Kid Scoop
Why did Grandma and Grandpa Get Divorced?
“Oof, that’s not an easy question.” Cody muttered from the drivers seat.
We were driving to church when Addie asked why my parents weren’t married to each other, more specifically why they got a divorce.
She has a new friend with divorced parents and half siblings and I can only assume the question arose from seeing her friend and his sister go back and forth between their parents houses throughout the week. She’s asked about it before, why they weren’t married to each other but she had never used the word ‘divorce’ before.
My parents got divorced when I was 5. It was very strange, I was the only kid in my kindergarten class with divorced parents. I knew it wasn’t my fault but I remember taking the blame to make the fact that my parents hated each other more bearable. There’s a lot of old baggage there.
My mom got divorced from her second husband last year and it’s led me to think a lot about which is harder, your parents separating when you are younger or when you are older. When I was younger it was hard because I had no idea what was going on, the complexities that were involved with the legalities of divorce and the emotional toll on both of my parents were too much for me to understand. When I was older it was hard seeing my grown parents as flawed people.
I didn’t want to tell Addie that my parents didn’t love each other anymore, I don’t want her thinking that love can end just like *that* but I also didn’t want to explain how complex divorce can be. Both my parents are really good at being grandparents and they would have never been the parents they were or the grandparents they are had they stayed together. I simply answered with “They didn’t take very good care of each other.”
I’m not sure if that was the right answer. She thought about it and responded with “We take good care of each other right?”
Relationships are a two way street, they do require an awful lot of care from both parties. While I don’t want to tell Addie that divorce will never happen to her, I do want her to understand that taking care of people, be it your family, your spouse or your siblings; is more important than anything. If she ever asks again I may go into the subject deeper with her, if she’s ready that is.
Have you had to answer the divorce question to your kids? How did you handle it?
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2 Comments
Jessica commented on Dec 05 11 at 3:37 pmMy in-laws are in the process of getting divorced and it’s hard to explain why Grannie Annie (my father-in-law’s 2nd wife) isn’t at Thanksgiving or recitals, or family events anymore. We have let my daughter write her letters when she expresses missing her. But I have a hard time explaining why this is happening. My DD still loves this grandma, but circumstances are such that we can’t see her.
Jessica commented on Feb 10 12 at 10:19 pmMy parents got divorced when I was 4 and they both remarried. It took a long time to deal with all of the chaos that was childhood scuttling back and forth between parents, and then figuring out how to be successful in my own marriage without solid role models. My son is 6 and just started asking questions about why grandma and grandpa live in different states, why his grandparents (mommys daddy and mom, in his words) dont live in the same house like his own mom and dad. Divorce is one of those things that never goes away, and it was difficult to relive that whole ordeal to explain to my kids. We did the basic grandma and grandpa love you, and us, but just live in different places. That divorce happens when parents cannot live together anymore. Probably not the best way, but I didnt have a great answer because my parents didnt give me a great one to build on. I have to say I was sorely tempted to let him call his grandparents and ask them the question!
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