MomCrunch
Behold the Weird: Bloggers Share Their Search Terms
As a blogger you know firsthand that the internet is full of weirdos. If you ever once had your doubts, a peek at your site’s referring search terms will confirm it.
I find my blog’s search terms to be as fascinating as they are disturbing, and like an episode of Jersey Shore, I simply cannot look away.
My Top Cringe-Worthy Search Terms
• “Mom %$#@ my friend” – Yikes. Poor you and get off my site.
• “Dirty mommy cartoons” – Hmm, my husband should put that on his resume. Get off my site.
• “Teenage girl wants mommy’s friend” - Disturbing and illegal. Get off my site.
• “My secret sexy sexy sexy toys” – One “sexy” was enough. Get off my site.
• “My mom’s friends are hot” – Thanks for the 411. Get off my site.
• “Group sex success stories” – Good luck with that. Get off my site.
My Top Giggle-Worthy Search Terms
• “Afraid of baby’s floppy necks” – Me too!
• “Lori Garcia is only funny sometimes” – Agreed.
• “Mommyfriend has secret children” – OMG for reals?
• “Pink bitch wagon with sparkles” – I don’t know what that is but I think I want one.
• “I have 4 nipples” – Geez, you don’t have to brag.
• “My mother-in-law practices witchcraft on me” – OK, now I’m interested.
I asked Babble readers for their most hilarious/disturbing/interesting search terms and the replies were wicked awesome. Check ‘em out!
"mom sexy"
"people without earlobes"
@efloraross via Twitter The Writer Revived
[Photo credit: Shutterstock]
Your turn! Share your weirdest search terms in the comments below!
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15 Comments
Kim@Amommaly commented on Feb 20 12 at 2:05 pm“Name of legless patriot in wheelchair”
“Naked pirates”
“Mom son store f$%k”
Elizabeth commented on Feb 20 12 at 2:48 pmHilarious! Although some of these search terms are freaking me out…
Hillary commented on Feb 20 12 at 3:08 pmOh my gosh! I am laughing out loud right now and just peed a little :) Great stuff Lori!
Marian commented on Feb 20 12 at 4:13 pmmine included “breastfeeding porn” and “toddler broken arm cast leaning over couch” and “little girl doll porn.” nothing pornographic on my site, friends! it was so disturbing that i took the posts down. all of them.
now, the most common search term leading to my blog is “cougar poem.” *guffaw*
Sunshine commented on Feb 20 12 at 4:16 pmhee hee, you said “wicked awesome!!” you must be from Maine!!
(sorry, completely off-topic, but I couldn’t resist) <3
mommyfriend commented on Feb 20 12 at 4:33 pmHi Sunshine, I’m a native CA girl but I have a wicked appreciation for the expression!
AmyBeth Inverness commented on Feb 20 12 at 8:21 pmAfter getting hits every day for people searching “Inverness Porn” I titled a blog post “Inverness Porn” then created a piece of word art that said “BOOBS!”
I dedicated the post to breast cancer awareness, including the slogan “Feel your boobies!”
Of course, this hasn’t slowed down the weird search terms, but I like to think it gives them something to think about lol!
Dana K commented on Feb 20 12 at 9:25 pmSome Of these are hilarious…some would make me want to close my blinds & HIDE! Thanks for including me!
Erik commented on Feb 21 12 at 10:03 amNow I know where to find that Inverness porn I’ve been searching for all this time! Btw: hilarious post all the way around:)
Rachel Blaufeld commented on Feb 21 12 at 4:46 pm‘too ass i enough’
I don’t even pretend to make sense of that
Jowita B. commented on Feb 21 12 at 4:56 pmI just wrote about this on my blog last week. Here it goes:
http://theydonttellyou.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/lego-timeout-hat-toddler-pasta-and-tattoo-kid-and-sixteen-jones/1. The first one is “Yolandi Visser”
2. “LEGO” Everyone loves Lego and looks for Lego. By the way, has anyone seen the Girl Lego with their own eyes yet? I just saw it in a toy store. It’s ridiculous. And I want it. But it’s ridiculous. Although I want it. But I hate it. Okay, I admit it, I used to paint eyelashes on Lego girls with a magic marker. There.
3. “time out hat” This one made me laugh even though it’s a horrible concept. Is there such thing as a timeout hat? Like a Dunce cap, right? You sit your kid in the chair and you put a timeout hat on him/her? Great parenting skills – why don’t you write “I’m a fucking asshole” on his forehead while you at it? Who’s looking for timeout hats on line, seriously?
4. “toddler pasta” Yup, I get it. That’s actually (really) what I look for online most of the time: Recipes for foods that toddler person will eat. I’ve just debuted my first recipe (combined with amazing food photography by yours truly) so I’m not surprised people are looking to find food on this blog. But this is probably a mistake. Less of a mistake than a timeout hat but still a bit of a mistake. (By the way, I’m a fan of Sneaky Chef. Because I’m a chronic liar and lying to my kid is nice. Especially if it’s for his own good.)
5. “tattoo kid” Like, how to tattoo your kid or looking for kids with tattoos? Why is anybody looking for this so aggressively (and not just one person!)? Why can’t they just look for timeout hats instead?
Mrs. Mom commented on Feb 21 12 at 8:47 pmThis is hilarious! What posts did you write that referred people to your site with those search terms!!!
Rebecca commented on Feb 22 12 at 2:11 pmMona Lisa Cat – and yes I do have the image of a cat dressed like Mona Lisa on my blog, Beccarama.com. So, be careful what you put on your blog!
Leslie commented on Feb 23 12 at 4:33 pmTeen plastic pants. Yikes.
Sadie commented on Apr 22 12 at 11:56 pmI *just* wrote a post about this! http://slapdashmom.com/how-in-the-seriously-google-wtf/
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