Speaking as a psychotherapist and a mother, it’s highly likely that the child’s welfare was put first enough to decide that 7 years old was too young to go to the funeral. We have no idea how they decided to deal with the child’s understanding of her father’s death, but it is likely that it was discussed. Given that Mr. Hopper was allowed visitation (with partial custody?) indicates there was some level of cooperation. My understanding through the media over the years is that Mr. Hopper’s art collection was extensive, and extremely valuable. People get ugly when there is large amounts of wealth involved. Again, as a therapist, often the parents may fight about money but put the child first or at least attempt to separate the issues. 7yo is young for what would doubtless be a huge funeral. Do you know if she was allowed alone time with family at funeral home before the funeral? We can hope that these adults figured out a way to say goodbye to dad. Given their resources it is likely that professional help was and will be involved dealing with the loss.
It really is too bad to make drama out of a situation that we know nothing about. Would it be as interesting to readers to discuss how difficult it will be to lose her father,who most likely will leave her some very valuable items, who was an icon? That may be an interesting spin and one that doesn’t feed judgmental assumptions. How about finding out what was his priceless collection contained and how he handled that with the kids and the wives? Something real.

Michelle Smith said: “Speaking as a psychotherapist and a mother, it’s highly likely that the child’s welfare was put first enough to decide that 7 years old was too young to go to the funeral.” Speaking as a psychotherapist it appears you know nothing about death of a close family member or friend and the process of grieving. Birth, death, and everything in between are part of life and when children are sheltered too much it can damage them just as much as physical or psychological abuse. Children who grow up never learning to deal with life’s challenges with loving support end up thinking life should be easy and then have more trouble as adults dealing with life’s struggles. ALSO the mother insisting on coming to the funeral is more about control than anything else. She was not putting the daughter’s best interests at heart. She wouldn’t let her daughter go anywhere near the wake or funeral, so how could the daughter have “family” time with her father’s side of the family? Maybe YOU need to go back to school because you didn’t give a professional opinion, you gave a PERSONAL opinion. ALSO this child needs the connection with her father’s side of the family and her siblings to help her grieve. THEY are the only people in her life who genuinely KNOW how she feels about losing her father. Her mother clearly has no feelings of grief over the loss and cannot support her daughter the same way as others. I am not saying take the mother out of the daughter’s life, that would also be disastrous. I am saying that if the mother has the daughters best interest at heart then she would understand how much her daughter needs to grieve in a supportive environment.
ALSO don’t be fooled by an order of the court for “shared”, “joint”, and “partial” custody issues. Agreements may be made in court with opposing attorneys negotiations (or ordered by the judge), this does not mean that the parents get along. I have seen many parents AGREE to shared parenting in court and still use THE CHILD(REN) as tools to hurt the ex and the ex’s family (even when the ex dies). It’s a shame this child is so young because the mother is likely to keep her from his family just to spite them. It’s more likely that the mother is acting like a spoiled brat and more immature than the daughter! She’s like a whiny child: “I didn’t get my way so I’m going to hurt you however I can!”
Speaking as a mother (who has lost children and other family members) I know it doesn’t take a psychology degree (which I didn’t have at the time) to know that children need to be part of the process at funerals and obtain support from as many close family and friends as possible. The mother needs to let go of issues with her husband that don’t apply any longer and start thinking about her daughter’s well being. No one on her mother or father’s side should bash the other parent or family to the daughter.
This is a sad situation and I pray this young girl DOESN’T end up in counseling later in life because people were so selfish about revenge that they didn’t think of her first. Who cares about the money anyway? It doesn’t really apply here. This and similar situations happen all the time regardless of money and possessions and the only people who really suffer are the children. It’s a crying shame!

TexasEMT, It’s a sad situation when any parent doesn’t work to get along for the children after a divorce. I have seen both men and women engage in a battle only concerned with their own personal victory. The children get hurt more than anyone. You may do well in the future if you start keeping a diary now. Date and write anything the mother does that is vindictive or controlling. Especially when she adverts your rights that are written in the court order for visitation. Never miss a visitation, either attempt to switch time (if you cannot take them during your scheduled visit) or ask for more time (family reunions, funerals, weddings, little league sports, etc.) When she declines events which scheduling is out of your control then write it down. If and when (probably when) you ever go back to court to work out additional terms, then ask for visitation allowances for these family events with so much notice (usually 48hrs to 2wks). The courts favor BOTH parents staying involved with their children. Never put their mother down to them, and don’t allow your family put her down either. Find a family member or friend to talk to about everything. When the children start talking about what the mother says about you (most likely they will), listen and say supportive things: “Well mommy is just hurting right now, and sometimes people say things they don’t mean when they hurt. We both love you very much, and that will never change.” Then privately write what they told you in your journal.
My experience is not just professional, it’s personal. As a divorced mother of over 15 years with 4 children we have always worked to remain civil, and put the children’s best interest first. It’s the ex’s wife who has a problem and puts me down to the kids. They have grown to hate her because of this. One example is we had two children graduate on the same day (youngest 8th grade, one high school). The 8th grade grad the ex’s wife didn’t come and we all sat together as a family. Our adult children, grandchildren, me, my fiancee, and my ex.) Later that day at our other graduation, she was there and they sat at the other end of the gym. Our children and grandchildren were split between us. This is just one example, as the children grew up similar situations occurred at sports and school events. I have seen too many children become emotionally damaged because both parents use them for control and fight. If you don’t put them in the middle by fighting back they have a good chance of emotional stability and will more likely come to you later in life for advice. If the mother persists they will also learn to see her as the emotionally troubled on and get tired of her dramatic attempts for attention.
It’s easy to hold onto anger which fuels more problems in the parental relationship. Letting go of it and responding with encouragement to the children will deny the mother the attention she craves. Your power comes with giving the children positive support, and writing down everything she does to interfere with your parental role, and your credibility with the children.
Another thing: when I lost my daughter (stillborn) I had 3 children 2-6. The two year old didn’t know what was going on, but the 3 and 6 year old did. When my son passed from meningitis (@ 6yrs) I had 3 remaining children ages 3-11. They all knew what was going on and of all the funerals they’ve been to as children they have learned that death and grief are a part of life just as birth is. I had one more child after the loss of my son, and when my youngest was 5 my father passed away. When I told him grandpa passed (before the funeral) he told me that he sees the soul like the heart but it keeps on living after we die. That was his way of seeing this, and he showed more understanding about death than I had ever talked about with him.
I feel for the Hopper family as well. Mostly I feel for his daughter and the loss she is feeling all alone. The rest of his family have the love and support through each other and I know the absence of his daughter creates more grief. She is the one being hurt more because she is denied the closure she needs.
God bless you and your beautiful children.

Hurray for that mother refusing to let the only child of she and Big Bunny Rabbit go without her to the ceremony of death. No one could substitute for the mother as interpreter or guardian there, and to be dished out there with a “nanny” would turn it into a restaurant visit of some sort—a somewhat impersonal meal. And would remind her the rest of her life that mommy was bad, and that she, the little girl, was to be cursed forever as mostly mommyless and certainly daddlyless.
Horrors, the custody-mongers—all claiming that shopping your child around with split homes and split lives, as if the child is some carveable meal—-horrors.
Hurray for that mother saying if she does not go with me, she does not go.

I agree with above. And if Hopper had given a damn or God had given a damn, that child would be loved, honored, and protected there by her mother.

This is about Dennis Hopper and his family, not you.