Hah, this is always a funny one…for what it’s worth I’ve found that just steeling myself and saying the words (I like “vagina”, “penis” – or whatever you chose if you’re not comfortable with those) really, really helps. The kids are curious – THEY don’t think there’s anything weird or icky or embarrassing about it, it’s just us. I’m pregnant now and explaining everything to my very, very curious 11-year old stepson (and that’s an ongoing conversation that by now also includes sex, consent, good touching and bad touching, condoms, STDs, all in age-appropriate language) and my 5 year old nephew. I think the trick is to signal to the child by your tone of voice that it’s a totally okay question to ask…and I really do think that it is. Kids do have a right to know how their own bodies work, and how they were made, right? So I usually say something like “Well, you know how your private parts looks like daddys, right? Well, mommy’s look different. It’s it the same place but it looks different. The baby comes out through that place between mommy’s legs and it’s called [X]. I’ll tell you more about it when you’re older but it’s how every baby comes out, you did too! It hurt a bit but we were very happy”. That way your kid won’t have weird worries about the baby bursting out through your navel or listen to misinformed kids on the play ground.

If you start early with an honest but gentle conversation hopefully your kid will feel comfortable coming to you with questions all through his childhood and adolescence. And better they come to YOU than someone else.. My step-son asked me yesterday if it was really true that condoms were only used for rape, because the older kids at school said so. That wasn’t an easy thing to unpack and explain in a way that he could understand but I am SO happy that *I* got to explain two concepts that were very foggy and vague to him and that he heard my values and that we had a talk about it. My hope is that, for example, if he hears the word “condom” in our house, openly and with care, as in “oh but of course you know what a condom is, right? It’s what you always use when you have sex, unless you want to make a baby” then maybe it’ll be a little easier for him to say that word the first time he has sex, to talk to his girlfriend/wife, to make healthy decisions. And hopefully we can lay a good foundation with what we think are healthy values NOW, so that when puberty hits and he gets all shy he already knows the basics and more importantly, he already knows what we think about certain things. Regardless of what your individual values are, you probably want to communicate them to your child. If you don’t talk to your child a) someone else WILL and b) your child won’t have a chance to know what you think about these things.. So take heart, at 3 they’re totally innocent and to them you might as well be talking about your elbow. They just want to know.

I just had my second baby and my first daughter is almost 4. She also was very curious as to how babies get out. One day she was on the couch watch an episode of “A Baby Story” with me and when they go to the pushing part she said “Babies come out of your butt!” I said “Noooo…” Then she asks “well do they come out of your vagina?” So I said yes… Luckily though she still thinks that your little sister got in my belly because I ate her.