Birth Film for Traumatized Fathers
The Other Side of the Glass - For more funny movies, click here
Until now, all the important birth films — The Business of Being Born, Orgasmic Birth, Baby Mama — have focused on women’s experiences during pregnancy and labor.
But a Missouri filmmaker has turned her lens on fathers and their babies, who, as this eight-minute clip shows, are having traumatic experiences of their own during birth.
What could possibly compete with the pain of a dilating cervix?
Standing by while their babies and partners are assaulted in the hospital.
Filmmaker L. Janel Martin’s as-yet unfinished The Other Side of the Glass — she’s still looking for funding to complete a full-length film — covers quite a bit of ground: trauma from early cord clamping and being unnecessarily suctioned, etc.; mother’s trauma of being unnecessarily separated from baby; father’s trauma from being unable to do anything about any of it and forced to stand-by while their babies and wives are abused, assaulted and ignored.
“Assualt” is strong language and it’s tempting to dismiss this notion of father’s being traumatized in birth, but for some fathers there is real pain.
One guy, a real estate developer in California, couldn’t bear to stand on the other side of the glass panels, watching a nurse and doctor handle his baby (it’s unclear from the clip what they’re doing).
“I start pounding on the glass and causing a disturbance. I stopped when security came. I’m not the one harming the baby … arrest the doctor … that nurse needs to be shackled.”
Another carried the guilt of having been powerless in the hospital home. And still another — a soldier! — cried because he couldn’t protect his family.
Still another dad talks about how his wailing baby stops when he hears his father’s voice. Cut to a delivery room scene when a nurse dismisses a baby’s screams — “see, you’ll live” — when that baby was so obviously comforted by daddy’s touch, smell, voice, whatever.
If you’ve seen the Business of Being Born or Orgasmic Birth, you’ll recognize a few of the experts in this clip. If The Other Side of the Glass gets made and released, who knows if it will have the impact on the discussion of birth that these films — especially the BoBB – have had.
I hesitate to get behind notions like “birth trauma.” One father at the beginning of the clip — and also a guy who appears to have made a career of birth trauma therapy — seem to link it to all problems or life’s unhappinesses thereafter. That’s a stretch for me.
That said, I would agree with some of the points the clip illustrates about power dynamics in hospital births (parents finding it difficult to assert themselves and be in charge of their own damn babies right from the start) and how fathers have a role of just kind of standing there taking pictures and then asking permission to hold their own kid. I like the idea of father (and mothers) feeling incredibly protective of their newborns — why shouldn’t they?
Also, regarding the birth trauma for babies point of the clip, among my irritations with my hospital birth was how vigorously the nurses rubbed at my daughter to get all that gunk off. She was wailing already (having been taken away from me and sent off to the French fry warmer) and that just seemed like the most unnecessary thing they had to be doing (that and the routine suctioning/nose hosing). I know she had the rest of her baby days to be gently dabbed at with a Downy soft towel, but still. What’s wrong with a little funk on the baby?
Let’s hear it dads and partners? Did you feel helpless and powerless or totally included in your baby’s birth? Would you consider your baby’s suctioning an assault? Did you have to stand on the other side of the glass (do most hospitals still HAVE nurseries?)
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Film: theothersideoftheglassthefilm.blogspot.com
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Tags: baby mama, birth films, birth trauma, business of being born, childbirth, fathers, home birth, hospital birth, orgasmic birth, routine interventions, suctioning, traumatic birth
17 Comments
[...] Birth Film for Traumatized Fathers [...]
Birth Videos on YouTube Abound | Strollerderby commented on Jun 11 09 at 4:01 pm[...] told us about a Birth Film for Traumatized Fathers. (They already made this film. It was called ‘Knocked Up.’) I wrote about this on my [...]
Finish Line - Birth Films, Hunting and The French | Strollerderby commented on Jun 15 09 at 3:03 pm[...] Anti-Hospital Birth Film for Dads [...]
Dads: The New Moms | Strollerderby commented on Jun 20 09 at 3:28 pmChiLaura commented on Jun 10 09 at 5:56 pmI am wife, not dad or partner, but my husband was pretty upset how the hospital staff (nurses, really) treated him like shit. They treated him as sperm donor, nothing more, and acted as if he had no right to be there. And we are married! He’s not my baby daddy; he’s interested in and attentive to what was going on. He didn’t want to let our sons out of his sight when they took the kids away for shots, but he was treated like a weirdo for wanting to follow the kids to wherever it is that they had their shots. I’m all for treating the mother with respect, even giving her primary place, since SHE just pushed the kid out, but I don’t like it that it apparently comes at the expense of respect and courtesy to the father.
Ana Voog commented on Jun 10 09 at 6:17 pm“it’s tempting to dismiss this notion of father’s being traumatized in birth..”
why? why is it tempting to dismiss men’s real feelings?
Courtney commented on Jun 10 09 at 9:05 pmMy husband was treated with respect and consideration at our hospital, and our son was never out of our sight for an instant (my husband followed those nurses everywhere). I will say that I was treated a bit like an appendage while I was trying to figure out breastfeeding, with the nurses just kind of impatiently grabbing my boob and sticking it in my son’s mouth without taking the time to help me get the hang of it myself. Other than that, though, we were treated exactly as we should have been.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Jun 10 09 at 9:55 pmAs a doula, I can’t stress the importance of childbirth education classes enough, preferably done by the hospital you are to birth at. You want someone to walk you through the routines and protocols that are followed, so you can make educated choices to how you, your husband and your baby are to be treated.
PlumbLucky commented on Jun 11 09 at 8:46 amAmen to that Mistress_Scorpio. We attended the pre-birth class at our hospital, and were aware of what practices were in place. Granted, I’ve come to the conclusion that our hospital may not be the norm, and was incredibly new baby/family friendly (i.e. No nursery, our baby left our room exactly twice prior to us being released, hubby held him while baby nurse suctioned his nose and cleaned him up/my nurse helped clean me up, a decent LC on the floor at all times, my nurse who talked me through the first bit of BF-ing while brushing my hair out for me (only thing NOT friendly was that the kitchen closed at 6. Our son was born at night, hadn’t eaten in 24 hrs, I was hungry so hubby ran to Wendy’s!), Mom having to specifically state she wanted formula supplementation, etc.) The only time my husband was unhappy was when they were trying to start an IV in me, and I have crappy veins. It would have been just as bad an IV start if I hadn’t been in the LDRP wing.
ChiLaura commented on Jun 11 09 at 10:25 amTrust me, Mistress_Scorpio, we attended the birth classes, did the hospital tour, everything. Didn’t matter. We followed the hospitals’ routines and protocols but were still treated poorly. Our theory is that we live in a big city where there are a lot of single (not-by-choice) mothers and the nurses are jaded. Also, we’re a mixed race couple (husband darker than me) and can’t help but wonder if that somehow plays a role. And a lot of the nurses were fairly recent immigrants and maybe their home countries train their nurses differently. Granted, just speculation, but we’ve birthed at two different hospitals in the same city and have been treated the poorly at both, especially my husband. Despite our desire and effort to educate ourselves about birth and the hospital, some things, like nurses’ attitudes, are simply beyond our control.
Sheri commented on Jun 11 09 at 11:26 amit is unfortunate that people have these experiences. My husband and I were lucky in that our hospital experience was positive. We had a choice of two local hospitals and toured both. We chose the one we liked the most.
L commented on Jun 11 09 at 12:07 pmWhen my daughter was born and the nurse was showing me how to breastfeed for the first time , she kept shoving my baby’s head down onto my breast, not very gently! I remember being upset about that.
GP commented on Jun 11 09 at 1:20 pmHome birth, people. Home birth. You decide who you let in, and they treat you like gold.
Twyla commented on Jun 11 09 at 4:51 pmIt is so sad to hear people have bad birthing experiences. I had all three of my kids at the same hospital that my sister had both of hers at. Five births and not one bad story to report. They were fabulous! Everyone should have their babies in Southern Oregon.
Brooke commented on Jun 12 09 at 12:18 amI completely understand how these men could feel this way. Luckily I gave birth in a very progressive hospital where my partner held my legs while I gave birth, changed every diaper afterward, helped me to breastfeeding and slept on the floor in my room. My nurses told me this is extremely rare, so maybe there is the perception among hospitals that men want nothing to do with birth or cannot handle it so they along with their feelings get pushed aside. In a culture where men are very quickly picking up their identities as nurtures I can completely understand how these men could feel cheated out of witnessing and being part of the birthing experience.
ChiLaura commented on Jun 12 09 at 10:24 amGP, there is, I believe, only one homebirther in my area. He’s had at least 10 malpractice suits filed against him (when the industry average is about 2.5) and at least 2 fetal deaths on his hands (which have apparently been due to his malpractice, NOT things “just going wrong”). And when we can pay $40 for our entire round of midwife visits AND the actual birth and hospital stay with our insurance, while home birthing costs a minimum of $4000 (insurance won’t cover it)? It’s easy to say “home birth,” but the practical side of it is a whole other story.
mamazee commented on Jun 13 09 at 7:32 pmi’m not my husband, but i can tell you we did the prenatal classes (all lies) by the hospital - we did the “doctor knows best” for three births - the third was so horrific we don’t really talk about it at all. i know he feels very ashamed and guilty that he let the doctor yell swears at me, force me to push in a position that ripped my pelvis apart (literally - i couldn’t walk properly without extreme pain or climb stairs for months - and i had a 2yo and a 4 yo at home, on top of the newborn), force me to sign clipboards for things we had already discussed *during* contractions instead of letting me wait (as i asked ever so politely during labour - honestly… i am meek during labour - i am vulnerable!) - then after the birth, he would not take his hand off the umbilical cord coming out of me - i asked him to stop the cord traction and he *lied* to me as he continued doing it. it was assault in every sense of the word. With #4, my husband said i could do a homebirth, but we ended up moving the day before baby was born, and he tricked me into another hospital birth (we just need to use the phone - our phone service was down) - where i wasn’t allowed to pee unless the doctor could watch (no thanks)… then trapped overnight in the hospital even though i begged to come home. The next baby was a midwife attended waterbirth in a hospital (a hundred times better) - 45 minute drive to the nearest hospital, 15 minutes once we were there - the next two births have been unassisted homebirths. He fills the pool for me and drains it afterward. Plays the cds i want, holds my hand, prays when i ask him to. I don’t have any strangers touching me or my baby. I can catch my own child. He cuts the cord and examines the placenta with the help of a midwife textbook and does the apgars, fills out our forms, weighs baby. I don’t see us ever going back to a hospital birth. i can’t, and i don’t think he can force me to after what he’s seen…
james - popnbottles commented on Jun 15 09 at 9:03 pmI’m tramatized by the film!
okay so my daughter hasn’t been born yet and seeing stuff like this just makes me go bonkers. What can be done NOW? What rights do we have? Our baby will be born in two months. Our insurance is making it affordable to have the baby in the hospital. home birth is not a financial option for us. They didnt cover any of this in the birthing class. I haven’t read about it in the books. Is there a list of things to watch out for? Jesus!If your interested in a fathers point of view check out popnbottles.com dope dad blog.
