Being Pregnant
Where Did She Go? Does Personality Change During Labor?
“At a certain point in labor she just seemed so different, I wasn’t sure what that meant, or if I should be worried. She was not herself.”
This is from one of my childbirth ed students last week– we were talking about what women are like in active labor. In this case, the student had been with her best friend during her labor. The mom had no pain medication and was feeling some really tough contractions. While one would expect some moaning with the pain it seemed something else had happened: Her personality had changed.
Is this normal?
Definitely. And it can be reassuring to know this in advance so you don’t think something is *wrong.*
In early labor– when contractions are anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes apart and not super intense– a woman is in what’s called her “social self.” This doesn’t mean she wants to socialize, per se. It just means she’s cool with chatting and hanging out and generally dealing with and/or enjoying the company of others. Early labor can last–in a first time birth–an average of 6-18 hours. So we’re talking about mom who is in labor but also sleeping or watching a movie or going out to dinner or walking or hanging out with people. She could be cracking jokes, status-updating, whatever.
But as she makes the turn towards Active Labor– when contractions are 3-5 minutes apart, longer and more intense — her personality, not surprisingly, does appear to change. It’s temporary of course, and it helps her.
Mom has gone into what’s called her “internal self.” She’s more internally focused, less social, less communicative. What’s happening is that the part of her brain that deals with communication and logistics slows down, while the part of her brain that is more instinctive and, for lack of a better word, “animal,” gears up. She may seem out of it, or weird or ‘gone,’ but her senses are also tweaked and she’s highly aware of what’s going on. She knows what everyone is saying. She knows who is in the room. She knows when someone left the door open. She may have a joke to crack but it’s going to have to wait till labor is over.
I love talking with women after labor because they remember it all vividly (for at least a couple of days). One woman told me she remembered every single contraction as having distinct characters, like people at a cocktail party. (A slightly trying cocktail party.) I had been with her during that labor and she was moaning and rocking back and forth on all fours with her eyes closed. She didn’t seem acutely observant, but she was.
The shift into the “internal self” lasts all the way through transition and then during the pushing phase (the last minutes or hours of labor) mom will get more communicative and outward-focused again.
One thing to think about with regard to the “internal self” is who is with you during labor. A mom in active labor will appreciate being with someone who makes her feel safe. Someone with whom she’s not afraid to “let go.”
Does anyone have experiences of “going inward” you’d like to share? When I’ve been at labors I’ve noticed the shift and I think it’s amazing to see!
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5 Comments
Psychsarah commented on Dec 27 11 at 8:11 amThis totally happened to me. I had my first child this past summer-a home water birth. During the hard contractions I closed my eyes and made low moaning sounds that seemed to help me manage the pain. In between the contractions I opened my eyes and could talk for a moment. My husband lovingly referred to me as Jeklyl and Hyde (to denote the dramatic difference). I felt pretty good (all things considered) when it was just me, my husband and midwife. When it appeared that the second midwife might not appear in time for the birth, my primary midwife had to call for EMS to come. I felt so off and incredibly irritated when they clomped up the stairs in their big boots to tell us they’d arrived. Thankfully myidwife noticed my mood change and asked them to wait outside until we needed them. Thankfully the second midwife arrived moments later, and my sOn arrived moments after that! My husband said he’d never seen me like I was during the contractions and pushing, and I replied that I’d never done anything like give birth before! It’s interesting to hear that this is s common phenomenon.
Emilie commented on Dec 27 11 at 12:16 pmMost definitely! I especially noticed it with my second son. I was joking and having a great time with my mom and husband in the delivery room , even though I was starting active labor. But as I progressed I changed. While I knew stuff was going on in the room I no longer could focus/care about those things and withdrew inward, especially during the contractions. And transition, what a treat! One minute I was swearing at my husband and 30 seconds later I was crying and saying sorry for being so mean to him. I just couldn’t control it. We laugh about it now.
Mom22 commented on Dec 30 11 at 1:27 amWhat I think is really kind of fascinating is that the same thing happened to me, even after I got an epidural. Even with pain medication, I was very inwardly focused until pushing. Huh. Must be something more than the pain.
Liz commented on Dec 31 11 at 1:58 pmI enjoyed watching and studying women in labor (not the theyre-in-excruciating-pain part, the whole act) And when it came time for me, my mother in law kindly whispered in my ear to not scream or yell because “you just look like an *ss*ole”. Normally I wouldn’t take rude or catty advice but for some reason in my mental state, I clammed up and focused on internally dissolving the pain. I was not given any pain meds because of my blood pressure having spiked so high. I thought my bp was a result of the pain, but what do I know? I do not remember much about my surroundings as I was focused entirely on not vocalizing and not killing anybody that came near me. That was the scary part, I wanted to actually kill everyone that spoke or touched me and I remembered that vividly. Granted, I was pretty much alone through the whole thing, a nurse here or there. My dad made it for the pushing, he said I got very nasty when people tried to put an air mask on me. I only remember not being able to concentrate because I couldn’t breathe with it on. After my son came out, I was kept in the hospital for almost a week, there was nothing wrong with my baby. Mom was dying and I wasn’t allowed to have friends or a car per my husband so I spent the next two weeks alone until Moms funeral and then the jerk came home from truck driving. It was a horrible time in my life. But my baby boy is happy and healthy, thank God.
Alley commented on Jan 04 12 at 2:41 pmI remember when I was in the early stages of labor, I wanted to go on a bike ride and I was still mad I couldn’t return to work. Finally, we headed out to the hospital and I recall being terse pre-epidural… not so much because of the pain, but because I didn’t appreciate the attitude of some of the staff. I do recall though that the anesthesiologist made me laugh so hard he had to stop joking so that when he was placing the epidural, he didn’t mess up my disks. Once the epidural kicked it, I was impatient but chatty. When it came time to push, I was irritated with my husband (nothing usual, come to think of it) and told him to stop crowding me. Honestly, I’d have rather had no one extra in the delivery room, but guilt conquered the rest of me. When it came time to actually push, I do remember totally focusing in on my muscles, and the doctor even lauded how easy of a patient I was. She said she wished she had more like me. lol
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