How timely. Just last night I went to a wake with my baby for a man I really didn’t know. I was there for the family. But it was almost nice, because he brought a smile to the faces of the grieving family. My son is 8 months, so he didn’t know where he was, and I only brought him b/c I had no one to watch him. I remember going to wakes and funerals and cemeteries all the time as a child, for people I knew and some I didn’t. It wasn’t a huge deal for me I guess, though I could see how it could be for others.

NO, and i never look at dead bodies either. I dont want to remember loved ones like that. Teachign yoru child about real life should be age appropriate. 3 years is too young to understand grief and loss. Watching your mother flip out is very scarey for a child of that age. They do not have the wisdom to process it. This is the age where they ahve big imaginations. The just fill in the details themselves. You want to traumatise yoru toddler show them your grief and a dead body. You want to educate a child, read them books on grief and take them to a funeral when they are 10. My worst memory as a child was the funeral of my newborn cousin. Her father, a big strapping man, collapsed by her coffin. I had nightmares for weeks and was very depressed. I was only 7 years old and it still shakes me up to think about it today.

When my husband’s grandmother died, we took our 6 month old to the very small, very informal service. He did babble and shriek, but everyone in attendance was close family, a small group who traded funny stories about her life and ways she touched us all. When my father died recently, I brought my son, then 11 mos, to the wake, a large event at a local restaurant he and my mother were regulars at. I couldn’t even have conceived of leaving him at home. Holding him gave me comfort, and gave family and friends something to talk to me about once we’d gotten past the standard condolences. I’m actually boarding a plane tomorrow to attend my grandmother’s funeral. My now 15 month-old son won’t be at the cemetery for the burial, mostly because it will be 102 in the shade and he has a cold, but he’ll be at the gathering at my mother’s house afterwards. I agree that context is everything, and there are definitely situations where children should be left at home, but I think it’s up to each parent to decide what works best for them and their family. In my family, we like to celebrate the lives of the loved ones we’ve lost, and funerals are never stuffy, formal affairs. If your family’s traditions are more traditional, then it’s completely appropriate to ask that children under a certain age be left at home.

When my grandfather died, I took my then 2 year old to the wake and funeral. On the morning of the funeral, he had a huge tantrum (he was out too late at the wake) in the funeral home and it was embarrassing and I was regretting the decision. But at the mass, all the great-grandchildren were there and he was very well-behaved and the rest of my family enjoyed seeing him. He really had no idea what was going on and as others said, he provided us comfort. If he had acted up in church, my husband would have immediately taken him outside - I do agree that you should respect those who are there.

I think a 2-year-old is definitely too young to be at a funeral, especially since you’re doing it for your comfort. I agree with Ali — it’s very scary for a young toddler to see her mother out of control.

Yes. I believe in open disclosure with my daughter. She was at the funeral of her grandfather this Winter and I feel it was important for her to be there. Of course she asked lots of questions about where Papa went and why he died, but she deserves to get truthful answers. He was her grandfather and she loved him. These are difficult issues to explain to a toddler (She is almost 4) and she may not understand everything but I know in the long run she will appreciate that we did not shield her from death. It is part of life.

My son was almost two when he lost his grampa (my husband’s father) and there was no question that he was coming to the funeral. He was very well behaved and everyone was thrilled to see him there because children are reminders of life continuing on despite our grief. Death is a part of life and being open about it very important.

Two years later, our neighbor died and I brought my son to that funeral as well. Again, he was very well behaved, even the other neighbors commented…. and he was glad to have been there to say goodbye! We are three years past that funeral and my son still talks about how good he felt about being able to say goodbye and knowing where our neighbor is buried!

And, yes, at any point during the services, I or my husband, would have swiftly taken him out should he have gotten out of hand.