Being Pregnant
Is Labor Like Sex? Hormones Say Yes – What Say You?
Magic moment? Definitely. Orgasmic? Not always.
There is a trend with many scientists, studies and health care providers to compare labor to sex. The hormones and physiological processes are very similar, but I’m still not sure I would compare them in an apples to apples fashion myself.
I do understand and appreciate the parallels. One of my favorite books for understanding the “laboring mind” is an older text called Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones. In it he highlights more than ten similarities physically, emotionally and hormonally between a woman in labor and a woman during a sexual experience.
The Huge Benefits and Potential Drawbacks as I See Them
As a childbirth educator and a labor support doula I see some really positive things about these analogies and some potentially harmful things about these analogies. The biggest concern I have is the rise in talks about wanting to have “an orgasmic birth”.
While some women certainly do have orgasms during the birthing experience, that is far from the norm, even among natural birthing mothers. I’ve actually seen a birth plan where the mother included orgasm on her list of desired outcomes. That’s not something that can be forced or controlled under the best of circumstances and certainly not during something like childbirth, in my opinion.
Where I see a huge benefit in the sex/labor discussions is in helping women understand there IS a hugely similar process that occurs inside their body. Just as a sexual experience can be brought from near-peak to grinding halt by an unexpected knock at the door, so too can a steady and regular and progressive labor be slowed and interrupted by undesired noises, strangers in and out of the room, or even bright lights or pain from an IV.
Sex and Labor – My Conclusion
By understanding that the conditions that are best conducive to a positive sexual encounter are often the same conditions that are best conducive to a positive laboring experience, women make better informed decisions for themselves. This is HUGELY positive in my experience.
A woman embracing her body’s desires in the moment will be more free to move, more free to vocalize, and more free to follow her body’s instincts during birthing. All of which can only help the laboring process.
What are your thoughts about the sex is like labor discussion? Is it unrealistic for women to include orgasm as an expectation of their birthing experience or feel disappointment if they have a painful labor or a “non-orgasmic” birth?
Go Back To Being Pregnant
4 Comments
Brannan commented on Aug 12 11 at 1:21 pmThat’s craziness! Shoot, I’m just gonna stick “orgasm” on my daily to-do list and see how that goes. This sums it up- “That’s not something that can be forced or controlled under the best of circumstances and certainly not during something like childbirth, in my opinion.”
I do think it is wise to compare the two in order to set up a good laboring environment. Do you need privacy, lights off, quiet…? They are equally vulnerable and intimate moments, and we should give labor the same respect as sex, I think. My two dimly lit water births were much more positive than when I was on the birthing stool in broad daylight on display for all to see- and I think the privacy of the water contributed a LOT toward that.
But, when it comes down to it, labor is very different from sex, and I would rather make my goal to have all of the elements put together for a safe, secure, comfortable birth and maybe or maybe not wind up with an orgasmic experience than to be thinking the whole time about how it’s NOT one.
AngEngland commented on Aug 12 11 at 1:25 pmThank you, Brannan – that is EXACTLY my point. I will still present the similarities in my childbirth classes because they DO help women (and men) understand the emotional and physical needs during labor. And that those are true and legitimate needs a woman has.
I remember a dad who was upset that his wife wanted to wear a long skirt during labor and had specifically asked the doctor’s permission to wear her OWN clothing. He couldn’t understand it. I asked the father whether he closed the door during intimate moments with his wife. He replied, “actually – I have to lock the door or else it’s too distracting.” Yep – exactly. :-) Once it clicked for him he understood and was much more supportive.
So in THAT regard – for those situations it is hugely beneficial. I just worry if we are creating undue expectations on laboring women. Not like we need one more thing to feel guilty over! Ha!
MainlineMom commented on Aug 12 11 at 2:02 pmSo I’m just going to say I don’t necessarily agree that comparing sex and labor is harmful, even when women decide they aspire to have an (incredibly rare) orgasmic birth. The main thing I disagree with is the idea that orgasm is not controllable. In my experience it is, though I think that’s the exception not the norm because it takes a huge amount of practice, experience and self-awareness.
I think there are already tons of undue expectations for laboring women and I don’t see this as adding anything worse than what’s already a burden for some. I see this as falling into the category of educating women on all options and possibilities and giving them positive associations instead of fear which only results in more pain.
Nekole Shapiro commented on Aug 13 11 at 12:40 pmWell obviously I see looking at sexuality and birth as similar is helpful. I have created an entire curriculum and form of support around it. What I hear as the issue is cerebral cortex style control. As many great birth mentors (Ina May, MIchel Odent, etc etc) point out….cerebral cortex activity does not HELP labor. Being open to an orgasm during labor is a more useful approach. Being open to feelings rushing through you that you have never felt before….this is a more useful approach. So rather than the focus being on not connecting what is very connected….sex and birth…truly sex and life….i think any of us bringing this to our bag of topics in supporting birthing families need to be mindful of how we are bringing it up. We do not want to make it an expectation but instead a very real possibility! It can also be very helpful to discuss….what is an orgasm?? Many people do not experience full body cosmic orgasms (to quote Sheri Winston’s term). I could go on and on :). Thank you for bringing more attention to this very useful and important topic!
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