Being Pregnant
Taking Care of You After Miscarriage
Today is the ‘should have been‘ due date of my son Triton. Though I lost him three years ago, on this day of the year it can be hard not to play the ‘what-if’ game in my mind. If we didn’t lose him we could be celebrating a third birthday today? We wouldn’t have our gorgeous Babe E with us. What would life be like with 2 boys and one girl?
I will never know the answers to these questions and I don’t like playing this game. It evokes anxiety. It brings on sadness but I have to be gentle with myself. Over the past three years I have learned just how important it is to take care of yourself during grief. To allow yourself to feel what ever it is you feel, to acknowledge it and not push it to the side. That will only make it worse.
Click through for tips on how to take care of you after a miscarriage and on those inevitable triggering days:
Some may not realize that taking care of YOU after a miscarriage is not just important during the initial stages of miscarriage. It can last longer then the physical symptoms, then a few days, months or even years. There may be certain dates that trigger the emotions of grief and that might not ever change. It is important to allow yourself that space to feel the grief.
Talk: Talk about your feelings, your loss and your baby. To anyone. To us. Write it down. Talk to a partner, friend, doctor. Don’t keep your grief and feelings bottled in.
Ask for help: Don’t be shy to ask for help – with whatever. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable – especially to those closest to you.
Allow help: Allow your partner, friends and family to help if they offer. Let them bake you some meals, take you out if you feel like it. Accept their ear or shoulder.
Time: Give yourself time. Don’t try to put a time frame on when you will ‘feel better’ & don’t let anyone else put a time frame on you.
Find Calm: If you are relaxed – even temporarily it can help. Find a scented candle that relaxes you and light it; music that puts you at ease.
Please visit UnspokenGrief.com or join the community on Facebook if you need/want support after miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss.
You Might Also Want To Read: Life After Multiple Miscarriage
{ image credit }
Go Back To Being Pregnant
3 Comments
Sarah commented on Nov 09 11 at 2:21 pmHI All,
Thanks for writing this! I really agree, this issues is so important…every day on my “should have been due date” I am thinking about my baby. The thing that is the toughest for me is that most people don’t seem to understand that this is a real loss for mom’s. If this has been your experience too, remember that your loss is just as real as carrying a baby to term, giving birth and loosing a child of any age.
Nadia commented on Nov 09 11 at 2:31 pmDevan, I am so so sorry for your loss. Do take care of yourself! Take a nice hot bath, eat your favorite food, and take some time for yourself to just BE. You are such a beautiful, strong woman! Keep your chin up! Let me know if there is anything at all that I can do for you.
-Nadia
http://www.fitandpreggers.com
Amy commented on Nov 09 11 at 10:58 pmGreat post, Devan. I’m not yet to our due date…whatever that would have been (with twins, you don’t get a *real* due date, just the fake 40-week singleton date…so my goal was 38 weeks on 1/18/12). I am going through the what-ifs around pregnancy, though. Today I should be 28 weeks, instead of missing my children for 14 weeks now. Unbelievable. I crave reading how others cope as time goes by, especially with the holidays coming up, which I think are going to be horrid for my husband and me.
Add your take:
Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions,
but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
Aela Mass 
Casi Densmore-Koon 
Rebekah Kuschmider .jpg)
CaitlinHTP (Caitlin Boyle) 
Michelle Horton 
Ceridwen Morris 
Katie 
Devan McGuinness 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
3