Being Pregnant
Sharing Baby Names on the Internet
Since I began blogging in 2007, my husband and I have had some disagreements about what is and is not appropriate to share on the internet. His name remains a relatively well kept secret, our last name is a pretty poorly kept secret and my specific profession is not known by many.
We keep a lot more secrets than many of my blogging peers and for the most part, I’m okay with all of this. I’ll admit that I need to give my husband a better fake name, because when you read my blog he sounds like a clown.
Which I guess isn’t always super far from the truth.
But anyway, one thing we cannot seem to agree about is whether to share the name of the baby on the internet. My husband has no issue with me posting pictures of the baby once he’s here (and yes, there will be MANY pictures), but he doesn’t want people to know the baby’s name. And I just cannot understand this.
We’re pretty traditional when it comes to names, so it’s extremely unlikely that the kid’s name will be so unique that he will be googleable by his first name only. In fact, if we go with the name we’re thinking about right now, he’ll have a relatively common name and our last name isn’t exactly unique either.
I feel like there is so much more danger in sharing pictures than in sharing names, not that I want to give him any more ideas, but it just seems like the name is the least problematic thing to share.
Of course I want to protect my child. I do not intend to write stories that will humiliate him in the future, I do not intend to be a crazy over-sharer. I know that there are boundaries and I fully plan to maintain them, but is name sharing really breaking them? I just want to share little bits of our lives with my friends and family (and random strangers who found their way here and to my blog) and to me, it’s hard to write genuinely about any experience when you have to use a pseudonym. I struggle with using one for my husband, I really hate the idea of doing it for my son too.
I realize that there are ways to write with pseudonyms that are less cheesy- just use another name and pretend it’s the baby’s name. Or use the middle name. But still, it just feels like an unnecessary secret to keep and I’m kind of proud of our baby’s name, or what it will probably be. It’s not that I don’t want to protect my child, that is one of the most important things in the world to me, but using his first name on the internet seems like one of the least dangerous things I could possibly do.
So help me here, which one of us is being more unreasonable? Do you think sharing a baby’s name on the internet is unsafe?
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16 Comments
Suzanne commented on Nov 30 11 at 11:28 pmUnsafe? Probably not.
For me, my sons have aliases on my blog, but I’ve used them elsewhere on the ‘net. It boils down to comfort. I’m not there yet, but I think I’m going to have to suck it up soon, as I’ll need to have a website/portfolio for my doctoral studies, and I don’t see the point of hosting a site for the blog and another for that.
Kathy commented on Nov 30 11 at 11:53 pmPrivacy. Ugh. I’m sure you’ve heard this one before but…it’s a lot like virginity. Once you lose it, there’s no going back. And is it yours to give? I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve had this fight many, many times. And I kinda gave up and just hoped for the best. Good luck!
Beth commented on Dec 01 11 at 12:35 amIf your husband and my husband got together they could have a “protect the kids” party. For P (yes, I’m super-inventive when it comes to pseudonyms), it’s pictures. I don’t use many kid pictures on the blog ( except for katie’s head & he agrees to those because they truly help
Others). I do use their real nicknames but since I have a different last name you’d have to work to track them down.
Chelsie commented on Dec 01 11 at 12:48 amI’ve been there. When I started my blog, I used my real (last) name and my family’s real names. Now they’re all (really not that creative) pseudonyms because I don’t want my colleagues in the professional environment to be able to google us and go, “Oh! That’s the lady who blogged about her vibrator!” I have two Facebook pages: a professional one using the name I write under, and a personal one. The former is for everyone, and the latter is reserved for family and friends who know me in real life. It’s totally a personal decision, one you should make with your husband. But I have to admit that I’m dying to know the name you chose. Be that a second-choice made-up one or not, I’m excited for you.
Courtnay commented on Dec 01 11 at 1:05 amwe do NOT put pictures of our children on the internet. (this includes facebook) i do use my kids names on facebook (but only because anyone who can see our profile knows them already. if we were blogging we would not use their real names we would use their nicknames. my reasons are a) i dont want some perv looking at my kid and “liking what he sees” if you catch my drift… b) when you post pics on the internet they become public property. for what its worth if you have common first names and DONT publish last name i see no problem w using the name…
Devan McGuinness commented on Dec 01 11 at 8:55 amthis is a debate i have been struggling since i began blogging 2 years ago. My kids names are not known online, I have a different last name them my children and I dont share full photos of them either. I do it because i worry when they are older that they will be upset about this whole world of people who know them. I also struggle with telling their stories – ones that could be embarrassing or really ‘their’ stories.
I go back and forth wondering though if i am being ‘too cautious’.
Tarrant commented on Dec 01 11 at 9:54 amI wouldn’t share names you are considering because nothing like the Internet to ruin a great name. (no matter how common or uncommon) Everyone has an opinion.
On the other hand, once you name the baby–it is a different thing. I have kids with common names. I go back and forth about sharing their names on posts these days. When they were little, not so much. I had fairly anonymous user names most places, so having a child with a real first name wasn’t a big deal.
Now, the youngest is a teen. As they’ve gotten older I use their names less. Do I really want a college to google the combination of my child’s first name and our last name and be able to easily narrow it down to this geographical area and a mommy blog post about how vexing a child has been about not doing homework, how annoyed I was at a moment, or even the general goodness I have the best child on the planet post. (admissions committee: EEK! Look at this one! Mom thinks this child hung the moon. I foresee nothing but trouble!)
This leads to me calling my children boy child, youngest child, girl child. This can get confusing for some because we have two boys and four girls. I sort of wish I had ended up calling them turkey, pumpkin, sprite, etc.
erniebufflo commented on Dec 01 11 at 10:18 amI’m first names only on the internet. When I first started blogging, I was anonymous, which is where the “ernie bufflo” handle came in, but now pretty much everyone knows that I’m Sarah, and my husband is Jon. Our babies’ names will also be featured in blog and twitter writing. I just don’t get all the fears about internet predators somehow stalking me based on my blog. Statistically, I’m much more likely, and my children are much more likely, to be victimized by someone close to us, someone with whom we are already in regular contact. Someone who doesn’t need the internet to figure out our names. I think we’re actually moving away from anonymity on the internet anyway. Back when we all first got email, it was all pseudonyms@aol.com. Now we’re all firstname.lastname@gmail.com. Writers are known by their real names and are paid like real writers. Pretty soon, I have a feeling, being known by “ernie bufflo” or whatever online will be seen as downright weird.
Bottom line: your husband is sweetly overprotective, but he’s being just that– overcautious.
erniebufflo commented on Dec 01 11 at 10:21 amAlso: the person who says images posted online are public property is wrong. The owner of the photographs retains copyright. Sure, people can copy and paste them and do whatever with them…but what exactly are we worried people are going to do with them? If they use them commercially, you can take legal action. I’ve had people straight up steal content off my blog. Usually a cease and desist email is all it takes.
lonek8 commented on Dec 01 11 at 1:25 pmI use my entire name, my husband’s entire name, and my kids’ real names on the internet. I use photos too. I don’t feel exposed or like I’m putting anyone in danger or completely giving away all of our privacy by doing this, but I’m not particularly paranoid or concerned about these issues in general. There are certainly some sick people out there, but I feel like if some crazy person wanted to find us, they could, whether or not I’ve used aliases. In my opinion if I truly wanted to maintain absolute privacy and secrecy about my family I wouldn’t be blogging in the first place. but I understand that other people are going to have different comfort levels.
I’m not sure how to suggest a compromise for you and your husband, but if I think of one, I’ll let you know (no doubt you will be eagerly waiting that contribution, lol)
Erin commented on Dec 01 11 at 9:09 pmI pretty much agree with LoneK8, however I only use our first names but it would be extremely easy to figure out our last name. I also have a public site of photos simply because there is NO WAY my family would be able to figure out a password only site (I’ve tried) and I decided I just don’t care. As my kids get older, I’ll post about them less on my blog. I do NEVER discuss work negatively, and really think about whether or not I’m comfortable with literally anyone reading my blog, which I have to because all my coworkers read it, including my boss, and pretty much my entire family – so I’m already censoring myself enough because of that. I’ve decided I’m fine with sharing real names, and while my children are a part of my story, what I write is MY story. Honestly, I think in 10-15 years, the idea of a kid being upset that their life is on the internet will be laughable, because that’s just the reality of life at this point. If they are upset… well, I guess that will be something they will get to use against me in therapy later.
The potentially worst thing I can think about in terms of having photos online is, like another commenter said, some perv getting his jollies over your picture. Eh… just doesn’t bother me that much I guess. I think that can happen regardless of whether a picture is online – there are pervs everywhere, so I choose not to concern myself with it.
Chris Routly (Daddy Doctrines) commented on Dec 01 11 at 11:05 pmI worry about this sometimes, but it feels a lot like a “genie is already out of the bottle” sort of thing now.
Besides, I think that the specter of creepy stalkers tracking you or your kids down is one of those things like Stranger Danger where the facts just don’t support the level of fear. The danger to my children from anonymous people online figuring out their full name or seeing cute photos of them is FAR less statistically than the danger from people they already know.
Wing0125 commented on Dec 02 11 at 12:08 amWell.. think Rumpelstilskin. =) There is a lot of belief in the power of names. Now that being said… my husband announced to all our friends… the names of our children on Facebook. I guess it really depends on your comfort levels. My own blog is private by invitation only, so I don’t really have an issue with it.
the original Sarah commented on Dec 02 11 at 8:31 amI use my kid’s names of Facebook, where my privacy settings are high and only friends can see them. On my blog I use pseudonyms and don’t show pics where you can see their faces well.
Roslynn commented on Dec 03 11 at 10:15 amEh. I share my kids’ names on Facebook too, where it’s just friends/family. However, on blogs, forums, etc… it’s nicknames or first initials or “DS” only. I am right there with your hubby. Our hometown newspaper has a section to put your kid’s picture when they turn one year old. I put my son’s picture in it at the insisting of the in-laws (they did it for their kids), so I just used his nickname. However, it’s not *THAT* hard to figure out his real name when you hear his nickname. UGH. Oh well. I’m just paranoid, since his b-day and parent’s names were in there, and if someone really wanted to steal his identity, they wouldn’t have too hard of a time. :-/
Julie {Angry Julie Monday} commented on Dec 05 11 at 1:09 amI don’t use my son’s name because of my job. I tried to keep my last name off of my blog for some time. It is starting to come up in Google now with speaking engagements etc. I just did another search and my son’s name isn’t linked to my blog.
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