Being Pregnant
Should There Be a Cut Off Age to Motherhood?
Back in 2008 a British woman named Susan Tollefsen became a mother after receiving IVF treatment from a Russian clinic when she was 57 years old. Understandably she received some criticism for her decision to become a mother so late in life. Worry for how she will be able to care for the child as she ages and for how it will all effect her child.
It’s now three years later – a mother to a toddler at 61 years old. Click through to find out if her position on motherhood at a later age has changed and how her life is now.
In a recent interview Susan confesses that while her daughter is still the best thing in her life, perhaps her critics were right because now at 61 years old she is having some trouble caring for her daughter. At the time she had her IVF treatment and conceived her daughter she was with a partner who was 11 years younger and they had planned for him to be around to help if it got hard.
Susan and her partner are now no longer together and she has taken on the bulk of the responsibility for caring for their daughter. She worries about the future and if her daughter will be removed from her care if she is no longer able to physically care for her.
Most IVF clinics will refuse to treat women over the age of 50 and guidelines generally recommend that doctors do not offer IVF to woman over 45. A fear that I have as my husband and I continue to debate whether or not to add another child is that my age will get in the way. I am not even 30 years old yet and I worry now about energy levels and how that will factor into my role as a mother to a newborn – I couldn’t imagine doing all that at 50 – 60 years old.
On the other hand, motherhood is an experience like no other and I would hate to think I wouldn’t get the opportunity to fulfill that desire because of my age. But is 50 pushing the limit?
:: Do you think there should be a cut off age to motherhood? ::
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17 Comments
Nadia commented on Nov 09 11 at 11:13 amI think that is a really tough question! Raising kids is physically challenging, and we lose stamina as we age. I think 50 is pushing it a bit. My mom was 40 when I was adopted, and people said that she was too old! I disagree, however. My mom always had energy, and she was always on the go! She had no trouble raising two children in her 40s and 50s. She is 62 years old now, and I can’t imagine that she would have enough energy to be raising children still. She is still very energetic and active, but it is getting a bit harder for her to get around. So I guess I agree that there should be an age limit on motherhood.
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Diera commented on Nov 09 11 at 11:29 amIn my heart of hearts, I think there should be an age limit on motherhood. However, in my heart of hearts I think there should be OTHER limits on parenthood. No matter who you are and what your personal standards are, there’s probably someone you know that if you were interrogated at gunpoint, while under oath, after having taken muscle relaxants, you would say probably shouldn’t have kids. And for some of you that person would be me! (I’m an atheist of Jewish heritage who uses day care, it’s a safe bet that I’m on someone’s ‘should not reproduce’ list.) So we have decided as a society that everyone is allowed to make the choice to have children with extremely limited exceptions, and that we only take kids away when they are clearly being neglected or abused. So yeah, I think there’s an age that’s too old to have kids, but I still think women who are older than that age should get to make the choice themselves.
Catherine commented on Nov 09 11 at 11:47 amThis is a hard question to answer – is it because they may die before their child is grown? So mothers with cancer should not have children?
Is it because they cannot run and play with their child? So mothers in wheelchairs should not have children?
Is it because her partner may die and she would be left to raise her child alone? So women married to men in the military should not have children?
Is it because she might one day be in poor health and unable to care for her children? So women with chronic diseases should not have children?
It becomes a slippery slope – deciding who can and cannot have children. Is a very much wanted, very much hoped for child born to a mother over 50 really worse off than an unwanted baby born to a teen mom with no support?
Of course there are wonderful teen moms – and there are wonderful moms over 50. If we should not paint all teens moms as bad, perhaps we should not paint all older moms as decrepit, wearing diapers and needing walkers.
I recently posted a story on my Pregnancy Stories blog about a mom who had a child at 63, and today at 78 she has no regrets and is enjoying life and her 14 year old daughter.
Pregnancy Stories – gplus.to/pregnancystories
Ami commented on Nov 09 11 at 2:33 pmCatherine, I think your reply is such a thought-provoking one. Once you start placing limits on something it quickly snowballs.
Marissa commented on Nov 09 11 at 2:43 pmWhile I don’t think women over 50 (maybe even 45) should have kids, it’s a natural right, that shouldn’t be taken away. I’m 33 and I had my first baby at 27, my second at 30, and my third at 32 and it felt right. So whenever it feels right, I suppose it’s their decision.
ariela commented on Nov 09 11 at 9:22 pmI think it’s only ‘a natural right’ if your body is still pre-menopause, as this is the biological sign that a woman’s childbearing years are over. I’m not saying that women who have difficulties conceiving or suffer from infertility shouldn’t be able to use IVF or any other treatments, but if it comes down to using medical means to coax one’s body out of menopause, I think that is taking the technology beyond what is ethically right. But that’s just my opinion.. I’m sure there are older moms out there who would totally prove me wrong.
Catherine commented on Nov 09 11 at 10:37 pmThe problem with using menopause as the biological sign is…
Some women go thru menopause early – my mother was 36, some go thru menopause in their 20′s.
And yet the oldest spontaneous pregnancy documented was 59 years old. There have been undocumented stories of even older – long before the invention of IVF or donor egg.
I even have stories of women who were two to 4 years post-menopause, in their 50′s and who got spontaneously pregnant. You just never know when it is over…
Nadah Valadanzouj commented on Nov 10 11 at 12:40 amI believe that women should not have children later than age 35, age 40 maximum. Breast cancer is a risk of having a child so late in life because of the exposure to such high levels of estrogen. Not only that, the older you are, the harder it is to raise a child, especially in the world of today. It has also been found through research, that the greater the age difference between the mother and child, the greater the difficulty to relate. I know that this may sound insensitive, but 40 is just too old to be having babies, regardless of health or financial condition. And women that are suffering conditions such as terminal cancer or some other fatal disease should definitely NOT have children because it is selfish of them to want something that they known they CANNOT take care of in the fullest way.
KiM commented on Nov 10 11 at 12:48 amI think it’s no ones bussnis but that familys ok so you make a “cut off” age well how about a ” starting” age and how about taking kids away from abusive people? Were so quick to judge at least there mature people making a mature decision there not some drunk teenager having a baby to keep a man ( I’m not attacking teen mums I think they do a fantastic job but that’s my whole point) most teens grow up and step up so why the hate with older people I just think if otheres spent more time bettering them self instead of judging others the world would be a nicer place
shabana commented on Nov 10 11 at 1:18 amI think there should definitively be an age restriction to be a parent.
I also think that there should be a law where people who have too many kids (for example such as the Douger family) to have the mother sterilized.
It is one thing to adopt at an older age, how ever if you want to become pregnant at age 50 or 60, that person should be sterilized because the older you age the more likely it is that there will be birth deformities, birth defects, and medical issues with the unborn baby.
Leah commented on Nov 10 11 at 2:36 amI think there should be a way of preventing pregnancy at an early age..along with condoms and educational tools…like a device implanted ..at birth…and when you are 25..they can take it out…!! I think that would be fantastic ! as long as there were no side affects…I think there is an age when some one should think..maybe this isn’t the best thing…but that age thing is both ways..omg..how many girls at age 13 and 14 are pregnant?? when my daughter was in MIDDLE SCHOOL there were 38 pregnant 7th and 8th graders..I mean my god…wtf is going on…?..these were not bad girls..just made mistakes…there should also be an age limit on driving…how many young kids and elderly die every year in car accidents..I see wrecks more by the elderly then any other group of people…if we start controlling how people live and what they can and can not do..we may save some lives..but is that a real alternative..I mean are there so many old women pregnant that it’s become an epidemic ?? lol..I don’t think so.besides its as much as persons right to have a child as it is to abort one right ?? ( I personally am against it ) but it’s none of my business what Susie Q does in her life..I am not pointing fingers…but we don’t live in a country that controls us..we have the right to pursue happiness at what ever age…we r the ones responsible for our decisions..
Rebecca commented on Nov 10 11 at 4:02 amMy own mother was 33 when I was born, I’m an only child. Frequently during my childhood/adolescence she was assumed by others (friends, teachers, etc.) to be my grandmother. As a result, I made a decision to have my children younger. I had my first at 17 (unplanned) and my second at 23 (planned). I would like one more before I turn 30, which is two years from now. I drew a line in the sand at 30 well before my first pregnancy, for me it was an easy decision but I think that its up to every individual women to draw her own line.
limon_b commented on Nov 10 11 at 11:27 amWOW – Nadah Valadanzouj – no one older than 35. SERIOUSLY!!! how old are you? I am 37 years young and 3 days from 40 weeks. But by your standards I should not have been allowed to get pregnant in the first place. I did not get married until I was 35. So when I was in my 20′s I should have been knocked up by some previous boyfriend just because my so called biological clock was ticking.
When you arbitrarily put your so called limitations on others that is how sexism, racism and all kind of isms are created. Why not say those with hazel eyes should not have kids?
Now, I personally may not agree with me, myself having a child at 65, but who am I to tell someone they can not.
We are healthier and live longer today then yesteryears. This is going to become more and more of an issue. What works for one, may or may not work for another. There can not be any blanket rulings.
Catherine commented on Nov 10 11 at 1:28 pmSince fertility starts to drop off at 27 and the risks increase, we could make the cut-off at 28. For those that like arbitrary cut-offs – would you be comfortable if they decided that was the oldest you should have a baby?
Shabana – who would you like to make that decision for you to be sterilized because they don’t like your age, your health risks, your socio-economical standing, your skin colour?
And for those that do find themselves accidentally pregnant over 40 – what do you suggest they do? Is the baby better off dead than born to a mom over 40? Because there are more accidental pregnancies over 40 than there are under 18.
Pregnancy Stories – gplus.to/pregnancystories
ashley commented on Nov 10 11 at 9:00 pmNot the most popular opinion, but in some way, yes, I think there should be age restrictions on becoming pregnant. But even though I feel that way, I also have a contradictory feeling that other people shouldn’t be able to tell someone what s/he can and cannot do with his/her body. So the voluntary restrictions people place on themselves regarding procreation are all that I want. Just because I may initially think something is an irresponsible act, doesn’t mean that it is. Time will be the judge of that, not me.
lucinda delgado commented on Nov 10 11 at 9:26 pmWELL I DEFINATLY THINK THERE SHOULD BE A CUT OFF AGE. BUT IT ALSO DEPENDS ON THE PERSON. I WAS A TEEN MOM AND HAD MY FIRST SON AT 16 MY SECOND AT 18 AND I HAD MY DAUGHTER AT 21 AND AM EXPECTING MY 4TH IN FEB.. I AM 26 AND HAVE 4 CHILDREN..I AM A COLLEGE GRAD AND ABOUT TO JOIN THE POLICE CADAMY NEXT YR. I PERSONALLY FEEL I WAS ABLE TO GROW WITH MY CHILDREN. AND I HAD THE PATIENCE AND ENERGY I NEEDED TO HAVE THAT EXPERIENCE ACTUALLY BE A WONDERFUL ONE. MY ELDEST IS 11 NOW AND I AM 7MNTHS PREGNANT. MY YOUNGEST IS 7 AND I CANT IMAGINE WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THIS BABY IS BORN…LOL I DONT THINK I HAVE THE PATIENCE OR ENERGY NOW THAT IM OLDER. I REALLY WISH I WAS 16 ABOUT NOW…LOL MY MISTAKES ENDED UP BEING BLESSINGS. AND I DIDNT ALLOW BEING A YOUNG MOM AFFECT MY FUTURE. I THINK WOMAN SHOULD NOT HAVE KIDS AFTER 30 PERSONALLY BECAUSE YOUR MORE CRANKY. AND NOT ABLE TO FOCUS ON YOUR CAREER..
Tammy commented on Nov 11 11 at 12:36 am50 is too old. Hell I’m only 37 & I feel I’ve pushed my limits. I had my 1st when I was 21. I got married to a man 8 years my junior who had no kids. We hadn’t yr decided about kids but had agreed to discuss it over Christmas 2010. Instead I had a daughter Jan 2011. In July we agreed no more kids cuz my daughter was too hard on me physically. Guess what? I’m pregnant with #3. This will be it. I’m too old. I was too old at 36 but I did it anyw!y. Im definitely too old now but I’m having an easier pregnancy. Lucky for me. I won’t do it again! 3 is enough for me.
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