Dadding
The “Dad-Mom:” Is Society Finally Accepting Stay-At-Home Dads?
Good Morning America recently did a segment on stay-at-home dads (SAHD) and society’s changing perceptions of men in this role. Overall I thought it presented the topic in a positive slant as opposed to reports in previous years where SAHD’s were more of an oddity and in many cases, simply victims of circumstance.
What’s ironic for those who have been plugged to the SAHD community for a while, is that this gig as the full-time parent isn’t quite the phenomena it’s sometimes made out to be. Just read Jeremy Adam Smith’s, The Daddy Shift, or follow the NYC Dads Group, or chat with the bunch at AtHomeDad.org.
Watching the segment, there were a couple of items that jumped out at me, the biggest being the laundry commercial where the guy referred to himself as a “dad-mom.” Personally, I don’t get too bent out of shape over titles like Mr. Mom and all that. Hey, whatever floats your boat.
I do however, think that the “dad-mom” moniker is bullshit. This is good example of how marketers stick labels on people in order to better define a target demographic.. Hey, Madison Avenue, target this demographic. You’ll just have to imagine which finger I’m holding up right now.
Not to read too much into it, but in some respects I think it’s even a bit demeaning to both moms and dads. Ah, look, it’s a—air quotes—guy, who does—air quotes—woman’s work all day. Why does it have to be woman’s work, and why does it have to be unusual for a dude to be doing it? Can’t we all just be parents? That I don’t see happening for a while yet, and marketing labels aren’t helping, but even so, we are moving in the right direction.
I did like the comment made about people seeing the whole dad staying home thing as a “temporary gig.” I’m going on four years now, and even with those who’ve known me during that whole time, they see it this way. Of course, saying you’re a freelance writer and independent social media marketing consultant is code for I’m and unemployed blogger, but the truth of the matter is I actually do work full-time hours in addition to writing, both of which I get paid for.
In fact, not to go off on a tangent, but I’m actually struggling with something new—finding life-work balance as a SAHD with a job. Given my current schedule, I feel like an impostor by referring to myself as a SAHD. I’ll save that for another discussion, though.
Getting back on topic, though, I think the perception of SAHDs is changing, and certainly so compared to comedian George Lopez’s derogatory comment in 2009 when he referred to us as “bums,” and then alluded to us being drunks. I’d like to see Lopez say that to Dwayne Wade’s face today. He’d likely get the same response as my opinion about the “dad-mom.”
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Ron Mattocks is a father of five (3 sons, 2 stepdaughters) and author of the book, Sugar Milk: What One Dad Drinks When He Can’t Afford Vodka. He blogs at Clark Kent’s Lunchbox, and lives in Houston with his wife, Ashley, who eternally mocks his fervor for Coldplay.
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5 Comments
Alan commented on Jan 06 12 at 7:49 pmI’m in marketing, so a dirty little secret.
There is this weird aspiration, probably the fault of that “Where’s the Beef?” lady. To create a catchphrase. Something that sticks.
It hits brand managers. Creative types. Planners. All sorts of folks. And it makes a certain amount of sense, given that the work and campaigns are so public.
So I don’t know if the motivations are malicious, per se, as much as they are a misguided quest to tag the next metrosexual.
Just keep this in mind when you see an offer to buy Dad-Mom t-shirts. It’s all part of the plan.
Eric commented on Jan 07 12 at 11:02 pmI’d have to agree. I’d also like to point out that when it comes to “women’s work”, I used to live alone. I did my own laundry. I washed my own dishes. I even cleaned my own toilet! (My wife has trouble believing this)
I even did some of this after marraige and while gainfully employed.
For me, being a SAHD meant homeschooling too. My days are plenty full.
As for George Lopez’s comment, I believe it’s said more in ignorance than anything else. I’ve worked with plenty of Hispanics and if they are 1st or 2nd generation immigrants, then their culture is very 1950′s in that the women stayed home to raise the kids while men worked. When Lopez was a kid, it was very likely just as he described it. This doesn’t mean he’s not still an asshole.
And, for the record, I am not a Dad-Mom.
KC commented on Jan 09 12 at 4:42 pmI haven’t noticed society accepting SAHMs yet, so I don’t know about SAHDs. An essay of mine was recently included in the ebook Welcome to my World http://www.amazon.com/Welcome-To-My-World-ebook/dp/B005OSA7XI/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1326135911&sr=1-1 The book details accounts of SAHPs and working parents. No matter what, I hope that society accepts SAHPs in general for what they are: people who, indeed, work.
Meg commented on Jan 10 12 at 8:32 amI’d say that society still looks down their collective nose at stay at home mums so stay at home dads will have that problem before they even get to the gender issue. If you work from home (as a freelance writer for example) I don’t think you’d have half the problem in explaining to other people that you’re not some day time telly watching lazybones. I’ve got friends without kids who work from home. When I had some freelance work in addition to my part time at an office work I think my biggest problem wasn’t from the outside world but from my husband who was resentful of me doing work in evenings or on holiday – our children were too young for me to be able to concentrate on doing it while I looked after them so I couldn’t see how it would work as an alternative to my part time office job. I work 3 days a week rather than his 5 but I’m expected to be the housewife in the situation – doing the housework etc and this is a role I’m expected to fall back into when I go on maternity leave in a month. To him it’s seen as a jolly – a holiday from work and I think that’s how a lot of people see stay at home parents be they mum or dad. I’ve heard some disappointing stories from dads who’ve taken their child/children to playgroups, the park etc when mothers don’t engage with them. I’m the opposite and will talk to whoever – I’ve found that most of the dads are less judgemental and fair more interesting than the gaggles of mums.
Ken commented on Jan 11 12 at 6:15 pm“Dad-mom’s”???? does this make our working spouses Mom-Dad’s?
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