Oh Megan, my heart goes out to you. That said, you’ve realised a huge thing, in knowing you can’t change him, but can only support him the best way you know how. These things have a way of working themselves out sometimes. My M has always been just like you described Dylan. She’s cautious, she’s a typical first born in that she doesn’t throw herself headlong into anything like her brother does. She’s also a deep thinking and thinks everything through and this, of course, doesn’t help with her anxiety when something is uncomforable or new for her. She’s great around people she knows, but put her in a new situation or a place with crowds and she doesn’t react well. Her anxiety takes over. However, she has found her strengths over the years and has fallen into, of all things, muscials and drama, which despite her anxiety, allows her to escape for a short time. She loves it and I’m so glad she found it, because it’s helped. A LOT. She still worries about EVERYTHING and my guess is she always will (she gets a little of that from me, ahem), but half the battle with us has been accepting it instead of telling her to get over it like we used to, or expecting her to just move from one situation to another without plenty of warning. We know what to do now, and although it doesn’t always guarantee that she won’t get uncomfortable, shy or stressed out, it’s given us some tools to work with. Just give it time, he’ll find his niche and something that makes him confident and it will help. It’s hard though, SO HARD, I know.

I also teach a child just like you described Dylan. He is painfully shy. Instead of forcing him to join in, I have worked with him, in that I allow him to decide when he’s ready to participate. His parents were frantic about it at the beginning of the year, but I told them not to focus on it and to let him move at his own pace. I support him as much as I can within the classroom, he’s learned to trust me and things are improving for him. He still won’t join in in the music class and doesn’t come to school when we have performances, but the fact that we’ve let him know it’s OK if that’s how he is, he has blossomed. I hope that the teachers at school can work closely with you on supporting him for who he is.

Sorry this is so long, I just feel for him and you. And parenting is never easy, it’s just a journey. Seeing your children hurt in any way makes us want to jump in and save them and protect them. Sometimes it’s more about our own anxiety than theirs. : ) Hang in there. He’s perfect just the way he is.

I was just like Dylan; I was very shy and anxiety was an issue. When I got older it led to me having a few close friends and people wouldn’t talk to me because they thought I was mean because they thought I was mean and rude due to me looking down frequently. Looking back, I wish my parents would’ve put me in therapy and or group therapy to give me the tools early on to help me be more of an extrovert. I hope this doesn’t come off as mean or rude or scary, it isn’t my intentions.