babble » blogs » Strollerderby
Strollerderby
Study Says: Want to Keep the Dad Around? Don’t Marry Him.
Wanna keep your baby daddy around after the kid comes? Don’t marry him, or at least that’s the conclusion of a study by researchers at the University of Maryland.
Actually the blessed union isn’t the deal breaker; it’s just not effective for keeping the guy around. Traditional wisdom said that if a couple got pregnant, marrying the man was the best way to keep him in the picture. However; according to this study wedding vows aren’t a terribly effective motivator for keeping Mr. Man put. What does commit a man to mother and child is involving him during the critical months of pregnancy. The more involved he is in the preparation for the baby (shopping, birthing classes, etcetera) the more likely he’ll build that emotional attachment to you and the baby. This is something a piece of paper declaring you both married won’t necessarily do.
But is their more to the story? Could a “shotgun wedding” actually do harm to a parenting relationship? A forced commitment rather than an organically developed one may sour the deal for some guys. Sadly, we’re trudging into a lot of male stereotypes. Does marriage put undue pressure on a parenting arrangement? Are men so spooked by marriage the “threat” of it will drive them away, even from their own kids? Are men happier to take accept their parenting responsibility than marriage responsibility? Is the thought of marriage to a man more frightening than fatherhood?
More Neat Stuff:
Creepy Old Japanese Pregnant Dolls (with Attached Creepy Fetus Dolls!)
WATCH: Man Drinks Daughter’s Breast Milk to Cure Cancer
6 Reasons Why it Sucks to Be a Kid Today
8 “PG” Movies Way Too Scary for Kids
Go Back To Strollerderby
2 Comments
elohveeee1012 commented on Jun 04 09 at 5:42 pmmy fiance is fine with either. but we ended up with the baby first. and since we arent getting married until next year, second too. He never really had a problem with it we just never got around to it. but we also planned on having a baby, so i didnt expect him to leave either way.
TolaniLucia commented on Jun 05 09 at 9:40 amI call my man my “husband”. We are not married but have been together and committed for 12 years. We welcomed our first child just before our 11th anniversary. He has been very, very involved. I can say that many of my married friend’s men have not been as involved and some are completely disengaged. I do not know what that is about. I do know that marriage is not what keeps people around. Love is. And love and marriage are not the same thing. Where as for some marriage is a wonderful thing I think that it gives people in poorly foundationed unions a false sense of security. The vows people say to each other are not magic spells. If the people do not truly feel deeply for each other then the vows are a pointless conversation like any other. Marriage would do nothing for our relationship. It is solid where it stands. The tax break is looking pretty nice though these days. Perhaps Vegas is in our future. Who knows.
Add your take:
Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions,
but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
Joslyn Gray 
Amber Doty 
Julianna Miner 
Monica Bielanko 
Sierra Black 
Meredith Carroll 
Carolyn Castiglia 
Sunny Chanel 
Madeline Holler 
Wendy Michaels 
Rebecca Odes 
Danielle Smith 
Danielle Sullivan 
Katherine Stone 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
2