MomCrunch
When You Want To Be Her…
It has been one of those days. And at midnight, it is still not over.
I am exhausted, overwhelmed and discouraged. I try to catch up with my inbox, my workload, my parenting duties, but as soon as I am finished one task, three more fill its place.
I look up from my chaos and wonder how they are doing it? Why can’t I get as much done in a day as she does? Why can’t I write as fast, stay as focused, be as successful?
What am I doing wrong?
Jealousy swirls around me, threatening to take over. I want the job she just landed, I want the traffic she gets, I want the income she makes.
Susan phones and I unload my stress on her, “I just can’t get everything done!!! I feel like such a failure — why can they get so much more done in a day then I can?!?”
After I dump out paragraphs of frustrations and fears, Sue starts to talk, to bring me back to reality.
And as she talks, I begin to write this post in my head — because I want to let you know that we all feel overwhelmed and hopeless at times.
This parenting gig is hard enough, but then we add in being entrepreneurs, bloggers, writers, business women. Some days it can be too much. Some days it feels like everyone else is handling the stress better than we are.
But the truth is it is hard for every one of us.
And considering that most of us are over-achievers and perfectionists, driven to succeed, not just for the sake of success but because it is our instinct, we are in a constant state of pushing ourselves.
Some of us have more support at home than others. Some of us have additional health challenges that complicate our lives. But none of us has it easy.
There is no easy.
So, when you look at “her” and see her success, her perfect life, her endless energy — let me tell you the truth. Let me bring you some of “her” reality.
- She has worked for months, sometimes years, without pay — promising her husband that one day it will be worth it, while she pushes down her fears that he might be right.
- She has worked all night long, while the rest of her world slept.
- She has felt overwhelmed and exhausted. She has been tempted to quit.
- She has been sure that she is the only one struggling and failing. She has looked enviously upon others’ success.
- She has felt torn and guilty as she juggles motherhood and work. She has questioned whether she is making the right choices.
- She has earned every penny and more that she will ever make — and she deserves all of her success.
Yes, she is the same as you. She has pushed through the same challenges and emotions. And she still is.
But you know the best part? When she succeeds, we ALL succeed!
Because, each time a blogger is respected, recognized, and compensated fairly, that opens opportunities for other bloggers — for you!
So, when you feel jealous or even bitter, remember that she has sacrificed more than anyone on the outside will ever know — and that her success means success for the entire community.
At times, we all feel jealous, we all feel frustrated, we all want more. It is normal.
But we don’t have to stay there.
We can celebrate her accomplishments, respect her sacrifices, and move forward with our own success.
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56 Comments
Jessica New Fuselier commented on Sep 14 11 at 5:59 amThank you for writing this! I needed this… And I can’t believe that you ever feel like this a day in your life! : ) From my side of the fence you seem to be super human! But I guess that’s the whole point of the article, right???
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 14 11 at 6:22 amYes – that was one reason I wanted to write it. I think that people see some of us bloggers and think we ARE superwomen, and we have this gig done no problem. BUT the truth is there is so much work, so much stress and so many sacrifices. And, we too feel the jealousy. It is normal.
I am SO thrilled for my successful social media friends, but sure, a part of me wants what they have too! But, I just have to put that thought out of my head and focus on how much she deserves it and even how good it is for the entire community!
Susan and I are exhausted and functioning in (usually happy) chaos. And there are great moments and very dark moments too.
Stacy Uncorked commented on Sep 14 11 at 6:55 amI love this. It really puts what so many of us are feeling into concise perspective. And it confirms that all you awesome superstars are truly human – the good kind. ;)
Toni commented on Sep 14 11 at 7:39 amJanice,
Thanks for addressing this. I’m a saddened to see so much jealousy in the blogging community.There is room for everyone to succeed and we often do not know how hard another person has worked to achieve their goals.
As a community we need to come together to support each other. I hope your post inspires people to celebrate other’s successes instead of resenting them!
Toni
Melody commented on Sep 14 11 at 8:46 amWonderful post! I’m reading a book right now that talks about this on the mom side of things, feeling jealous of other’s parenting skills and how they seem to have it all together.
I remind myself every day that I love where my blog is at. It’s still at a manageable level that I’m able to interact with all my readers, but I also have enough traffic to actually have readers that comment on a consistent basis. I would love to grow, but of course that comes with sacrificing some of the most personal elements.
I posted just yesterday a picture of my kitchen after I was running late for a meeting, just to answer that question I get all the time “How do you manage to squeeze it all in one day?”. Sometimes I just don’t. :)
Susan Kienlen commented on Sep 14 11 at 9:00 amThank you for writing this. It so hit home after my day yesterday. I need to remember what you expressed so well. I feel like I am the only one sometimes cause people don’t always say this stuff.
gertie @ The Old Block House commented on Sep 14 11 at 10:37 amA little envy is good – it means you’ve got a carrot to chase.
As for me, I’m exhausted with an online shop, two booths at the antique mall, picking, auctioning, housekeeping, mothering two boys (one with Aspergers adjusting to high school and the other with borderline personality disorder and working on his GED), and chauffering up to five trips a day for atleast 15 minutes each way. Oh, I forgot to mention diy-ing and blogging.
Today, I’m off to help out at a local school cafeteria as they are short handed. I love seeing all those little smiling faces!
gertie @ The Old Block House
Robin @ Farewell, Stranger commented on Sep 14 11 at 11:18 amGreat reminder. And you’re right – no one has it all together. I certainly don’t. ;)
CrystalC2b commented on Sep 14 11 at 12:10 pmOh Janice, Thank you!
This is just the inspiration I needed to keep going, even when I start to wonder just WHY I got into the whole blogging ‘thing’
Much love to you!
Justice Fergie commented on Sep 14 11 at 12:44 pmAmen Janice! AMEN!!!
Justice Fergie commented on Sep 14 11 at 12:46 pmClearly we’re on the same wavelength these days! http://blogs.babble.com/momcrunch/2011/09/07/in-the-still-of-the-night-mom-bloggers-at-work/
Leah Segedie commented on Sep 14 11 at 1:03 pmThis is SO INCREDIBLY TRUE! Preach it girlfriend! XXOO
Kris Cain commented on Sep 14 11 at 1:50 pmAwesome post honey. And so, so true. We all have those moments don’t we? I have them every other day. Yesterday, I felt accomplished… I was getting things done. Today? I have no clue where to start and I just want to sleep!!
Hang in there. You know that you are awesome. :0)
((HUGS)))
Love you!
Kris
gigi commented on Sep 14 11 at 1:54 pmLove this, Janice. I have many of the nights (and days) you describe. Between trying to start a business of my own, keeping up my personal blog, parenting and working several gigs for other people, it gets really hard some days. I’m only now just starting to see the fruits of my 18 months of labor. My question to you is, does it ever get easier? :)
Michele McGraw (ScrappinMichele) commented on Sep 14 11 at 1:54 pmJanice – You hit the nail on the head. I have felt this way so many times and I can’t begin to tell you how often I have “quit.” Thank you for writing what most of us have been thinking!!!
Raul commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:00 pmJan
THIS.
Oh dear God. SO….THIS!
A lot of people ask me how I do everything I do, mixing academia with my personal blog. And I feel the jealousy. And sometimes I feel like you, overwhelmed.
And then I realize… Yes, it’s true. When I succeed, and I am recognized, other fellow bloggers are implicitly recognized. The reverse is true.
We all succeed when one of us succeeds. We should be a community.
Love this post, love the work you and Sue so and love that we are all part of the same community.
Much love
Raul
Alexandra commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:07 pmI hate jealousy.
It’s ugly.
I won’t live in it.
Jeniffer Smith commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:08 pmThis is just the post I needed to hear today! Thank you!
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:11 pmYes. Yes. 1000 times yes. This is exactly what I’ve been feeling and struggling with for weeks. I all too often feel that no matter how hard I work, I’m never going to get ahead. It’s great to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with this.
selfish Mom commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:12 pmI REALLY needed this post today. Thank you.
Kristin @ What She Said commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:21 pmGreat post! And I agree with – and can relate to – every single one of those points… except one. I have never stayed up all night working on my blog, and I honestly can’t see myself doing so. I value sleep too much. When I don’t sleep, I’m no good to anyone – my employer, my family, or myself. For the sake of my physical and emotional well-being, I will not allow myself to stay up all night spinning my wheels on my blog. And that’s really all I’d be doing at that hour anyway – spinning my wheels. I doubt I’d be very productive at anything in the middle of the night. ;)
Otherwise, I can relate to all of it. The frustration, the jealousy, feeling overwhelmed, wanting to quit… I’ve been there.
Kelly @ Mom Got Blog commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:33 pmThis post is perfectly written and timed just right for me to read!! It is great to see I am not alone in any of these feelings!! I am struggling with many of them right now…especially the one where promising hubs it will all be worth it in the end ( I mean I QUIT my job to do this full time!!). But then I read this and to me it means I must be on the right path…for if the path was easy, the accomplishments would not feel as sweet, right?
Thank you!
Krista commented on Sep 14 11 at 2:42 pmOh, I needed to read this post today…
Ana L. Flores commented on Sep 14 11 at 5:15 pmAnd why did I feel the need to cry while reading this??!! I have so been there..the whole exhausted, overwhelmed, ready-to-quit {or, mandarlo pa’l carajo as we say}, yearning for more, for it all to happen right now! And then I look back at how much every single moment of exhaustion, fear and guilt has had it’s opposite moment of joy, victory and feeling of being proud of myself.
Nothing that comes to us easy or for free tastes the same than when you’ve earned it. Nor does it taste the same if you’re not willing to share it and mentor others.
You are someone I look up to, Janice, and I’m blessed to call you my friend.
Maytal commented on Sep 14 11 at 5:49 pmNicely written. The thought of the overwhelming stress, the endless to do list, the pressure to succeed, it all comes down to wanting it enough, doing it for ourselves, our little goals, take them step by step and just remember to breath. :) it’s all going to pay off.
Stephanie Barnett commented on Sep 14 11 at 7:07 pmJust a wanted to share that this was such a timely post for me. It’s been “one of those days”. Thanks.
Sara commented on Sep 14 11 at 9:04 pmI agree wholeheartedly!! Thanks SO much for this. I also agree with Toni. We should all remember that if we promote each other’s blogs we are promoting our own as well. And let go of the jealousy. And yes I am way guilty of it too. I can’t understand how others get SO much done and I seem to get nothing done. It is SO frustrating sometimes!
Salena Lee @ A Little Piece of Me commented on Sep 14 11 at 10:08 pmThank you so much for writing this. This is me, nothing else to it. I do feel that when my blog sisters succeed that I do as well. We support each other and it’s nice to know I am not alone. I need to remind myself that I cannot do it all and to take things into perspective.
LoryKC commented on Sep 14 11 at 10:14 pmPerfect timing for this post. Thank you ever so much!
Em @ And Nothing Else Matters commented on Sep 14 11 at 10:25 pmI love this! I was thinking along similar lines the other day. http://nothingelsematters-em.blogspot.com/2011/09/support-sisterhood.html
Anne Parris (@notasupermom) commented on Sep 14 11 at 10:29 pmThis is great to read. I think jealousy between professional woman is worse than any glass ceiling the Old Boy Network constructs.
Women can be like crabs in a bucket: if one tries to rise, the others pull it back down.
My mom won a discrimination case in the 80′s where a much less qualified man was promoted over her. The main reason is that the other women didn’t want a woman in charge.
We need to stop being jealous and celebrate when another hard-working woman succeeds.
There’s enough work out there for everyone who hustles.
Heather @ Coffee Break Mom commented on Sep 15 11 at 6:33 amAWESOME Post! I think we all need this reality check from time to time. I am sharing this and the other one above! VERY well said! : )
Dainty Mom commented on Sep 15 11 at 9:54 amI needed this post. Sigh. (Even as I write this, I’m working, working, working!)
Don’t get me wrong; I love the way my life is now. I mean, it’s much better than it was a year ago, when I was down and unhappy with my work and my family situation. But, thank God, I got out of that, began working from home, and moved to a new town and new home. It’s not yet perfect, but I’m happy as I can be–for now.
Still, I’d love to be able to work less and just “be” more. I’d like to be able to write a children’s book inspired by my son. I’d like my husband and I to finally pursue that dream of opening up a creative arts cafe for families. I’m waiting for a number of breakthroughs to happen, but for now, I’ll be grateful that we finally managed to pay off our debts, get our own car, and that we have flexible work hours so we can spend time with our son whenever we’d like.
I try not to get jealous, but I do fail many times. When those moments of envy try to steal me away from the good in my life, I have to remind myself to be grateful. I have to remind myself to be happy where I am while still keeping my eye on my dreams, never losing sight of them but never letting the frustration of unmet expectations weigh me down.
Thanks again for saying what’s inside of many of us! Knowing that we’re all in the same boat makes the journey so much lighter! :)
Married to a Trep commented on Sep 15 11 at 11:20 amThank you. Great timing, great insight, great motivation.
Barbie commented on Sep 15 11 at 7:22 pmI so appreciate this article. Sometimes I do look at those who appear to have it all together and wonder how on earth they accomplish it all. But in my heart, I know they have struggles as do I. It’s hard to balance family and blogging. For me, I also work full time and am actively involved in ministry at my church. I constantly have to pray and ask the Lord for wisdom or I get unbalanced, and most of the time, it’s my family that suffers. And you are right, there is room in this big world of blogging for everyone. No one can give the perspective that you can, and, at the same time, no one can bring what I bring. I want to spur others on to be successful and by doing so, I am successful!
kristin commented on Sep 15 11 at 11:55 pmIn tears, this is exactly how I feel. But I’m dealing with it from the inside.
Very well said, thank you. You took the words right from my heart.
Beth B. (TechMama) commented on Sep 16 11 at 12:08 amThis is such a wonderful piece – great insight. We need more pieces like this (not that we have any time to write more:-). Big Hugs to you!! I totally agree – we will all succeed to greater lengths if we support each other and just compare yourself to your own goals. And sometimes let ourselves feel frustrated that we can’t do it all (because we can’t as parents!!).
Cat Davis - Food Family Finds commented on Sep 16 11 at 12:17 amOh my goodness, I’ve so been there, heck, I’m there right now. The end of the week always ends with a culmination of a week’s worth of failure, success, stress, disappointment, celebration and so much more.
Caryn B commented on Sep 16 11 at 2:12 amYou wrote exactly what I needed at this moment….Thank you so much Janice….so much….I cried when I read this but it’s the season of life I’m in right now…
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 2:21 amThank you Stacy for the feedback! It is incredible how we all are often feeling the very same things!
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 2:28 amYes Toni – you are so right! It is sad when jealousy weakens our fabulous community. But I think it is getting a bit better — I hope it is!
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 2:30 amThanks Melody – jealousy creeps into so many aspects of our lives doesn’t it? That is great that you are able to take a healthy approach to your blog. And kudos for posting that picture! :)
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 2:36 amSusan – I am SO glad that this post helped you! I hate that we often so feel alone when there are really SO many people out there feeling the very same things! HUGS Feel to tweet or FB me if you ever need to chat. :)
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 2:38 amYes Gertie – for us over achievers those carrots are always there aren’t they? lol
You sound like us with our stores, our blog and all the kid stuff! My son has extra needs as well and all the extra appointments and stress etc makes it all so much harder!
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 2:38 amYes Robin – none of us does! :)
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 3:15 amOh Crystal – SO glad to hear it helped! Yes – you keep going girl!!!
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 3:21 amThanks Leah!!!
Valery commented on Sep 16 11 at 3:43 amThis post was perfect for me. I have been trying to start my own crochet business on the side of working full time. I do work from home so thought that I could handle it. I work full time and have 7 kids total. 4 of the girls play soccer, my son plays football and my youngest is in dance. I got over whelmed. Couldnt keep up with orders and almost gave up. I was so upset and so depressed. I have learned a lot from the experience, but I definitively have felt like this post over and over again. Especially when my house is a mess and I have orders piling up while trying to do it all in one 24 hour period. Thank you for sharing.
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 3:44 amKris – to know that you have days like this helps me so much! It is so nice to know that we are not the only ones! HUGS
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 3:45 amGigi – I am not sure if it gets easier. I think perhaps it can – it depends on what you need for it to get easier. Sometimes when the businesses are more established then you have more cash for staff and help. BUT then there is the pressure to keep building. I think it is for us to decide we need a certain amount of peace in our lives and then just claim it.
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 3:46 amHugs to you Michele! Thanks for sharing — and so glad you haven’t ever really quit! :)
5MinutesForMom commented on Sep 16 11 at 3:47 amRaul – what an incredible encouragement! Thank you for your words here! They mean SO much to me — thank you!
Truthful Mommy commented on Sep 16 11 at 10:11 amI LOVE this piece. We all do feel like this occasionally. I know all of my bloggy friends seem to be moving along to their success at a faster rate than me but I feel like my sporadic successes are big enough to make it all worth while. I know that eventually, I will be her:) We all have these days and we all deserve any of the successes that we get. I support, love and promote my fellow bloggers because I think they are certainly worth celebrating. That being said, we all have a unique voice and what we say may make a big difference to another person and there is certainly a measure of success in that..in supporting one another.
Annie @ Mama Dweeb commented on Sep 17 11 at 2:29 amJanice – you already know how much I love you, but this post made me respect you even more!! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability to inspire others. I am so much more inspired now! I am sharing this post with everyone that struggles with jealousy. I have been there. SO many times. Sometimes I start creating goals like “get a better giveaway so I can have traffic like her” or “learn photography so my blog can look as good as hers” OMG no! It is one thing to be inspired by someone but another thing entirely when you try to do what they do so you can have what they have. BE YOURSELF. I shout this at the mirror every morning.
Debbie commented on Sep 19 11 at 4:54 pmAs a working mom, I can relate to this post. However, jealousy isn’t just related to blogging. I certainly feel it professionally at times, and I often feel like I have to apologize for doing well. It’s one reason I make self-deprecating comments frequently. However, it’s a shame that so many of us feel we need to hide our success or apologize for doing well. I wish we could support each other a bit more. Blogger– and life– is not a zero sum game. If I win, it doesn’t mean that you lost. There’s enough opportunity for us all to win.
Tonya Wells commented on Nov 20 11 at 7:36 pmBrilliant! This piece captures the thoughts and emotions of so many of us who struggle to be businesswomen and mothers. I’m very glad to see that someone else knows how I feel at times!
I enjoyed reading this! Thanks
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