MomCrunch
Social Media During A Crisis: Why We Share Online Mid-Event
In January I was in the office of a brand-new huge client when my phone rang. It was my mother’s doctor, saying that she was extremely ill and was refusing to go to the hospital. Could I come and reason with her and try to get her to an ER?
What I did next will surprise no one in the online community. I sent out a tweet, saying “S**T! My mom is sick on my first day working here!” Then I told my boss, packed up my computer, and went to my mom’s doctor. Throughout that day and night and the ER, I updated my Twitter and Facebook pages often.
Why? There are a million reasons, but the first one I want to stress is this: even in the midst of a horrible, horrible crisis there is a HUGE amount of time spent, simply, WAITING. Ten years ago, that waiting time would have been spent calling family and loved ones. But today? The fastest way to reach those family members and friends is online. And? A massive number of those friends are online “only” friends, if you’re a blogger.
Janice of 5 Minutes For Mom (and, of course, MomCrunch) said it best in her post about this regarding the reactions to Monica Bielanko writing about her recent fire.
Have you ever had unexpected tragedy rip through your world, leaving you stunned and helpless. I have. I have stood there, a bystander to my own life unraveling. And you can’t do anything.
It wasn’t like the firefighters were handing her one end of a fire house and saying, “Come on lady — get off Twitter! We need you to put out this fire!”
No. She was watching, helpless from her family’s car. And she called out three short sentences to her friends. She expressed herself in her language, in her world, in her community.
I think the key point is, indeed, this: the fireman were not asking her to help put out the fire. In the ER, when your kid is sick, and the doctors kick you out of the room for a procedure, and there is no nearby shoulder for you to cry on, why would you NOT reach out to the virtual shoulder that’s available to you? When my mom was taken away for a scan and I wasn’t allowed to be with her, why on earth was it bad to reach out and say to my friends, “I’m really scared, we don’t know what’s wrong, please pray for her” on Twitter?
I think, ultimately, that the heart of the issue is simply this: there are people who think that NOTHING should be shared online. Those people will never think it’s okay to tweet during a crisis. There will be no convincing them differently. But I do know this, in my heart; the massive upswell of support that I and my mother received when she was sick in January, the huge amount of prayers sent up by the online community, are part of why she got better. I absolutely believe in the power of community, and my community? Is online.
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12 Comments
Blackgirlinmaine commented on Jan 08 12 at 11:48 amNothing wrong with it at all, in this new digital world it makes sense. How often do we pick up the phone and call someone? In many ways it’s a lot more efficient and supportive to just get online and share. I think only those who are anti-online sharing in any form are the ones who judge this.
Desiree commented on Jan 08 12 at 11:58 amYou and Janice said exactly what was on my heart but couldn’t articulate. Thanks for this.
drhoctor2 commented on Jan 08 12 at 5:20 pmI don’t have much of a problem with people getting on line and discussing problems in real time however, in your case ? You were on all day and I well remember thinking to myself how awful it must be for the doctors involved to have to put up with every half baked suggestion you got from the internet. You crowd sourced pulling the plug, dumped a ton of private medical info and personal details about your mother without her permission . I assume she has no knowledge of that to this day. I restrained myself from mentioning to you that , really, maybe you should pull up with the details and agonizing over a DNR in public because it seemed to be an actual crisis and I didn’t feel you should be burdened with a critique. I did then, and now, feel it was highly inappropriate for you to lay all that info out when you could have been texting and DM’ing your friends instead. Even that is a bit odd when I think of you and others , in crisis, ignoring the people with you to bury your faces in your phones or computers. How can you be there for other members of your family when you’re obsessed with your “community ” ? Who is there for them ? How many times do you brush off people in order to see what the internet thinks you should ask the doctor ? Why do I even KNOW about your mothers’ health situation ? She did not make that info public and she did not agree that you should.
I often wish someone close to you would head off the hysteria you indulge in. For example, how on earth could “community support” for YOU affect your mother’s physical health ? That tendency towards hyperbole is a near constant in your writing and interactions with people online and does not serve you well.
Radha Cole commented on Jan 08 12 at 6:44 pmSorry, but if what is said about Monica is true — that she had to pull her daughter out of a flaming room — I do not in any way understand how you can get on Twitter while the crisis is happening. When all you have left is your husband, your two kids, your two dogs and your car, how you can get on Twitter and tweet about your possessions going up in flames? As your home burns, don’t you hug and comfort your family, and thank whoever or whatever that you are all alive…not whip out the smartphone or laptop to notify the “community”?
And in those three “short sentences,” Monica made two direct mentions about possessions, but not one “My family is safe.”
I am an active user of Facebook and Twitter and I’m in my early 40s, about 500 friends/followers on each. However, during my dad’s two health crises in the last two years, my social media use would only extend to a general Facebook update once I had gotten home after a long day at the hospital. (“Dad had a good day,” “It was a tough day, he spiked a fever,” etc.)
It never even crossed my mind, when we got “that call” in the middle of the night, to tweet something like “OMG out the door 3am hospital just called Dad might not make it through the night.”
I hope we as a society are not headed down that kind of road, because that would be appalling.
Backpacking Dad commented on Jan 08 12 at 10:13 pmJesus would have live-tweeted the crucifiction. I think we can all agree on that.
Shannon commented on Jan 09 12 at 1:11 amWould Jesus have also taken his own passive aggressive commentary to Twitter? Or is that exclusive to the, ”professional writers” employed by Babble?
It strikes me as the height of unprofessional to indirectly address comments made here on another forum. But then again, I would never in one million years discuss in-depth the on-going medical problems of an adult (along with shredding her personally because, ”OMG SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND TELEVISION SHOWS”) with a career in the public sector. Apparently voicing any concern over someone else’s right to privacy, even in a crisis, is now concern trolling. Good to know; I look forward to being further educated on this matter. On Twitter.
Lori Randall Stradtman commented on Jan 09 12 at 11:18 amI completely empathize with your desire to share online during your crisis. It’s human nature to want moral support, to feel feel connected, during a terrible ordeal. Well said!
Christina Gleason @ Cutest Kid Ever commented on Jan 09 12 at 11:33 amI don’t know what I would have done without the support of my friends online when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I told my dad about all of the prayers he had coming his way from people all around the world, and he truly believes that it was the power of prayer that helped him into remission. (He wants to start his own blog about the experience, actually.) I’ve talked with my family about what I share online, and I’m sure other bloggers have, as well. I know my family was always asking me how many more people on the Internet I’d gotten to pray for my dad while he was going through chemo – they embraced the sharing.
As for tweeting during a fire, etc. It takes maybe 10 seconds to send out a tweet. I doubt she was pushing her husband and kids away in order to tweet. I know, myself, I’ve tweeted something, slipped my phone back into my pocket, and turned to my husband for a much-needed hug. Looking for support online and offline are not mutually exclusive.
Tarasview commented on Jan 09 12 at 11:41 amI so agree! Well said Cecily. I think perhaps some don’t understand the depth of relationship we have formed with our online community. Granted I don’t feel that way about everyone on my twitter feed but with one tweet I can reach more of my “kindred spirits” than I ever could before social media came along.
Many years ago- when I was 15- my mom had a heart attack. My mom was a single mom and I was an only child. I was alone in the hospital waiting room while the doctors were with my mom. I was ALONE. It was before the days of internet and cell phones. I can’t even begin to tell you what access to Facebook or twitter would have meant to me in that moment. I spent 15 hours alone that night waiting until my grandma could arrive from out of town to be with me. I wasn’t in danger. The nurses were watching out for me. My mom’s boyfriend watched out for me. But I was alone. And scared. I would have never been that alone if I had been able to reach out through twitter to my community.
I have nothing but love and understanding for people who reach out during a crisis. It is the cry of our hearts during our panic- someone please help me, please be with me, tell me I am not alone. I am scared and I need to know that someone knows that I am here.
And that is ok. It is not selfish. It is a lifeline and a sanity saver.
And such a wonderful blessing!!
Elly commented on Jan 09 12 at 12:18 pmTweet whatever you want. Don’t tweet what you don’t want to tweet. It’s my choice to follow you/read you/friend you (general you). I have unfollowed people because what they were tweeting/fbing had a tendency to make me uncomfortable, that seems to be the logical response. When I had a blood clot when I was pregnant and I was terrified and was having trouble dealing with the treatment and what it could mean (and although my husband was amazingly supportive we had 2 children already and he was going through the fire academy so his cup was overflowing too), it was amazingly helpful to have so many people help lift me up. People that I know IRL and those that I’ve never met, and those I first met online who have gone on to become IRL friends were all there for me. I am sure if I didn’t have that support I would have sunk into a terribly deep depression.
alisha commented on Jan 10 12 at 5:21 ami couldn’t agree more. i have a life that happens to have a lot of crisis. it gets tweeted, fb’d, blogged…because a life with a lot of crisis sometimes needs a lot of love. comments from friends i know online have sometimes been the only time i smiled that day, during long hospitalizations and surgeries and watching my partner suffer and our family be brought to its knees again. and anyone that wants to judge me or you or anyone else for that matter for that can go suck it.
shaken commented on Jan 15 12 at 5:12 pmI think that people with constant “drama” illness, money, relationship, parenting, job then more money issue have the NEED to keep people updated because its the need for attention and constant attention i have friends IRL who i would share anyting with. Facebook and Twitter…are not
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