Swedish Couple Keep 2-Year-Old’s Gender a Secret

Posted by SunnyChanel on June 25th, 2009 at 6:02 pm

mid m 261x300 Swedish Couple Keep 2 Year Olds Gender a SecretSometimes babies give off an androgynous vibe. Are they a boy or a girl? Many parents try to make it clear to one and all by dressing their child entirely in baby pink or bright blue. But one couple in Sweden? They want to keep people guessing. The parents of Pop – a 2 ½ year old toddler - are refusing to tell anyone if their offspring is male or female. A select few do know the child’s gender such as people who have had to change the occasion diaper. When people do ask they say that they “don’t disclose this information.”

The 24-year-old couple made the decision to keep the gender private right when Pop was born. The couple stated that they think that gender is a ‘social construction’. They told a Swedish newspaper that, “We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mold from the outset. It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”

“Ignoring children’s natures simply doesn’t work,” says Susan Pinker (a psychologist and newspaper columnist from Toronto, Canada, who wrote the book The Sexual Paradox). “Child-rearing should not be about providing an opportunity to prove an ideological point, but about responding to each child’s needs as an individual.”

There are doubts that the family will be able to keep the secret for long since young children are quite curious and tend to gravitate to their own gender early on. A Swedish gender equality consultant Kristina Henkel  believes the experiment might have positive results saying. “If the child is dressed up as a girl or boy, it affects them because people see and treat them in a more gender-typical way,” Henkel states. “Girls are told they are cute in their dresses, and boys are told they are cool with their car toys. But if you give them no gender they will be seen more as a human or not a stereotype as a boy or girl.”
The family will only reveal Pop’s gender when he or she is ready and time will tell if it will have had a positive or negative effect on the child.

Do you think keeping a baby/toddler free of gender labels would confuse them or make them more confident?

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9 Comments

it would have been impossible to keep my 2 year olds gender a secret. he just loooooved taking off his pants.

maeby commented on Jun 25 09 at 6:14 pm

Very dumb. Want your kid to feel wierd and be treated odd? Dont tell anyone their gender. People will assume they are a hermaphrodite which I think is the actual case here. You cannot go against nature. Girls are different from boys from birth. They are not a product of gender stereotypes. The sterotypes are a product of observed behaviors in children. The egg came before the chicken.

Ali commented on Jun 25 09 at 6:28 pm

Ali, I highly doubt the kid actually a hermaphrodite. With my experience with Swedish culture (my husband is Swedish and we go there frequently), I would guess that the child is a boy. Societal wise, Sweden has been a country that has worked very hard to get equal rights at all levels for women and it has had some strange consequeces (mostly positive). I remember a while back there was this push to get urinals out of the country! This kid is more than likely going to turn out just fine.

Shana commented on Jun 26 09 at 11:54 am

Ali, as the parent of a girl who is nothing like the stereotype, I have to strenuously disagree that “the egg came before the chicken.” While we didn’t go so far as to not disclose her gender, we made it clear that we would take our cues from HER preferences, not from a gender construct. She’s now five, and likes to wear skirts, catch bugs, and play with cars. She’s never gravitated toward one gender or the other, and can play with boys as easily as girls.

baconsmom commented on Jun 26 09 at 12:52 pm

If they want to be the only ones changing their baby, I’m sure everyone around them will be only too happy to oblige them.

Jellybean Jen commented on Jun 26 09 at 1:32 pm

Weird and possibly mildly abusive, but I’m really looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

clover commented on Jun 26 09 at 10:20 pm

Good for them.

amandashea17 commented on Jun 28 09 at 2:53 pm

more proof that Europe is a civilization on the decline.

dquentin commented on Jun 30 09 at 1:52 pm

Abusive how? I sort of wish we’d done the same with my daughter. Having one of each, I’m shocked even by my own double standards with the two kids. Loud, yelling, spoon banging boy in a restaurant: Smiles and Boys will be boys. My even louder, bangier girl, frowns and that’s not very lady like.

When my son was about I had people tell me they thought he was a girl “because he was so friendly”.

BostonMama commented on Jul 01 09 at 1:51 pm

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