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Strollerderby
Motherhood for Men
Today over on Salon, Aaron Traister writes about what it’s like to be a modern stay-at-home mom. Errr, I mean dad, a stay-at-home dad.
Interestingly, his essay, “Dude, Man Up and Start Acting Like a Mom,” captures exactly the emotional roller-coaster ride of a man or woman who decides to be ungainfully employed as the full-time caretaker of the family.
Fraught, people, it’s fraught! When it’s a choice, it’s fun, even rebellious. When it’s forced, it’s depressing, sometimes soul-crushing.
Traister’s essay is meant to give insight into the man’s point of view, but I think a lot of moms can easily relate. Except for the part about being a schmuck (I’m really more of a flake), he described the first few years of my life as a mother perfectly.
His essay describes a common feeling of modern parents of young kids everywhere. We had expectations (our own, our parents’ or even, in Traister’s case, society’s) that we’d simultaneously raise children and have careers and be happy and all that. But circumstances presented themselves — either financial or emotional or both — and we found ourselves walking away from a job (or in Traister’s case, walking away from job hunting) and fixing breakfast for three every morning.
What do you think? Is Traister just being a big baby, when he starts going online all day and stops making dinner every night? Any stay-at-home dads relate to this? What about moms — surely I’m not the only one who can relate.
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Image: Salon
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4 Comments
[...] Motherhood For Men [...]
Birth Film for Traumatized Fathers | Strollerderby commented on Jun 10 09 at 4:23 pm[...] on that most sacred of mothering territory — stay-at-home parenting. Then going and bitching about the problem with no name! (Depression over financial dependence on your spouse — get in line, [...]
Dads: The New Moms | Strollerderby commented on Jun 20 09 at 3:25 pmCourtney commented on Jun 09 09 at 4:48 pmI can certainly relate. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted (I’m 6 mos pregnant and chasing a 14 month old around). Many days, I don’t have the time or energy to get to all the laundry or have dinner ready when my husband gets home, and I’m usually torn about how I feel about that. I feel like just because I’m home with the baby doesn’t mean that I should be saddled with all the chores, and days when I do get a chance to really clean are usually rainy or cold ones, where I don’t have the option of finding something more fun and enriching for my son to do. Even during nap time, when i could conceivably be working on household chores, I find I really need that down-time to eat and rest a bit. My husband even agrees with me on this. Still, I just can’t get past the guilt that I was home all day and the laundry pile is still growing, the dishes are still waiting to be unloaded, and dinner is a last minute collaboration.
Manjari commented on Jun 10 09 at 10:44 pmI can relate to Traister’s essay and to Courtney’s comment.
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