Great post. There’s no one right way to parent and everybody would be better off with more support and less snark.

Perfect post. I can’t believe we are still having this conversation… year after year. It never goes away. We all do the best we can with the tools we have. And in the long run… our kids are going to turn out just fine.

I think it’s natural for mothers to compare themselves to others and question their own choices…I just think this whole Mommy Wars thing – “SAHMs are lazy!” – that Anderson’s producers developed is a dull, outdated debate. But of course I’ll be watching the show tomorrow…lol.

I have the book! But I’m not sharing…..
(that’s a joke, obviously)

Well said! Why are mothers pitted against each other? Don’t we all want the same things for our kids?

Thank you. I spent so much of his first year trying to do the ‘right’ thing and no matter what you pick, someone will disagree. The community of moms I have found through social media are more supportive than some I have met in real life and I am so thankful for them. If only everyone could see the acceptance. And the Mom Pledge is awesome!

This is so right on. I posted about my choice to have a c-section with baby #2 yesterday and experienced some of the same….although not as badly as Jill had in her comments. (mine were mostly private fb messages that I decided to not answer).

And I did as Jill did and put a “disclaimer” that this is what works for me and may not be for everyone. Did it stop the haters? Nope.

Why do mothers DO this to each other?

Thank you for this post, Nichole.

Couldn’t agree more, with you and with Katie. The judgmentalness of many modern moms is astounding. I believe every mom makes the best choices with the resources available to her — there just is no one-size-fits-all mothering style.

Perfectly said Nichole, there are so many factors that influence the parent that we are and the decisions we make and even if there was a book, none of us has enough free time to read it.

Great post, Nichole. Now, all those people intent on perpetuating these “Mommy Wars” need to come and read this. Now.

Thank you for this article. Can you imagine the amount of snide, judgmental comments which were thrown at me when, pregnant, I made the decision to NOT breastfeed?? Even at the hospital after the delivery, I was subjected to awful treatment from the nurses because of this- one even refused to give us formula!! Our son is 13 months old and healthy as can be. Let’s live and live. Remember ladies, those before us Faught hard for our right to chose- let’s not go backwards.

This super-secret-stealthy book is probably also written in Sanskrit. So that each owner can be certain only she understands the correct way to interpret it!

Thanks for the insight and the humor. Off to share your wisdom with others!

There is a difference between using information to improve ourselves and using it to judge others or make ourselves feel superior. While perfection is a mistaken goal there is nothing wrong with trying to do our best. We all have choices to make and they can be difficult. But we already live in a mother blaming world so why not find ways to support each other. I am a Dad but I get tired of hearing mom’s taking shots at each other. The funny thing about the study is it is based on self report information so it isn’t the most objective approach. We need to take it with a grain of salt.

The initial comments regarding the mom letting the baby cry it out is interesting. I don’t support that approach but most of the studies on attachment don’t suggest parents burn themselves out with constant attention to their kids anyway. So it is a matter of degree and balance. Unless we are in someone else’s shoes we should maybe back off on the judgment. But as someone who works as a parent educator and blogger (parentingtips4u.com) I can’t say there is one right way but the more information we have, the more choices we will have to find what works for us.

Excellent post, Nichole! Very well said.

Very well said! I am of the belief that the reason these women criticize other women its because they, themselves are extremely self conscience about their choices when it comes to raising their child. So, when someone comes along and has an opinion that goes against theirs, the onlyreaction they have its to lash out.

I wish they would realize that it soul mean nothing to them how someone else feeds their child, or gets them to sleep, or whatever other choice we as parents at forced to make. Just do what’s right for your family and let others do the same

The “Mommy Wars” hurt all mothers and, indeed, all parents. By focusing so much on which way is “best”, the fight provides the perfect excuse to politicians and corporations to avoid taking steps to help any parent. Better and more affordable childcare? But we don’t want to encourage women away from staying home with their children since that’s the best option. Assistance for parents who want to stay home? But working mothers are happier and provide better role models. As long as we’re so busy infighting, nothing will ever improve.