Pregnant 12-year-old Was Living with Boyfriend
Note to parents: when your twelve-year-old says “can my boyfriend move in?” the answer is ALWAYS no.
Except, apparently, when you’re this mom: a twelve-year-old said to be one of the youngest ever pregnant girls in Australian history had her fifteen-year-old boyfriend sharing her bed.
And her mom was OK with it.
At least one adult head prevailed here - her dad reported the mom’s permissive behavior to authorities when it happened, only to be told that nothing could be done. Both of the kids were under age (she was eleven when he moved in), so there was nothing illegal about their living arrangements. In interviews with the girl, the authorities said she did not report any sexual abuse.
Um, and they realize she’s twelve, right? Because it likely wasn’t sexual abuse. A twelve-year-old and a fifteen-year-old thought they were very much in love and everything was ostensibly consensual.
The wrinkly here? They’re both children, and regardless of her sense of right and wrong - or the boy’s for that matter - they were limited by a child-like thought process. The age difference is troubling too, because in childhood, the differences in maturity are magnified by age differences. They won’t begin to even out until the latter teen years.
The girl’s mom is now in mental health custody, and she’s been put in her father’s care.
I’ve heard parents say they’d prefer their kids knew they were OK with sex, that they’d prefer it happen in their home, because it encourages kids to be more proactive with birth control. No sneaking around means more precautions, right? I’d agree - if your kids are sixteen, seventeen. But eleven?
When is it just too young to let your kids spend intimate moments with the opposite sex?
Image: News.com.au
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Tags: behavior, Jeanne Sager, parenting teens, permissive parents, pregnancy, teen pregnancy, teenagers
14 Comments
kristen commented on Jun 16 09 at 10:54 amThis is crazy. i can’t believe parents let their kids do these things without even things of the repurcussions of what they are letting them do. And now shes pregnant. She will be a baby raising a baby, which the parents will have to support both of them. Ridiculous!
PlumbLucky commented on Jun 16 09 at 10:55 amWhen is just too young? I’m going with “I don’t know what age it is appropriate at, BUT I know that 12 isn’t it…”
FWIW, the house rules at my parents (aka the meanest parents around…who I thank frequently now for being such):
1. If nobody’s home, no boys in the house. Yes, the neighbors are watching.
2. Even if we’re home, no boys with you behind closed doors. Anywhere.
(Rule no. 1 was eventually amended to admit that the “boy” down the street who we had known and grown up with and was brother-like was NOT a “boy” under that rule because that was just an ooky ooky thought)
3. Don’t get pregnant, or you’re on your own.
I think one of the first times that I had a boy in my room with the door shut…it wasn’t technically my room any more, it sure didn’t look like my room, and it was my now-husband…and I was 22.I will admit to occassionally breaking rules 1 and 2. But no. 3? Only after I was married, when it didn’t matter that I was “on my own”.
Twyla commented on Jun 16 09 at 11:20 amI had most of the same rules as PlumbLucky except there was no mention of pregnant. My mother always told us to not put ourselves in compromising situations. That is where morals are compromised.
With my kids, I will not be thrilled or supportive of sex at 16 or 17 or anytime they are in high school. I think we overembrace an adult act for our children. It is complicated and teenagers are already bogged down without one more thing. However, if I knew my kids were having sex, I would discuss in detail birth control and consequences of sex. I would not encourage it, though. And, yes, we discuss sex and birth control now knowing my 14 year old is not sexually active.
PlumbLucky commented on Jun 16 09 at 12:05 pmTwyla - Rule no. 3 combined with actual information on contraception, including failure rates, pretty much kept us on the straight and narrow!
lily lock commented on Jun 17 09 at 8:43 pmokay mom you are crazy that you are ok that your 12 year old dauthger is pregant what is wronmg with this world?
TheGabe commented on Jul 27 09 at 2:20 pmYo this is ridiculous.
In the animal world females are mating/giving birth as soon as they are able- it is only human society that has invented the concept of “underage”.
No age is too young.
elica commented on Aug 28 09 at 2:08 amwtf?! “thegabe” .. are you serious?! of course there are ages that are too young to be giving birth. people are NOT animals.. although you males often act like them. a child is not in any way capable or mature enough to take care of a child, especially raising a baby- are you dumb?? this just sickens me to see what this world has/is coming too. the thought of someone sleeping with a 12 year old makes me sick to my stomach, and i despise those stupid teenagers that sit there with their legs open for their “lovers” thinking that they should be raising children and that they’ll make great mothers, especially since they’ll be with the baby’s daddy forever! it’s so awful. these poor children nowadays don’t stand a chance with all this trash that grew up and is raising trash of their own nowadays..
blufindr commented on Aug 29 09 at 8:19 am@TheGabe: Actually, having a child at a young age is dangerous for the mother-to-be. It can cause a whole host of problems, including (but not limited to) haemorrhaging, future infertility, and death.
Besides which, I know of no 12-yo who has the know-how, or the responsibility to raise a child. It’s one thing to get knocked up and pop out a baby, it’s a whole other thing to be able to raise a child appropriately.
——–
As for house rules: Mine basically consisted of “No boys, ever!”, but I was a rebel and basically ignored that rule.
I’ve discussed the issue with my own partner, and we’ve both agreed that as long as our children have spoken with us about it first and are responsible, we wouldn’t have a problem with them having sex.
Frankly, though, this girl, her mother, and the boyfriend, are all twits. It’s likely that the mother herself was raised in this kind of situation (young parents, became a young parent herself, something like that) which justifies her decision in her mind.
Blah commented on Aug 30 09 at 2:20 amThis is bs. If you only let your girl hang around other girls they will mess with each other. I guess you would rather your dauther get it on with another girl. You people sicken me!
wtf? commented on Aug 30 09 at 2:26 amelica your the stupid one. Of coarse they can raise a kid. Its just that society makes females lazy. Look at history. It not like your body tells you to mate because its messing with you. It knows when your ready. Every thing else is just religous Bull Sh&t. also humans are a form of animal called a mammal. So shove that in your bible!
sMiLe:) commented on Sep 04 09 at 4:30 pmok all you people saying that “theres no age too young to get pregnant” need to shut the fuck up you sound like ignorant assholes or wannabe sex offenders. like seriously 12 is waaaaaaaaay to young to be pregnant its not a “religious” thing its a common sense thing so shove that up your narrow ass!
ski commented on Sep 07 09 at 9:18 amTHATS JUST INSAN TO LET HER DO THAT
Jessica commented on Sep 23 09 at 3:46 pmI think it is pretty obvious that someone is getting their chuckles by being ridiculous with their comments to “get your goat”. Folks THAT unenlightened are not generally reading somewhat hip and intellectually sound parenting sites. Unless they are, in fact, pedophiles and are cruising this site for a flash of baby skin. In which case, I hope you don’t have bathtime pics of your kids posted.
With my daughter, I focus on how school is important, art and music and living life. I emphasize that boys take up alot of time and energy, and serious things are best saved for when you’ve reached your goals.
I also, however, plan to discuss sex and birth control with her as soon as she hits her teens. I can only encourage her in the right direction, but to keep her safe, I also have to give her the knowledge and tools she needs, as well as being the kind of parent she WILL tell. Would I like it if she were in high school? No, and alot of serious talking would be done. I would never permit it in my house. And if she were in middle school, I would not only forbid it, but I would be her goddamned shadow to assure it didn’t happen. At some point though, you do have to let go and let them be independent, and as long as you have given them to tools, knowledge and support they need, you have to hope they will make the right decisions.
Orphanchild commented on Sep 27 09 at 2:45 amThe mother of 12 year old should be brought up on charges of encouraging sexual child absure my mom allowed my 14 year old sister to have her 18 year old boyfriend move in and sleep with my sister. Sister got pregnant and bf ran away like a coward. Child was placed for adobtion. My sister’s live life was screwed up after that and still is. My views are jaded but the 12 year old mom is crazy as is my mom. Makes me think the moms were getting their sexual kicks out of knowing their daughters were having sex in the room next to theirs sick people
