I find the public opening of presents to be crass. It also raises the possibility of competition in gift giving.

If you aren’t opening the presents before the giver, the appropriate way to thank him is to send a thank you note. A young child can contribute a drawing and sign her name to the card.

Why bring up that your child is an only child? You are always so keen to make it clear that you made this choice and think it best for your family. (And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having only one child.) But it is not anyone else’s job to set up situations where your daughter learns to share. That’s your job, not the responsibility of other families celebrating their child’s birthday.

JJ – I don’t expect everyone else to provide lessons for her because she’s an only child. I expect people to show a little class and help other kids experience the joy of giving not just receiving. Bringing up her only child status isn’t ramming it down people’s throats, it’s anecdotal.

KM – totally with you on the one-year-old not opening gifts. Very young children don’t really “get” it anyway. The parties I’m referring to were for older kids – four, five . . .

We have the kids open the gifts during the party. I put a lot of effort in to birthday gifts and I like to know if the child liked it. I figure that others do the same. Especially for grandparents who have traveled to come to the party.

The thing that drives me nutty is the announcements during the gift opening from adults, “I put the gift receipt in the box if she doesn’t like it.” Like I’m going to yell out in response, “Thanks. Cause this gift blows.” Do it in private or put it in the card.

I too find it strange and a bit annoying when the presents go unopened…. There is something really lovely about kids getting excited about the recipient opening the special present they either made, helped to pick out, helped wrap, etc that is taken away…..I was at a friend’s party recently who I think did a great job with the whole present thing, as each guest came she let her son open their present and thank them…. It was nice for the people on both sides- he got to open each one, and connect the gift with the giver.

I have never been to a no present party nor have I ever been to a party where the kid does not open the presents. How are kids supposed to learn to be tactful. I talk to my kids before their birthday about present opening manners. So what if a kid says they already have it? Adults need to be able to understand that kids say whatever they are thinking. Parents can use that time to teach their kids what is appropriate to say.
I have my kids open their presents while the other partiers are eating cake. Two birds, one stone.

my daughter has only had one birthday party, and i have only been to one birthday party (besides hers) so far. both were obviously first birthdays, and we did presents at both. my cousins daughter did help open most of the presents, but at my daughters birthday party I ended up opening all of her presents because she had no intrest in them what-so-ever. and i felt sort of awkward sitting there opening presents that were not really for me. However i never knew there was an option to not open presents. i have never been to a party where presents were given, and not opened in front of everyone. but i am defiently not going to have her open her presents at the party this year.

I wouldn’t allow my child to open presents in front of a crowd until she can reliably produce a thank you and a credible fake smile, because regrettably, what other people think she wants and what she actually wants are not always in sync. The other thing to consider is that while it’s very sweet of people to give gifts they think are wonderful, the thrilling game of today is the basketful of gnawed, stickerless, unidentifiable plastic bits of tomorrow, and frankly I’d rather edit those sorts of things out before they make it to my kid. Not sure why is this is seen as lacking class — I have plenty of class: working class.