best thing I’ve done to really get into the “don’t be a giant douchebag” aspects of teen dating with him is to watch all of Buffy the Vampire Slayer together and talk about the relationships the characters are having. Weird, but so far it seems to be working.
Bonnie Caprara commented on Jul 06 09 at 9:58 pmMy boys are in college, so I can’t remember the books I shared with them (and admittedly too early). But from time to time, we’d have (and still have) conversations about sex/relationships/moral/personal health/male-female perspective and attitudes all rolled into one just as we talk about any other issues. The big mistake is taking them aside for a rehearsed and scripted “talk.”
John Clayton commented on Feb 06 11 at 11:54 amFor heavens sake, besides the head games, this is the ultimate simplicistic app…just plug and play!
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