I absolutely agreeably agree and approve of this message.

I think dads’ (generalized) lack of emotion helps with parenting because we are less likely to over-coddle the kids. We are more likely to know when our kids need hugs vs when they are just pushing our buttons. Yes, sometimes I have looked like a jerk for not making a big deal out of something like a minor cut or bruise, but I’d rather teach them to not be overly dramatic just so they can get 20 minutes of hugs if another kid looks at them funny.

This made me realize part of the reason that so many mommies out there get huffy when they see me raising my kids. It’s because they can’t control me the same way they control their husbands and keep them down as parents. They would never admit the truth… that it may be “their way or the highway” but more often than not, thier way is a longer, and much bumpier, road.

I have often told my husband I am in awe of his parenting abilities. We do parent differently and that has been in the best interest of our children. I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’ve both given our children what they need to go out into the often big, bad world and find their way in it. I like the statement you made about “Mothers see the world in relation to their kids, and fathers see their kids in relation to the world.” It explains somewhat the way we have parented our children. This has helped them navigate their way. Neither Dads or Moms should insist that it’s “their way or the highway.” Their children will suffer the consequences. My children are older now, 17 and 20, and I can see the results of how our parenting has affected the way they take on the world. I’m glad both of us had our unique styles of parenting and worked as a team. It has made all the difference. I never wanted to be Dad and my husband never wanted to be Mom.

By the way, “Hey, Ron, how old were you when you first had your period?” did make me smile. I’m sure my husband is glad he never heard that question from our daughters.

@Phil, thanks. Great comment. There’s a lot to be said for offering a balance of both the mom & dad’s parenting style and yeah, that should take off some of the burden carried by just one parent. For those couple’s where it’s my way or the highway, that’s just got to take a lot more energy on the mom’s part to maintain that control (& to be fair, I can think of a couple SAHD’s who are the one’s controlling the parenting). Either way, everyone loses at some point.

@Aaron, Great point. You reminded me of an article in Working Mother’s Magazine talking about unemployed dads who had to stay home. There was one couple where the mom was all pissed at the dad for not having dinner ready or their kids ready for bed when she got home from work. The guy then explained that he tried doing all that but his wife kept telling him he was doing it wrong, and after a while he just stopped because what was the point. Then the wife jumps in basically saying “Yeah, he doesn’t know how to do anything and won’t learn how I do things.” Thanks for the comment.

@Steph Thanks for the comment. The flip side is dads using this as an excuse not to be involved.

@Joan, that’s just a super example, especially sharing how it’s impacted the way your kids are today. Hats off to your husband (and you). And, yeah, that comment from my stepdaughter, I must have blinked 20 times after she said it. At lease she felt comfortable enough to ask I guess. :-)

@MHD – thanks. There’s a bunch of us.

Nice Post. I am a SAHD and find myself struggling with these differences and roles you mention. I know I am part of a large and growing cadre of similar fellas, but I still run into “expectations” that I must have failed at something, or taken ill, or had some other disaster befall me, to be at home. I may have had a circumstance occur that pushed me to be a SAHD, but I made the choice. And my kids seem to like it, even though I am not their mother (no one could be as good at that job as she is), and do not want to be.

I dunno – that’s an awful lot of agonizing over fulfilling different roles. We don’t always have a choice in the matter. Plenty of single moms have to fill the hole (so to speak) left by an absent father. Why can’t a father be expected to do the same?

Maybe it’s because I grew up with a lot of sisters, but I wouldn’t balk at handling the menstruation issue with my daughter. (Granted, that daughter is hypothetical to date.)

Moms and dads may have different approaches to parenting, but having one of each is still a luxury – even if it’s considered the norm.
http://www.daddyconfidential.com

PEOPLE’S parenting styles are different, not just moms vs. dads. I parent completely differently from my husband…and also my (female) best friend. All parents fulfill a variety of roles — nurturing, preparing our kids for the world, disciplining, etc. — and do it in different but valid ways. We should all make allowances for each other’s differences — that’s a useful point that can be generalized from this article. But throwing up “mom” and “dad” categories around that point reduces its relevance. Be an involved parent, be confident in that, and don’t set it up as a conflict between men and women.

Greetings,

Interesting and totally provocative piece you have here. I don’t know if it’s always necessary to highlight the differences between mom and dad and how they parent, because I would assume that’s a natural thought. However, being a SAHD adds another element to the parenting angle. I know a couple of SAHDs who always have to check in with their wives who are out of the home working and give frequent status updates — admitting to me their frustration behind it. Then I know of one SAHD who relishes the challenge of caring for his newborn while he juggles his at-home job as well. It’s all about the will to be a parent and the level of devotion applied at the end of it all. Just my meager two cents on the matter.

Best Wishes,

D.L. Chandler
Web Editor, fatherhood.org