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Strollerderby
I want to kick back, not feel guilty!
When I go to the park with a friend and our kids, my goal is to give my child a playmate and some good old-fashioned outside fun. But if I’m being honest, I’ve also very much got my eye on some adult conversation and the ability to relax, guilt-free, knowing my six-year-old son is being entertained.
So when I’m on a playdate with a friend who isn’t as committed to grabbing some kicking-back time as I am, and often gets up to engage in the play, I get a little irked.
Mostly, I think, I get irked because my friend makes me feel guilty for not doing the same. More to the point, I think it’s because I don’t want to do the same. I do play with my child and spend lots of time with him, but Mommy needs a break!
And I don’t want to feel guilty about it. But it seems like the culture of parenting in North America right now remains very much in line with this idea that the sky will fall if you aren’t spending every available second working on your child’s social, emotional and intellectual development. I know I’m not the only one who feels this pressure.
I’ve heard this called Helicopter Parenting, where the parents hover above the child, overseeing everything they do and optimizing every potential learning experience. I’m all for playing a game of Find the Letters of the Alphabet on License Plates when you’re stuck in a car for any length of time with your kids. But I honestly reject this pressure to always be pushing my kid and pushing myself to push my kid. I don’t think it’s good for the children and I don’t think it’s good for parents.
I’m partial to this emerging trend in parenting, the so-called slow child movement. Enough with the hyper-scheduling of kids; with the maximization of every moment. They don’t need to have their heads jammed full of every bit of enlightenment possible at every turn. They need to play and run and get bored and figure out what to do then and daydream. They need time and space to themselves. And quite frankly, so do I!
So how about you? Do you feel the pressure to maximize every parenting moment? Do you parent this way? Or are your kids more ‘free-range’ than that?
Karen Bridson is a journalist, TV producer and author of Stunned: The New Generation of Women Having Babies, Getting Angry and Creating a Mothers’ Movement (HCI, 2009). She blogs at http://angrymamas.blogspot.com She also produces a parenting show for Canadian Public Television.
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10 Comments
L commented on Jun 11 09 at 12:00 pmOn a somewhat related note, I hate it when other mothers seem to think it’s weird that I don’t put my 2 year old in any classes – i.e. swimming, crafts, Mother Goose or whatever. I make sure that my daughter gets lots of activity and stimulation and visits with friends, but I don’t believe that it’s necessary that she has to be in a structured class.
Tracey commented on Jun 11 09 at 12:11 pmI put my kid in classes. But they are for ME! It’s some scheduled time out of the class and he’s entertained. Takes some pressure off me. I do the free classes at local libraries. Easy on the wallet and my nerves.
GP commented on Jun 11 09 at 1:24 pmI think it’s probably “slow parenting” not “slow child” ha ha
Twyla commented on Jun 11 09 at 3:43 pmLove it! This is so true. I have found myself annoyed at the park when my friend suggests we push the kids on the swings. Then the insane amount of guilt cause, dang it, I want to just sit there. Besides how are they ever gonna learn to pump their legs? We did it cause if we didn’t then we just sat on a non-moving swing.
Thanks for speaking the truth!
GP commented on Jun 11 09 at 4:19 pmy’all sound so miserably and dried up…can’t you laugh a little with the kids and also chat with your friend? I was reading the author’s blog and book premise, and she just sounds so…angry (?!) ha…I know that’s her point, but what’s to be so angry about? be happy you have healthy kids and safe places to play, houses to bitch about having to clean and all that
Knitty commented on Jun 11 09 at 6:14 pmSince kids learn as much, if not more, from interactions with their peers than they do with adults, I don’t see why these obsessive mommies can’t just sit down and let the kids play. I’d be a lot more enthused about the whole AP/helicopter parenting style if I saw it producing the delightful darling it promises rather than anxious, bored kids who assume all adults exist to fulfill their every whim and keep them entertained every single moment. Of course, YMMV.
Really, GP: “miserable and dried-up”? Do you have an insult auto-generator for this stuff? People can both be grateful for their blessing and commiserate about things that irk them; we’re able to hold two or more ideas in our heads simultaneously.
Manjari commented on Jun 11 09 at 8:16 pmWhat Knitty said!
Twyla commented on Jun 12 09 at 1:53 amAnd that is why we love Knitty! Well said.
Scott commented on Feb 24 10 at 6:40 amNice to read your post.
I have this weird thing which happens, and I was wondering if you ever get it. Here goes.
I love my daughter, and I always put in a lot of time playing with her. I enjoy doing certain activities, but Ivreally, really struggle with her purely imaginative games, e.g. “Let’s be lions, Daddy.” You know the ones, where you role play some kind of person or animal.
When we play these games (which last at least half an hour), I get this physical reaction of overwhelming tiredness, as though someone has injected pure fatigue into my body. I lose concentration and just feel like sleeping. I constantly watch the clock.
I don’t get it for more structured activities, like making things, drawing things, etc.
During these (frequent) times of thinking “I wish this game of dinosaurs was over!” I feel very guilty. I think, this is my daughter, whom I love more than anything in this world, so why is it that playing with her this moment is the last thing I want to be doing right now?
When these kinds
mystic_eye commented on Feb 25 10 at 5:03 pmScott:
Me TOO. Holy Cow some activities just kill me. I was so glad that my first still loved peek-a-boo when the baby got old enough for it because I just hate it and can only fake it for so long.
I call it the “brain buzz” when you get this overwhelming buzzing in your head which is your body whining to do something else.
So you’re not alone! I think that’s what I want most out of “playing with other kids” be it at the park or in some sort of “class”.
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