Stephen Colbert is currently doing a U.S.O. tour. According to Gawker, the faux pundit “is making history by being the first person in the history of the U.S.O. to film, edit and broadcast a non-news show from an active war zone.” He’s also donating proceeds from iTunes sales of this week’s episodes to the U.S.O. Oh, and they shaved his head. (Video proof is below. Check it out. You know you want to.)

During a broadcast on Comedy Central, President Obama called in to order Colbert’s melon shaved. Colbert resists at first (“Without my hair, what would I blow-dry?”), and the Prez delivers a great line. (“No, but my ears are really that big” — it’ll make sense if you watch the clip.) Video is below.

The more cynical part of my nature wants to be annoyed at all of this tomfoolery while our troops are in danger abroad, and people are losing their homes stateside. On the other hand, the whole thing is very well done, reasonably amusing, and probably great for troop morale. I admit that I can understand how a Conservative/Republican/Whatever could find the whole thing just a bit too precious for words, to put it mildly. But my verdict (and Mr. Colbert was VERY concerned about my opinion) is that it works. Mission accomplished! (Rim shot.) Oh, and I want one of those camoflauge Brooks Brothers suits. Very cool.

Phew! Long first item. Let’s move on.

Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan might be back together! Wow, I can barely muster enough interest in that news to type the sentence. Actually, the only thing I find fascinating about those two is the fact that they are clearly fascinating to someone. Fascinating.

American Idol loser Adam Lambert is officially gay. Well, he came out. He was already gay, I suppose. He says he’s “proud of his sexuality.” I know, it’s not very important to me either. Actually, the fact that he’s on the cover of Rolling Stone is more interesting. I know RS hasn’t been cutting edge for a long time now, but I guess part of me wishes they were. Not something I think about all that often, though.

A submarine that has been lost since 1940 was just found. “The long-lost wreck was missing for 69 years until a team of Swedish and Finnish divers — including Eckerman’s grandson Ingvald — discovered it this year. What remains of the sub was found between the Swedish coast and the Finnish island of Aland, northeast of Stockholm, in late February, the divers announced Tuesday.” I wonder if the warranty is still good?

The Global Language Monitor website says that the English language will reach one million words very, very soon. Perhaps even as you read this sentence. Maybe… now! Feel that? That’s pure English wordy goodness. Ohhhh yeah.

Finally, Roger Federerererer was just sooo tired after winning the French Open that he “dramatically withdrew from the Halle Open tournament on Tuesday.” His exact words (according to CNN) were that he was “overwhelmed and exhausted” after his Paris triumph. All together now — wahhh. Poor widdle Woger is tiwed. (That’s “tired” in baby talk.) Get a grip, dude.

Image: Gawker

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