Send Your Daughter to Wife Camp - Shudder
Ah, now I know why my “hostessing skills” are off. My parents never sent me to make-over camp.
THANK GOD. Because apparently you can send your ten- to fourteen-year-old daughters to be Stepfordized, er, finished off, at a camp in Montreal this summer.
At Make-Over Camp, they’re not taking the ugly duckling and turning her into a beautiful swan. They’re taking your uncouth pre-teen and “instilling confidence, social charm and grace in an atmosphere of fun and friendship.”
So, no burping contests, but plenty of “personal grooming and care, choice and co-ordination of attire, reception planning and hosting.”
Oh goodie. She’ll be able to throw a party AND pick out a pair of pumps to match her dress.
The program is part of the Lambda School of Music and Fine Arts where Make-Over Camp organizers say girls need to learn “presence” and “appropriate topics of conversation and appropriate attire.”
And to teach them all that, they’re throwing them back into the 1950s were boys don’t need to learn to plan a reception or match tie to vest because there’s a little girly learning to do it for them. Remind me again, which college accepts students based on their posture?
There’s no doubt that kids today could benefit from some social skills, but learning to look an adult in the eye when they’re talking to them should be picked up at home along with “personal grooming.” It shouldn’t take $750 to accomplish.
Of course, Lambda says this isn’t sexist. They’re “empowering” girls. Which is the word we hear bandied about anytime someone wants to protest something eminently sexist as an idea the feminist community should embrace.
How is it empowering to learn to coordinate your clothes? To learn to be a good hostess? Wouldn’t it be just as empowering to hold business classes on organizing conferences and meetings . . . which carry with them hostessing skills on a much broader (not to mention more marketable) level? Or how about teaching the girls color coordination in art classes . . . which would equate to learn coordination of clothing? Let’s throw in nutrition classes where they get a grasp on grooming that goes beyond hair and make-up. That’s how you “empower” kids (kids, not just girls, kids).
I won’t argue the bones of a good idea aren’t there, but the execution is absolutely awful. As one critic said, the current set up is essentially a “wife camp” for girls.
Image: Lambda School of Music and Fine Arts
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Tags: anti-feminist, camp, daughters, feminism, girls, grooming, hygiene, Jeanne Sager, posture, social skills, summer camp
16 Comments
GP commented on Jun 18 09 at 12:22 pmAren’t these the sorts of things parents teach their kids? And so, each makes choices according to their own values (i.e. for me, no stepfordizing of my girl who already laughs at farts at age 2, but yes to firm handshakes and eye contact). Why do people always want to farm this stuff out? Isn’t it part of the fun/joy of parenting?
PlumbLucky commented on Jun 18 09 at 12:59 pmOkay, taking out the stepfordization possibility (which is high!), the only reason I can think to do this is that perhaps this type of progam comes across as more palatable to a teenager when it isn’t straight from the parental-type unit (that is what I referred to mine as while in my teenage years).
But still, I find it ooky.
sj commented on Jun 18 09 at 1:07 pmLook at the schedule–sounds awesome to me. It’s not like the parents are sending their girls to a year-round school, it’s merely 10 days of summer camp fun, but instead of camping and boating (which they can do the other 80 days of summer vacation!), they learn poise, music appreciation, and manners. Maybe it’s not your cup of tea, but don’t demonize the families that might enjoy this as patriarchal barbarians.
I could teach circles around most people when it comes to music appreciation (classical, pop, genres popular in ethnomusicological studies, etc), but I wouldn’t dare suggest my kids might be able to “pick up” appreciation for the visual arts from me at home. I think my family converses rather well together, but we often hear through the media that on the whole North American families don’t eat dinner together, the kids walk around with ipod buds in their ears, and they text in the middle of restaurant meals. So, no, many kids aren’t “picking up” proper conversation skills from home. In regards to the other skills: the show, “What Not to Where,” is based on the fact that our culture is often lacking in skills such as personal presentation, attire choice, and proper skin care–and the show often packages their goals in terms of self-respect and empowering the women. Again, the schedule shows a nice portion of the day is spent in arts appreciation–surely that cannot be objectionable?!? And what about the singing lessons offered? Oh the horror! The girl learned to carry a tune, better strap on the apron and start the lobotomy.
Sure, no college will accept a student based solely on their posture (please, where exactly was this camp marketed as a get-into-college seminar?), but what is so wrong with parents giving these skills a priority for merely ten days in a special day camp atmosphere?
GP commented on Jun 18 09 at 1:14 pmOK…good points..so don’t call it a “make-over camp” then…most young girls are so naturally beautiful the way they are, they hardly need a “make-over”. Maybe they can slip in some grammar, too
Me commented on Jun 18 09 at 1:46 pmMy mother was a table manners NAZI, by 7 my brothers and I could like adults and with adults (both American and back of fork style).
so many adults have awful table skills.
There is a thriving business in adult “corporate etiquette” classes.
It may not get you into college, but the first time I had dinner with five snotty French bankers I thanked my Mom.
Knitty commented on Jun 18 09 at 3:55 pmI don’t know, it’s not like they’re teaching the girl “how to please your man” or “how to land a rich husband” or anything gross like that. Posture, poise, good manners, and social skills are important, and teens that often resist what their parents are trying to teach them will listen if it’s coming from an “expert.”
I don’t think that skills need to be “marketable” in order to be important or enriching of one’s life.
Amy commented on Jun 19 09 at 9:45 amYou are right. It’s obvious your parents didn’t send you to makeover camp. I can almost see your sneering face when I read these words; “there’s a little girly learning to do it for them.” Your lack of social charm is alarming.
Nobody is saying these life skills are the only thing these girls will learn for the rest of their lives. Sheesh.
Basketcasemama commented on Jun 19 09 at 1:26 pmAlthough the idea of “wife camp” is truly nauseating, the idea of teaching girls to embrace their feminism, be proud of who they are and be confident in social and business settings is not without merit. Additionally, teaching young women social grace, manners, and ettiquette is truly an area that many young people need lessons because it is apparent that many have not learned these things from their parents. Sadly, those needing some lessons most likely wouldn’t be attending this camp anyway. Although, I doubt party planning would ever be a needed skill unless whe foresees a future as an event planner, but I can see where something like this program does have redeeming value. Many girls have self esteem issues and although one might think this environment would only solidify their inferiority complexes, the fact is it really doesn’t. I was an unfortunate young girl who many years ago was forced by her mother to go to “finishing school” that was held at a local “modeling school”. As an overweight pre-pubescent teen the idea of being forced to hang out with beautiful, skinny model types every Saturday while learning how to walk, talk, wear make, mix and match clothing, seemed the most degrading and ridiculous thing ever. To my surprise, the experience was greatly empowering. Many of the girls did have serious diction and pronunciation problems and indeed speaking eloquently on interviews for college and jobs is a great help. Also, many young girls wore entirely too much make up, and learning how to emphasize natural beauty with minimal make up and learning to look at the positive attributes of our faces and bodies and to emphasize them so we look and feel more confident also was surprisingly liberating. The best part for everyone though was learning to walk with confidence, how to make eye contact when speaking, how to speak without relying on “um”, “like”, and “ya know” all really did build my confidence and self assurance as an adult. We even learned what fork to use (although my mother taught me at a very young age), but you would be surprised how disconcerting it is to people to be out at an important event and not know which fork to use. It may seem like drivel, but I can attest that some of these “lessons” can be very empowering and no one was more surprised than I was that this was the case.
Twyla commented on Jun 19 09 at 1:37 pmI think I my husband would have loved for me to have gone. Maybe he could have had a “girly” wife. Nah, he never would have loved me then.
Twyla commented on Jun 19 09 at 1:38 pmOops. I was going to write I think I want to go and decided to change it to I think my husband would like me to go. I realize that I think I my… does not make any sense. My bad!
Hasdon commented on Jun 19 09 at 2:15 pmHow on earth is it a bad thing for a girl to know how to select clothes that flatter her body? Or, for that matter, know how to plan a party? Aren’t these skills that women should have in any generation, pre- or post-feminism? Just because you have a career doesn’t mean you should be socially illiterate in clothing that doesn’t match.
PlumbLucky commented on Jun 19 09 at 2:53 pmOkay, I’m shifting my position ever so slightly, after an interview panel lunch from Heck. Except I’m saying that it shouldn’t be “girls only”.
A 22 year old college/university graduate SHOULD be aware of the following, you’d think:
1. Do not show up for an interview luncheon wearing jean cutoffs and a ratty tee when applying for a job in sales and engineering. I don’t care what gender you are, I don’t care that its Friday, I don’t care that its construction. You’re going to be “the face” to a customer; wow those interviewing you.
2. Basic table manners. A napkin goes on your lap. Do not pick your teeth with your fork. Again, you want to be in engineering and sales. You are going to be taking clients out…don’t make yourself look like a neanderthal to us because we assume you’ll do the same with clients.
3. Basic hygiene. BO is not acceptable. Do I need to keep repeating that this is for sales/engineering and client contact?
4. Loose the slang.
5. Do NOT NOT NOT text, answer your phone, or check your email via your phone during the interview. Blooming rude!
Yes. This all (and more) happened during the interview luncheon today. I suddenly feel extremely old because I just found the entire thing absolutely ridiculous. I *have* my recommendation for the boss, but I strongly doubt they’re even going to ask for input from anyone else on the panel before tossing that resume in the circular file.
ChiLaura commented on Jun 19 09 at 4:45 pmThese comments are great! Amy, you made me laugh. Basketcasemama, thanks for the personal testimony. PlumbLucky, I wish that it were “boys or girls” and that my husband would’ve gone. Also, I’d like to know the “right” way (at least get some guidelines!) to throw a decent party for my kids. I don’t think that I was especially awkard as a teenager, but I would’ve benefitted from such a camp as this. I also think that “Home Ec” was a valuable class (how to cook! sewing buttons, so you don’t have to pay a tailor! ironing! financial management!) and should be encouraged today, based on those young whippersnappers by whom I’m constantly disgusted. Yes, PlumbLucky, I too feel old. =)
Marj commented on Jun 21 09 at 11:44 pmDoesn’t actually sound like a terrible idea to me, and I still proudly call myself a feminist, despite all the backlash against the term. Although I’ll agree that there should be a boys version too. I’d love to see manners, diction, and maybe some basic social skill make a come-back. And yeah, parents should be doing a lot of that, but it’s probably more fun to learn with a bunch of your peers.
Kalee commented on Jun 22 09 at 11:33 pmIn my hometown the very nice hotel holds a (I believe yearly) class for both pre-teen boys and girls to learn basic manners and social skills. Yes, parents should be teaching their children these things, but let’s face it—that’s apparently not happening as often as it should. I myself love reading etiquette books and vintage manners books. I have found the newer ones very helpful in certain social situations. And my two youngest brothers used to love having “manners school” at home and learning to sit up straight and use their utensils properly. I was a proud teacher, and it shows that classes like this can be enjoyed by both sexes!
Ri-chan commented on Sep 14 09 at 6:36 pm“How is it empowering to learn to coordinate your clothes? To learn to be a good hostess?” Ummm…how is it “empowering” to be laughed at after you go to a formal occasion in casual or unmatched clothing. Or to go to a casual or semi-formal event overdressed. How is it “empowering” NOT to know basic ettiquete or to not know how to host a formal event(like a wedding, or something more casual, a dinner party maybe.) and to be a good hostess. Because believe it or not, some girls LIKE doing those things, and how is it “empowering” to NOT do something you want and like just because a certain group (feminists) say you shouldn’t. And who says these girls aren’t going to buisness classes or going to a good college and getting a good job? Maybe they just want to do it with a little grace and poise? Or maybe they’re such brats that they really need an etiquette lesson because, guess what? Mommy and Daddy were so busy teaching them to be “empowered” that they forgot to teach them manners.
